A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:So I have been dating someone that is 42,never married and no kids.She is a very smart person,has a great job,has alot to offer.She says that she wants a relationship and hasnt been in too many.Then tells me she has dated alot but they only seem to last a month or 2.She says by then she has figured out there no good for her cause she knows what she wants and wont settle for less. I guess my question is should this be a red flag?? Kinda feeling theres a reason why she is single. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): maybe she has a very strong interest .and she prefer her hobby to a man
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2013):
 She may be too picky... or maybe she just hasn't met her mate yet
we have friends who just got married in September first time for both bride and groom... Bride is 40 groom is 52. My husband just married me as his first marriage at age 39...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): If you haven't found what you want in 20+ years of looking then you are almost surely holding out for something unrealistic. That is true for most things, not just mates.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): Fatherly advice: I'm 40, single, no kids, not bitter. Lovely family and friends. I have not 'lost' relationship skills. I work in a caring profession, support myself, play music, write songs. Not yet found a man I want to marry. I could have married many times over but have not done so and don't regret it, since i knew deep down that none of those guys were right. I'm open to love and would rather wait for the right person than compromise who I am. As for all the best people being taken first, maybe the best people are the ones who are strong enough to wait!
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 March 2013):
 If you haven't found an adequate partner in over 20 years, it's not too likely that you will find one now. In fact, the chances go down with age. The available pool of potential dates decreases with the best being removed first. Then as you live alone your personality shapes itself into a single, rather than couple mode. You lose your relationship skills. and frequently become quite bitter to the world.
All of this could be happening. On the other hand if you have passed the 2 month mark you have beat the average.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually she is a little controlling.I am starting to think this is what drives men away...maybe a little emasculating at the same time...not sure though
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (27 March 2013):
Dear OP,
My experience with dating is: You always know the red flag - in hindsight. When it's gone wrong, you find so many reasons why you should have noticed it was going to fail. When somebody hurt you, you look back and think "I should have known this was going to happen because..". But to know these things in advance is very difficult.
If I was you, I'd keep on dating her but maybe try to take it slow and easy. Get to know her better before you make a judgement about whether or not there's a reason why she' s single. Maybe you can even discuss it openly. Ask her, what is it that she wants - adventure, security, physical attraction?
What I would find positive about the woman you are dating is, that she really wants to be in a relationship. She probably knows that society views her being single at this age as a flaw, as well. But despite that, she goes through the painful and tiring process of dating and dating and dating until she finds what she needs. So at least you know, she's got personality. She's independent. If she's also selfish or unable to compromise, you have to find out.
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (27 March 2013):
 I don't buy into this red flag thing. Everyone is different. So what if she's been unlucky in love before. If she hasn't you two wouldn't be together now so you should be glad. Give the poor woman a chance. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't, big don't try and sabotage it before its had a chance!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): 42 and never been in a relationship longer than a month or two...yes, major red flag. By now, at her age, her what she wants list should have turned into a "these are my deal breakers" list.It's one thing to say you won't settle, it's another thing to be running on that plan your entire life. You get to a point in your life where things that were important at age 20 are really not so imporant anymore, a lot of the superficial stuff starts to disappear, etc. There could be, and probably are a lot of reasons why she remains in the relationship status that she always seems to be in. In her mind, she's on top, but to other's in time, they don't like the package and that's the end of that. All you can really do is tread lightly and see how things go, keep in casual and enjoy her company as a companion. Don't jump in too fast and pay attention. If her stories about her dating always lead to the guy not being the right one and she doesn't seem to have any ownership to the relationship, cut your losses and move on. It's her, not them and you will be the next victim.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 March 2013):
 Could be that she has unrealistic expectations, could be she hasn't found the "right" guy for her.
How long have you two dated?
I think it's totally OK for people to NOT settle. After all how happy would that make one? And how happy would it make the person they "settle" with?
Who know maybe you are that one for her? Is she that one for you?
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