A
male
age
36-40,
*uza2k3
writes:Hi, am in a 2years relationship, and just recently, she told me that she doesnt love me like before, unless i change some of my behaviours that she has been complaing about for the past two years.Well what i just do told her was that there is no relationship thats perfect.I can sense that she's leaving me soon and i dont want her to leave. PLEASE HELP ME Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 ok so she's telling you the things she needs you to change in order to stay with you and you are refusing to change those things....
it's perfectly fine for you not to want to change your behaviors for someone else but you have to accept that if you can't make those changes she's asking for she will leave and rightfully so.
IF you don't want her to leave, can you make the changes she wants?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): "Well what i just do told her was that there is no relationship thats perfect."that's true. but it's also true that for a relationship to work and be sustained requires mutual compromise. And compromise does mean changing some things about yourself.while mutual compromise is necessary for all relationships to work, the amount of compromise needed can make or break a relationship. If two people are very incompatible to begin with, then they will have to compromise a lot and often in order to make the relationship work. People usually are not happy if they have to compromise a lot and it's never ending. then you have to wonder if it's better that they not be with each other in the first place if they have to give up so much of themselves to accommodate each other.on the other hand, if the people are very compatible, then compromise is easier and seen as paying off more, simply because it isn't needed very often. this results in a smoother and less taxing relationship. You don't have to change yourself if you dont' want to. If what she wants is unreasonable to you, then it might just mean that you're not compatible because you both want or need different things. in the end, she's drawing the line in the sand. She's saying: I don't want to change or I can't change my preferences, so now it's up to YOU to change this and this, or I really don't want this relationship anymore. the ball is in your court.now what I would be wary of is if she's a manipulative person?? I think it's fine and honorable for someone to say they have deal breakers and if you dont' change, they will leave, and then to do it. At least they are respecting your decision and right not to change by saying this just isn't working out, they just can't be with you anymore and set you free to move on too. I hope this is where your gf is coming from, because such people are honest and have good intentions even if ultimately they break up with you.But some people have no intention to leave the relationship even though they refuse to accept you as you are either. For such people, there is only one option which is for you to change into what they want. They won't allow you to be as you are in the relationship, and yet they won't set you free if you can't/won't change to suit them either. They still want to keep you around for their own benefit (such as being too afraid or insecure to be alone). so their intention is to hang onto you and make you miserable (such as by threatening to leave you and saying they don't love you) as a tactic to force you to change, taking advantage of the fact that you desperately want them to stay. if your gf is this sort of person, then it's likely that even if you make the changes she wants, it won't stop there and she'll become more and more demanding.
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