A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my partner and I have been together 5 years, he is 29 I am 25, we have been living together for 4 years.ok, this is the story its very long,about 3 years ago he started using a chat/dating sites to make friends and chat to people,he would use webcam etc....I had my suspicions about what he was doing on these sites, so a friend of mind contacted him via the site and it turns out he was trying to have webcam sex and trying to meet women for sex, in the end we had a huge fight and broke up for a week.over the years until now everything was great, no more problems. problem is he is back on those sites again and I am really really stressed and worried.I am not sure if I can trust him, I feel confused, he has been totally open about the sites he visits with me and does state on the profiles he is just looking for making friends and on some of the sites he lists he is taken or in a relationship, but on one site In particular the one site he first cheated on me with, he does not list he is in a relationship and even in the section were is askes to lists what you want to meet people for he has selected things like friends, fun, chat,penpal, flirt,love and sex.I have asked him why he does not list he is in a relationship, he said he did not want everyone knowing his personal life details, (this seems odd to me because I know when he first made the account it stated he was in a a relationship), I asked why he had sex flirt and love on his profile settings, he said something about making it more open to people to contact him because with restricted settings less people would contact him and he did even realize he had left the settings like that,(mind you I think his is a lie because I checked this on the site and having more of these settings added to the profile does not effect the profile Search ability at all).I also noticed yesterday when I got home from work that he had the webcamera out and looked like he had been using it for chat.I asked him directly if he was using the site to find other people? he did say no but he taken the long way about to answer me,he said for me to stop stressing and not to worry and that he was not going anywhere.I told him that I have no problem at all for him to use these sites if he is just making friends (which is true he has made a number of friends from these sites)its hard for him to make friends and go out because he is on medications and has been for a very long time due to a disability.I noticed he had become depressed and lonly and I felt bad, I work all day why he sits at home alone.about a week ago we had a disagreement about me not communicating enough, in the end I ended up at home in bed crying not sure what to do, and while i was crying he went online changed all his profiles to single (this is when his profile changed from listing he was in a relationship)after we talked he changed his profiles back accept one he just removed his relationship statues)he told me he had set the profiles to single because he was mad.when we spoke after the disagreement he said things like he was not sure if I was the one he will marry and he said he fears because of my communication issues that we will probably break up in a bad way and I will probably end up in bad relationships and have a shit life. this left me feeling very depressed because I want to marry him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.I am not really sure what to think, I worry his just protending to be just looking for friends so he can talk dirty with people while I am at work.do you think I am worrying to much?I have not been able to eat or sleep correctly in months, and I have started feeling suicidal because last time all this happen he acted totally normal and loving towards me, yet behind my back he was saying awful things about me to get sympathy from women, having cyber sex and trying to meet for sex.Last time all this happen I went in to shock and it effected me badly and I dont want to get hurt again.Please help me.
View related questions:
at work, broke up, cheated on me, depressed, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both for your words.
I have booked in to see my doctor today.I really need some help.I have no family I can trust and I do not have any friends I can go to I feel totally alone, he is all I have.
not sure if I was clear when I was typing the question out, he has not been using these sites for 4 years. he used them for a short time(a month or so) about 3 years ago (when I first found out he was cheating) now only recently (last couple of months) has he started using them again.
I am 99.9% sure he has not been using them for the last 3 years.
I am not sure if its a sex addiction, about 6 or 12 months after he started on the meds his sex drive really died down,sex only once a month for me and he use to look at porn all the time and ever since the meds he does not.
I am not trying to make excuses for him but I just wanted to point that out.
This is why I am confused, I think if he is mad or hurt with me to get back at me he try's to do things that he knows will hurt me.
Its like when we had that disagreement and he went and changed his profile to single, and he said he did that because he was mad and wanted to teach me a lesson.
I don't really understand why he has to cause all these problems and drama, I feel very unloved and used.
honestly because everything was going so great for the last 3 years I am in total shock this is happening again, I don't know why this happens to me, I feel like there is something wrong with me or I am doing something wrong.
its not very easy for me to just walk away, I am totally in love with him,and we have built so much together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): The only person who can help you is you.
Re read your post, then think of one of your best friends or a sister and what would you say to her about a story she was telling you like this? You would tell her to run for the hills.
You are worrying and staying stuck in a pile of sticky goo, which is his BS that he is feeding you and trying to cram down your throat. He sounds like a spoiled child, and instead of owning his sick, twisted bad behavior he is blaming you for making him mad, ah let me find a tiny little violin for him!
I don't care if he has a disability and is stuck in a wheelchair, he doesn't need to make friends in chat rooms and try to have on line sex with women or who knows maybe they are really men!
He is addicted to this, he has been doing this same thing for years and he is making you crazy. I would go as far as saying he is a sex addict, which is a deal breaker as far as you are concerned. You cannot have a relationship with a man who is addicted to anything because what you are having is a relationship with his addiction, not him.
And how does that feel to you, how is that working for you?
Make arrangements, take the steps to pack your things and get out of there. You can't change him, you have done your time in hell, now it is time to get out and have a real life with a real man who can love you the way you deserve and treat you and himself with respect and dignity.
Sorry if that wasn't helping you, to hear what you already know to be true....deep down. You are powerless in this situation. Take your power back and don't settle for this any more.
...............................
|
