A
male
age
41-50,
*amtratom
writes:My girlfriend and I started out as freinds for over 2 years. We have been dating for 8 months. She is a recovering alcoholic and most of these 8 months has been hell. After a day of drinking she would lose her temper over nothing and cause huge fights. I have never laid a finger on her even after she'd continue to push me through the apartment. She was hospitalized 2 times with hepa of the liver,(March and again May). I stood by and supported her through all this.About a month ago she started drinking again (not as heavy). I started drinking a few beers each day since bout 4th of july, it all came to head when I did make a crude joke/gesture (clothin stayd on)friday night. She said our relationship is over and this argument has carried on through Saturday night. I had been drinking Saturday afternoon and evening and we got into it big. (still never laid a finger on her) She said she cannot forgive me for making her feel that way. she said she doesn't look at me the same and that I scared her. Sunday evening we had tickets to Keith Urban in dm,ia and I gave them to her and stayed home then wrote out most of the arguments we had in the past when I was scared of her and always forgave her. This pissed her off and she claims that Monday she went to a counselor and he said that I am in the wrong cuz if I loved her then I wouldn't have brought up the past. I know I screwed up but feel I deserve a second chance.She seems very stern about breaking up, should I continut to work on our relationship or just let her go her own way?
View related questions:
alcoholic Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 I am all for counselling in certain situations but people tend to be paying them to stroke their egos & tell them everyone else is in the wrong, except themselves. Its annoying as hell & really doesnt steer them in the right direction.
Your girlfriend needs to go to AA & get proper help, because standard counsellors arent trained for dealing with alcoholics.
Dont be a punch bag. Distance yourself until this woman has had some real help. It sounds like she is draging you down the same path. Alcohol doesnt solve the problems, but it gets a grip on you quite quickly & masks the problems if you let it.
Good luck
C xxxx
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Hey there,
You seem to have tolerated an awful lot of stress and worry to keep this relationship going. Your girlfriend obviously has major issues and its good that she is seeking help for them as I think they are just too big for you to sort out by yourself. Writing down all the arguments you had with her is not necessarily a bad thing and I am sure you did it more out of frustration and perhaps trying to make sense of what is going on. I am sure you didnt do it to hurt her intentionally. Making a crude joke was obviously a daft thing to do and she has made a big deal out of it...but does she not think that all the times she got mad at you, when she was drunk, was a big deal for you too.
If she is pushing to get out of the relationship, I think you should see it as your chance to make a fresh start. Even if you agree to have a period of seperation so you can both re evaluate who you are and what you both want as individuals. Living with someone with alcohol problems can be a total nightmare and arguments are often blown out of all proportion. She is only a recovering alcoholic if she doesnt drink for good. If she is still drinking then she has to get help for those issues and you need to step back and allow her to realise she has to do it.
If you are drinking heavily yourself over this, then you could be following her down the same path. Quit now and give yourself a time out.
Aunty Em x
...............................
|
