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male
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anonymous
writes: My ex (who I still love dearly) has contacted me again. To make a long story short, we were part of this group of friends at college, and after knowing each other for a couple months we started dating. We went out for just over a year, but do to lack of communication, spending too much time together, and probably a lack of relationship experience on my part (jealously was a new emotion for me …) we broke up. This was about 6 months ago. We really had a lot in common and things were great for a long time, but things just kind of got sour quickly and they could have been fixed but we neglected the key issues for too long. Right after we broke up she started seeing someone else whom she is still seeing, and things fluctuated between, good, bad, and ugly for a few months until we went home for the summer. I told her once toward the beginning of the summer I didn’t think we should talk to each other anymore (friends is something I’ve struggled to be and don’t really feel that we can truly be). Well, a little after a month of no talking she sent me an Instant Message and we started talking again. I let the emotions come on too strong however and shortly after I let my feelings for her show and she became upset about it. After a short talk, I told her that we shouldn’t talk to each other anymore (she said we still could and be friends but that would have been too hard for me), so we agreed not to talk anymore.Cut to a month later, I’m doing great, managing a band whose members both me and her are good friends with, and enjoying the rest of the summer before I go on the road as the band’s tour manager. Apparently she heard from the guys that I was managing them and doing a kick ass job, and so out of the blue yesterday I got another instant message from her. She said that she knew we weren’t supposed to be talking to eachother but that she wanted to say how she was glad I was doing so well, etc…, and that hopefully she would see me at one of the shows. I debated on whether or not to respond, and ended up talking to her for a few minutes, just catching up on what’s been going on in each other’s lives, that sort of stuff. My feelings for her have NOT gone away …Why does she keep contacting me after we agree not to??? Does she still have feelings for me?
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female
reader, talking sense +, writes (7 August 2006):
Like you i am a big believer that you can not be friends with a person you have dated and become estranged from. The girl in question may not have had feelings for you as strong as the feelings you have for her. (this is something you might not like to hear.) But when she is messaging you it is problably because she is feeling a bit jealous of how well you are doing and it makes her miss what you did have. But more importantly she misses not being apart of it anymore. By responding you are letting her know that you still care about her and have not moved on. Allowing her to play games with your emotions. The fact that you have the same friends is making the situation even harder for you. My advise is to keep your distance from this girl untill you go on the road and then start a fresh. A clean brake. Dont be messed around anymore. she has a boyfriend.
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