A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry to write in again but I don't know where to go any more. I'm a lost cause. A waste of space. I can't get a girlfriend. Never had a a proper one. Never been able to. The problem is with me. And I don't know what it is. I do know that I'm ugly. I've written in previous letters things about me. The answers all say that I'm a great catch but I'm not. I'm a loser and I don't want to be. A female friend of mine has got herself another boyfriend so, naturally, doesn't want to talk to me. It's good to see her happy but is immensely painful to me because I've never experienced that sort of happiness and never will. It's horrible to read on Facebook how happy they are and the comments to each other complete with kisses. I am so angry with myself it's unbelievable. Can anybody offer some advice on how to stop being such a failure?
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female
reader, gorgeousgussie  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Hello , I just wondered how you were gettting on now, its been nearly a year since the last post, so I hope things have changed for you, in your attitude to yourself more than anything else. This thing about self esteem aka self love or caring for oneself like your own best friend, is truly important. I know when I'm going off the healthy radar is when I let the "whats the point" thoughts get to me. There is I beleive a reason for us all to be here , though as to what that is , I dont know, you sound like a really lovely sensitive and yes intelligent person and believe it or not somteimes that scares some off. Thank God I say because as said before people that shallow will only make you miserable trying to dumb down to their level. Enjoy your freedom and chance to experience life now so that when you do come to be in a relationship with someone, you will have interesting and important things to share with them. Hugs and love to you from here . :)
A
female
reader, ForeverDawn  +, writes (8 September 2009):
 self-esteem is major and I can see thats where your problem is there is no such thing as a ugly person beauty is in the eyes of the beholder I am sure there are girls out there that will think your hot! you just have to love your self more there will always be people that will try to put you down with them is enough you don't have to do it to your self to!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for writing back. I was picked on in school and college. I was there for people to make fun of. Please forgive me if this sounds arrogant because that's the last thing I want (I abhor arrogance) but I can play the guitar. I write in my spare time with the hope that, one day, I might get something published. I do an enormous amount of voluntary work because I just want to help people. I don't drink or smoke. On several occasions people have told me that I'm intelligent, caring, articulate and an intellectual. They say that I'm a good catch. But I'm that much of a good catch that the people who told me I am don't want to go out with me which makes their comments a little bit hypocritical. No girl has ever wanted to truly be with me. The only girlfriend I've ever had was seeing someone else and went off to be with somebody better. We were only together two months. I asked her why girls didn't want to go out with me and she said that the problem is me which is why she went off but she still never told me what it was. I really looked after her and cared for her. I do that for all my friends. So, ultimately, the only conclusion I can come to is that I'm too ugly for a girl to love or even fancy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): You know, it's easy to feel this way in the world we live in now. We learn that if we are not in a relationship,we are not complete. believe me, I speak from exp. on this one. However, it is concerning that you really feel that badly about yourself. Just out of curiousity, were you picked as a child or had other sorts of trauma? I'm asking you this because i was terribly picked on in middle school, even some in high school and it killed my self-esteem. My self-loathing turned inward and manifested into anxiety. When you are in that dark,dark, space-sometimes it seems hopeless. And it does seem cruel when you see happpiness around you but you can't grasp it yourself. if a relationship is what you desire, you have to decide if you're ready to do the work to achieve that. Again, from personal experience-I'm having my first realrelationship at age 31.To make myself vunerable to hurt again was the hardest thing to do. but letting your guard down and opening your heart and mind to the possibility that someone will indeed like you for you-well,it's worth it. We can't give up in this life-you have just one you know. no one is alone. Happiness is a fleeting feeling, not a state of being. Our emotions morphe and change constantly, this is certain. If you have faith as your anchor, that's the first step. To be really willing to look at yourself deeply inside to find out what the real root of this feeling is.But also if you're not concentrating on solely attaining a relationship might benefit you as well. If you have a vision or something that is close to you, i would suggest you pursue that as well. There is nothing more attractive than someone who knows who they are,and has direction and passion. I know i'm not alone here. just try to think there is hope. There is. I had all but abandoned it myself in the love department. DON'T GIVE UP!
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