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male
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anonymous
writes: Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 years, recently moved into my own apartment. was feeling very confused and anxious about my life at the time of the move, esp since it was the first time I ever lived alone, and began to doubt my relationship. see a year prior we used to rent an apartment together but during that time we stopped having sex, well really she stopped being interested. in Fairness when we lived together I was always out working nights and we were both suffering from alot of stress so we talked alot and agreed that was why she didnt want sex at the time, as she wasnt sure why either, but assured me she loved me deeply and was always there for me in every other way.we had agreed to marry a long time ago but not with rings and ceremony and we didnt tell many people, but we were pretty much engaged up untill recently. well what happened was When I got my new place I broke up with her, I was very lost and confused, I did love her but I was paranoid that the only reason that we were having regular sex again was because I had a new apartment and she wanted to move in as she now lives with her parents. So as I said we broke up for 1 week, then we met up, I was still kinda messed up (I was very lonely and anxious in the new apartment) we had sex, I asked her to forgive me and she did.Heres the part I regret, the next day I started feeling panicky again, I told her I needed more time alone, just to figure myself out and I wasnt ready for a full on relationship yet, I jumped back in too soon. I basically broke it off again.2 weeks later, and after alot of soul searching we started talking again, then going out again, and since then for the past month things have been better then ever, with me having got over my doubts and being really certain again about wanting to be with her. weve been talkign alot, having great fun and regular sex and its like a whole new spark has come into our relationship.Last night she called me and told me while we were broken up she slept with someone else, a one night stand. This was after the second time I broke up with her and she said she was really messed up, lonely and confused at the time, she went out with her friend to a bar, some people from the bar went back to the friends house with my gf, and she had sex with one of them.I really admire her guts for telling me the truth. She loves me, I love her. I realise I broke her heart twice in quick succession and hurt her bad. I didnt see anyone else while we were broke up. We're still together now, only problem is I am so hurt that she slept with someone else, we were only broke up a few weeks, after 4 years together, and being engaged, I just dont know If I can trust her, its still fresh in my mind and I am really hurting here and so confused as to wether she even did anything wrong. Am I being to harsh? What should I do, trust her? or move on?Thanks for taking the time to read this. any help is much appreciated.
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a break, broke up, engaged, move on, moved in, one night stand, spark Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionquiet-echo thanks for your answer, it helped me clarify things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are right I have no business holding this against her I either want to be with her, love her and trust here or I dont.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): I agree, this is like an old episode of Sinfeild... "but we were on a break"... come on... you broke up with her, at that point she owes you ZERO.. her body is her business. Who care if it was a one night stand or a 3 day orgy... it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS... When you start dating someone, their past is their business. This is her past.
Get over it, figure out what you want and take action. If you can't trust her, break up with her AGAIN- and for God sakes this time, don't jerk her around again.
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (5 September 2009):
 OH GIVE ME A BREAK!"Confused, Messed Up, etc."Jesus why does NO ONE TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY ACTIONS ANYMORE.Both of you are no where near mature enough to handle a relationship.You because you kept giving her mixed signals. Her because she used the time old worthless ass excuse of being "confused" to go out and screw some guy. She was over you pretty quick. The fact is that she does not want sex with you. She wants you for an emotional side that you provide. THATS ALLYou want the physical. Neither of you are very good significant others for anyone, let alone each other.If she is gonna do this and then come back with the confused excuse why the hell woukld you want to be with her in the first place? She will end up using it as an excuse in the future when she feels neglected. Believe me. It's a given.You do not love her and she does not love you. Leave each other alone and grow the hell up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): For God's sake you have been jerking this girl around for 4 years, after the second time you broke you heart if I had been in her shoes I would have made it the last time you did that.
You have no business holding this over her head, you broke up with her, you broke her heart. She may regret it for all kinds of reasons, but you have no business saying anythingn to her except, I am sorry I hurt you.
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