A
male
age
51-59,
*goraki
writes:I am with a girl for about 5 yrs. I like her very much and our sexual life was very beautiful, until 3 months before, when disaster came.Here is what happened: I had never asked her anything about her past, I knew only what she had told me herself without me asking anything.And that was that she only had 2 relations before me, they were not important, they didn't last for long and sex with them was a terrible thing.More specific, from time to time she was telling me that sex was a real big problem in her previous relations, the others were not happy with her in bed, she was not active at all, she denied to do the most and they were always complaining.She used to say that she discovered the beauty of sex with me, I'm the only one with whom she has orgasms etc.But most of all, she kept on saying that it was always a very painful experience before me and she never enjoyed it.She often mentioned how difficult it was for them to get inside her, how much pain she was feeling during the intercourse and that she always tried to be patient until it's over, so that the guy will not get dissapointed.And she was ending telling me I'm the only one she can fit with and thanking me for showing to her what an enjoyable thing sex can be.I was trying to avoid the thought, but when I was hearing those things, in the back of my mind was growing the idea that her previous lovers were very big down there. I'm just average in length and quite good in girth. But definitely I have never given a woman all that pain she described.When I get inside her, only in the begining I have to be slow and careful, but after it's really easy going.Anyway, one time just after we finish sex she said without me she would have never knew that sex could be such a nice thing and not the painful experience she always had. Then for the first time I asked spontaneously but very cool: Were your exes very well endowed?She answered nothing, like she didn't hear the question. I didn't insist and for once more I let it go away.But came a time that I couldn't help it. I asked her to tell me a few things about her past and conversation brought the fact that her relations were not so insignificant, they lasted for about 1 year the first and 3 yrs the second, and she said she tried very hard to feel good in sex with them but it was impossible.Then I asked her why you always felt all that pain? She said "I don't know".-Were you wet? -In the beggining probably not, then maby, I'm not sure.-Could it be that they were very big? -I don't remember.-How can that be? -I never noticed their size. I was too shy and it was always dark.-Yes but when it's inside you? -I only know it hurt and I didn't like it.-So you have no idea why it hurt? -Probably because emotionally I was so closed. I was not opening my self. I didn't feel comfortable with these men, and I had no real sexual desire. I just had to do it.After this dialogue it has never been the same for me.I lost completely the passion and any desire to make love to her because I am pretty sure that my fears are real but she doesn't tell me the truth because she doesn't want to hurt me. But when I ask her she insists very hardly that she told me the perfect truth.And that means that she never noticed and she don't remember anything about the size of her previous lovers. And that pain was caused by emotional reasons.Now here is the question ladies: Could it ever be true?I would love to believe her but this explanation sounds impossible to me.Please don't tell me "why you care for that, you are not mature" etc etc.I'm only interested to know what you think is true: Her story or my conclusion.Thank you!
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her ex, her past, orgasm, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2015): All these men obsessed with size of penis of previous partners..you are just playing a stupid mind game, looking for division ...because the question should never be asked ..it is ridiculous...if you hurt so badly about her ex penis you should go and find her ex and ask the question yourself..that would be a little more discreet in a way.
A
male
reader, sunluv187  +, writes (27 May 2015):
@OP, i think we are married to the same person. Lol. We have a very similar situation. My wife also had contradictions. When we met she spoke about things to me very easily were i thought she was very easy and well experienced in sex. When i had sex with her and continued to, i realized right away she was nothing like that. In fact she was very timid and shy about it and not at all sexual. Thats why when i hear her say now that she said things back then to probably sound cool, it very well could be the truth. In my post, everyone responds how im fixated on it and 1 guy even wrote i have dick envy or something. The truth is the contradictions are what bother me and again yes maybe its me but i feel why lie about things instead of being honest. Again, could be on both our heads and we made up thats the situation and we wont accept anything else
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A
male
reader, Agoraki +, writes (27 May 2015):
Agoraki is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Sunluv 187: Thanks for the reply.My friend, I'll be honest with you and tell you what I really think about my girlfriend so that you can make any comparison and get your conclusion.I believe my gf is a very good person. She is honest, sensitive and kind. I truly believe she loves me and she has the best intentions about me.So would she ever lie to me? Of course she would.Not from bad intense, but because like almost everybody else, she believes that a lie can often make life easier. I have lied for the same reasons. I believe almost everybody has.Sometimes truth hurts. If you love someone you want to protect him from pain.I'm thinking: If I was her and I would find out that the size of my exes has become a main issue for the man I love and care, bringing him over the limits of depression, what would I do? Would I ever admit they were much bigger? No. No way. Not in a million. Not if I really loved him. I would deny it with all my power. When I met her she told me very much the same with your wife, like she had sex very few times, she had done nothing but missionary, never oral, never enjoyed anything etc.It seemed for me almost impossible to believe, but on the other hand I couldn't imagine that she would insist so much on a lie.With the passing of time and even though I never asked anything, it happened to bump on some contradictions and when recently I decided to get seriously into this conversation, I found out that things were not very close to what she had described at first.I tried to clarify things and finally after some speaking she gave me a statement somehow like that: "O.K., yes, I tried everything. Not because I liked it but because I had to. But it was always sad and dissapointing. So I wasn't lying when I said I've done nothing because it actually meant nothing to me" etc etc.So was there any truth in her original statements? Yes, plenty of truth. The ground is real. But mostly in the way she felt it and less in the way it actually happened.Why she lied? Because she thought the less distance she had from virginity, the more I would appreciate and love her.And finally where is the truth? Somewhere in the middle I guess, like usual. One way or another, practically or emotionally, the base of her story is truthful, with much exaggeration probably, but mostly truthful.So what is the conclusion, does she remember her exes sizes and she doesn't want to tell me?Probably yes. Maybe not exactly but at least she must have an idea about them.And why she doesn't tell me? Probably because she loves me.Am I sure about this conclusion? No, not at all.Does it fit for your case also?No, it's very possible that your wife has told you just the perfect truth.So finally how do I continue in life with her and the idea that possibly her previous lovers have been much bigger than me?I don't know yet, but I must find a way to get over it because it's a pitty to spoil my love and my life and her's also.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2015):
 OP, I'd say that, between you and her ,you have amply responded to your questions. The Aunts confirmed.
