A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m 21 years of age, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months. I love him, and honestly have never been in such a great relationship. There is one minor problem which gets to me. While he has introduced me to his family, I have not met any of his friends. He has met all of my friends, and I regularly invite him along when I am going out with them. Not only have I not met his friends, but he refuses to even speak about them.I am quite aware that two of his close friends are female – one of which I know for certain he was once involved with. He briefly mentioned that things did not work between them, and he views her as more of a sister. She on the other hand was very much still interested in him. 6 months before my boyfriend and I met, he went for surgery. She visited him every day while he was there, and while he was recovering. When we first started going out he once said how she had a boyfriend, which ‘took the pressure off him’ and he felt they could be friends. He also said how he didn’t think she really was interested in the guy, and that he thought she could do better. I have on multiple occasions tried to raise the subject of how I haven’t met these people. He once mentioned that he stopped being friends with some people after his operation, but I know he still has some friends. He regularly texts and calls his two close female friends, often in my presence. He hides his phone from me, and gets annoyed if he thinks I’m so much as looking over his shoulder at the phone. Once when this happened I asked who he was talking to, and how come he never talked about it with me. He went very quiet and just said I had a ‘fair point’. He said that he has been told that he’s a secretive person in the past. He said that he likes to keep me as a separate part of his life. I accepted this, but it is increasingly becoming more frustrating for me as I feel I get closer to him. I am very open, and always tell him where I am, who I’m with and who I'm talking to.Little incidents have occurred to fuel my frustration. When my boyfriend joined facebook, I went to post a comment on his wall. The most recent comment was from his close girl friend mentioned and I was able to put a face to the name. The next day when I went back on facebook, he had deleted this girls comment – and her as a friend entirely. I didn’t want to say to him that I had seen this, as I was afraid he would think it strange that I noticed. His two female friends that he is close with are younger than him. One is 2 years younger, the other 4 years younger. I myself am two years younger than him, so age is of no concern to me. I began to think for awhile however that this may be something he is afraid of?When we first met, he met up with these friends considerably less. I am in college and have a very busy schedule. We also live quite a few miles away so only get to see each other at weekends, occasionally during the week the odd time. He is now spending more time with these friends again (which I don’t mind...in fact I would encourage, the same way he does me). I also have seen his family a lot less. I just find it a very uncomfortable situation to be in. I love my boyfriend very much, but it hurts that he continues to ignore my feelings by not including me in his life. I want him to be involved every part of my life, and I’m trying to understand why he doesn’t feel the same way. I am starting to feel insecure. I keep asking myself questions about if he is embarrassed/ashamed of me, am I not good enough, would he be unsure how to act with me in front of them, is it because of their age, because he was involved with them in the past, etc. I am not my boyfriend’s first girlfriend, so I am also curious as to how he reacted to this in previous relationships. But as mentioned, he is very private and brushes off these questions. My friends who I have discussed this with say that it could be him. That maybe he is embarrassed by his friends and doesn’t want me to judge him. This is becoming a growing concern for me, especially since we have discussed the possibility of moving in together in the near future. Honesty and openness are important to me in a relationship. I do trust him, and don’t believe that these friendships are any more than that. I don’t want to cause arguments and sound like a broken record. But at the same time, I cannot live with someone and spend my entire time with them when I feel like they are hiding something from me. He tells me he loves me and that I’m an important part of his life. I just want to be more involved in his life, the same way I have tried to include him in all aspects of my life. I want to respect his choice too, but it’s hard being in this position. He is quite controlling, but it upsets me that he doesn’t seem to understand the effect this is having on me. Other sources have suggested that he is cheating on me, he has something to hide or that I’m just temporary and not worth introducing. Or also that he could lose me to a friend. I don’t know. Opinions?! Help?!Thank you!
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female
reader, rose the relationship solver +, writes (21 November 2009):
 hey, he maybe keeping things from you for a reason or he might be ashamed of his friends because of the past or he might be thinking of you and not introduce his current gf to his ex's ....that is a hard thing for a gf to cope with, but if you rely think he is not been straight with you just sit him down and talk rationally, in other cases this may not work if he is controlling good luck
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