A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey all,so, I play in a rock band with two dudes and a pretty cool girl. I started the band in the summer and for a while only saw her as a bandmate, I could tell she was pretty and interesting, but no other feelings surfaced, it was all business.Then one day about a month ago I realized she was sexy. For a while I fought the feelings, cause I didn't want to risk screwing up the band dynamic, but after having fun with her so often, I couldn't help it and I made a move on her.She was into it and things got romantic. It was great, fun, and we both seemed to be into each other.The second time we were together, after making love, we started talking about exes.. just talking. The next day though, she told me she thought we should stop fooling around, since it seems like we want different things. She thought I want a proper relationship where she just wants to explore since she just got out of a relationship.Anyways, I played it really cool, didn't make a big deal, and she was pretty happy I didn't sulk I think. For a week and a half, we've been kinda flirty, but half the time I can't tell if she is still interested, or is just happy we're still friends. I'm making an effort to keep flirting, I don't want her to think of me as just a friend.It seems like she's got commitment issues, (and based on some private conversations, for good reason). How do I get her to trust me, to not worry that I'll push her too fast? Do I keep just being funny, having fun with her, flirting, until she lets me back in? I see her all the time, so I'm not in any particular rush, I just don't want her to forget about me as a lover and only see me as a bandmate funky buddy.thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): You wrote that she doesn't want a relationship with you because she just left one. Why do you not understand that answer that you obviously don't like?
She may end up leaving if you don't stop trying to overcome her objections.
Cool off, leave her alone, treat her like you band mate and if she changes her mind the ball is in her court.
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