A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this woman recently, we had a couple of dates. We clicked very well, both were very intrigued by each other. But when it came to being intimate on a number of occasions she had a hard time to open up. Sometimes I think she unknowingly had her arms crossed. But she was still very responsive smiling and making lots of eye contact. I had proceeded to gently ask her(previous relationship questions were initiated by her) if she was over her EX and she said yes. Another time since she was not too intimate I asked her if she was hurt by her last relationship and she tightened up(gently asked at the right time). Our last date was excellent, we kissed twice at the end of the night and then she called me when I left with concerns of my safety since it was foggy when I was driving. At this point it didn't take much that we were into each other on a number of levels. Couple of days later she called me and I missed her call. When I called her back 1 hour later she didn't respond for a good day and seemed to avoid me (only called her back once and 1 text message). Then she finally called me the following evening expressing that she needs to take a break and needs to figure out some things for her self. Apparently this had to do with her previous relationship and she said she didn't want to drag me through it. When I asked if she wants to be friends she said no because this is not where we were heading and that she wants to stay in contact with me. She said she would call me in a week. I felt that if someone needs time to get her house in order that's ok by me.So my question is should I wait? I do understand that most people will abruptly tell you to move on, but is that slightly short of the goal? Since she was very honest with me and I could sense that someone hurt her before and you never know. She did open up to me and feel that she could trust me so this makes it that much more confusing.
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a break, her ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you secret27wish!
A
female
reader, secret27wish +, writes (1 December 2009):
She isn't looking for a relationship right now. In 6 months to 1 year down the road, she may have a different view, but that is a long time to wait. Live in the moment; live for today. If you can stay in touch with her while remaining open to others, then keep a casual friendship with her. Personally, I always find it easiest to cut all ties and move on with my life (because deep down, I know that I will be waiting and hoping). If it is meant to be, you will be with her again. I am sorry that you are hurting right now. It's a terrible feeling to have opened up to someone only to end up hurting in exchange. This pain will eventually ease; hang in there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! Appreciate your input DocGrl83.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): It's good that the two of you talked, but it sounds like she just wants to be friends at this point in her life- if she really wanted to be in a relationship with you, she would make it work regardless of her job, life, etc. Keep in touch with her, stay friendly, but relationship wise it is time to move on and find someone who will want to be with you just as much as you want to be with them. You deserve better and shouldn't have to wait for someone to get their act together. Best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE,I got a call from her more than a week later. She was nice on the phone, but no longer affectionate. She told me that she called because she said she was going to call. Also that she finally got her job and she is really stressed out how it will play out for her. She needs to focus on the job for a while like a six months to a year. She has a professional career and that can be understandable with her being very driven. I said I understand, then she proceeded to say how she wants to stay in contact with me and wants to know what is happening with me. We talked lightly for a bit and then ended the conversation. She thanked me for calling her back and was really nice at the end of the conversation. This whole situation felt like she just flicked a switch and the lights were off!The moral of the story here is that I got hurt, but not because of being too attached. Rather by taking a chance and opening up to someone who said they were ready! I would value any input on this just to get a different perspective? Should I cut complete contact? Or value this since she was honest with everything?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your input, I appreciate all the answers. It is sometimes hard to interpret these situations when your in them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): It sounds like she just needs some time to sort her feelings and rather than dump them on you and scare you away, she just wants some time to herself. As other posters have said, just wait the week and see what happens. If she does this on a continual basis or things don't work out, then at least you gave it a shot and you can move on. But the two of you seem to have something going on, so keep on holding on to it.
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female
reader, secret27wish +, writes (21 November 2009):
I agree; one week is a small price to pay for the potential of something really good, especially when she has been honest with you. Give her the week to pull herself together. She is probably at conflict with her feelings for you versus whatever has happened in her past (perhaps a difficulty to trust?). Wait the week, and then, with the new information she provides, decide what your next move will be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): whats one week opposed to a life time of happiness? Im not saying she's the one but, its deffiently worth the wait. Not to many people are honest out there and the fact that she is upfront with you is a good sign. I would wait it out.. what are you loosing but time? Better yet, what could you be gaining by waiting?
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female
reader, rose the relationship solver  +, writes (21 November 2009):
 she likes you but if she was hurt in a previous relationship it will be hard for her..depending in which way she was hurt, yes wait for her. you like her and she trusts you thats why she told you...she needs some1 there for her, when she is ready and you are there things should be normal eg: inimacy and things just give her time and talk
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