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male
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*heDarkOne
writes: A few months ago I got involved with a girl from my work. We had been close friends for a couple of years and we were very close.The problems started because she went out drinking with her friends all the time and I started to get suspicious of what she got up to. After six months I found out that she had gotten drunk and slept with my housemate and 16 other guys, she had been lying to me the whole time.Heartbroken, I was unable to work with her anymore or live with my housemate so I decided to move away. Since then I think about her all the time, I miss our friendship more than anything and I want it back. I tried speaking to her before I left to clear the air but she threw it back in my face and said she had nothing to say to me.Is there anything I can say or do to get our friendship back? Is she even worth it? If not, how can I stop thinking about her?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (15 June 2006):
 I don't know, I think you're playing with more heartache if you try to be friends after what's happened. Are you sure it's just her friendship that you miss, or might there be a tiny spark of lust still burning, way deep in your soul? If there's any chance that you want to restart a romantic/sexual relationship, then don't. She's already shown you what she's capable of.
As a girlfriend, she was pretty disloyal(!), and as a friend... well, has she tried to be in touch, even to say she missed you, since you broke up with her?
She probably cringes with guilt over what she did and the way you were hurt, so things are probably best left as is, but if you must -- and you're sure that it's friendship only that you still want... Then why not drop her an email? Say that you're sorry about the way things worked out, but you still value her friendship and miss what you had before you became involved.
Leave it light and leave it there. If she responds, you can search your heart and see if a platonic relationship is what you actually crave. And if she doesn't respond, well, you have what might be called "closure".
Hope this is some insight.
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (15 June 2006):
 I know you are hurting and that you are missing her but the trouble with the past is our brains have a funny way of forgetting the reason on why you split up in the 1st place.....and only thinking of the good times.This girl of yours was quite happy to put herself about and slept with any bloke who had a pulse....ok if she was single and was a free agent then fair enough,it would of been up to her on who she slept with but she wasn't a free agent...she was having a relationship with you and she threw it in your face.Why is it so important to have her friendship back?...is it because deep down you want her back as a proper girlfriend?....Personally,i think you should move on because its eating you up inside.How can you stop thinking about her?...Well i think you should keep yourself busy because if you have too much time on your hands then every single second will be focused on her...and thats no good.Go out and have fun with your friends...meet new people that will make you laugh and put a smile on your face.Take up a new hobby...remember while you are sitting at home...thinking about her...do you really think she is doing the same about you? I bet she isn't.
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