How big must " he " have been to cause pain ?
Not that big, OP, in fact a small one is enough- as long as you aren't properly lubricated.
Why she could not get comfortable and aroused enough in one year or 3 years ?
She told you : because the first one was clumsy and selfish. And the second, she never liked hi that way and kept him around just for company ( ... which if we want to nitpick wasn't very cool of her at all ,but whatever, it has nothing to do with your question ).
The Aunts confirmed.
So, we have rational, logical , experiential answers to your doubts. And all the Aunts , at least the regulars, pardon the immodesty ... are very GOOD with this kind of documentable stuff.
For the irrational... the neurotic... the voices in your head.... I don't know OP, with all due respect , maybe see a counselor ?... Or a shaman ?:)
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A
male
reader, sunluv187 +, writes (27 May 2015):
Hey, I posted a very similar question recently and im in an almost exact situation. My wife swears sex was always bad before she met me and says before me she never knew what sex was amd never enjoyed it. I too have that same voice in my head saying shes lying and dwelling on it and even thinking the exact opposite things she tells me. She also states she was never into sex with these people, never a sexual person and only had sex because she never stopped it, thought it was cool and what she had to do. So based on your girls same exact responses, i am starting to think, maybe they are telling the truth. I know women have told me that fr women, its not like men where we can put our dick in pretty much anything and get off, the women has to be emotionally involved to be comfortable enough to let themselves go.
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A
male
reader, Agoraki +, writes (26 May 2015):
Agoraki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry if I've seemed frustrating, honestly I read everything written here with attention and gratitude and I appreciate very much each one of you that took the time to deal with my problem.So, thank you again.But if I still express my doubts don't get annoyed, it's not that I don't take seriously your answers, it's just due to the devil's advocate voice, telling me that I'm searching for another explanation since the obvious one doesn't suit me and the "matter of size" is something I just wouldn't like to accept...Why I let this voice affect me?Well, not because I engaged myself in a "big dick contest", neither it is that I would like to hurt my girlfriend in sex to "satisfy my male ego".Actually, the matter of size was not very much a theme for me, before I realized I heard her too many times telling me how much sex hurt before me. Inevitably this caused some kind of intrigue in my mind. And sex is a mind game.For me she is the most beautiful and delicate girl I've ever seen. When touching her, subconscious I used to have some kind of "gentle beast" sensation about myself. And I treated her as if I try to open a closed flower.Now the thought of her accommodating someone significantly larger inside her caused me to miss totally this feeling.For instance, after the first 5-10 "tighter" minutes of intercourse she becomes so incredibly wet that I have to make use of a towel otherwise the feeling becomes a little loose. Then I can't stop myself from thinking "how big must someone have been for causing her pain? I can't imagine, really."I know, the answer here is that she was probably not becoming that much wet with her previous boyfriends. And this is something I can believe because also with me she is now becoming aroused much easier and quicker and way more lubricated than in the first years of our relation.But still, I wonder, how can it be that she was so "totally closed" ever before me, since her previous relations were not of the kind of "one night stand" or something, but normal relations with plenty of time to experiment upon coitus?When I asked this, she said about the first one (with whom she has been together for 1 year) that he just cared to rush his dick inside her and did fast and strong no matter if she's ready or not, and about the second, that she was mostly avoiding sex because she was just not attracted to him and not becoming aroused at all, but stayed with him for 3 whole years just to have a company!And sometime she stated: "If they were something special in matters of size, I would have noticed and I would remember it. I wish they had been huge and I had enjoyed, but I'm pretty sure they were not..." LOL!!! And this is where I resign and go fishing.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 May 2015):
OP, ... you are one frustrating OP :). Do you even BOTHER reading what we write ?
So, no other explanation "but the size " for pain during intercourse ???...
Plenty of explanation, as you'd know if you were a woman. Having sex without being properly aroused / lubricated feels like being sandpapered, it goes from uncomfortable to downright PAINFUL. If you don't believe us, ask any OB/GYN, or check a medical encyclopedia- it's that easy !
But no, you are fixated on big c..ks. So , whatever SHE says, or we say, or a doctor says, in your mind will be
" she had bigger ".
What baffles me,though, even supposing this was the case....., then what ? She had bigger- and she HATED it. Would not this leave you in a position of neat advantage over the other lovers ? Or what is this, same teenagerial " who's got the biggest cock " contest ?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (26 May 2015):
 Again, if these guys were selfish lovers and did not take the time to arouse her with foreplay - in cruder terms, to get her "wet" before attempting sex - ANY size penis would cause pain.
And no, you can't blame her for telling you she found sex with them painful, because you state in your first post that YOU started the conversation about her past - that you had asked about it before and not received an answer, and that eventually YOU brought it back up.
You don't have to like that you know these things about her past. But you do need to accept that you are being illogical, or you're going to alienate the woman you love. Don't teach her that your reward for her honesty is blame and doubt or she may not be so quick to give you a truthful response in the future.
Let it go.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 May 2015):
Let's just say they were bigger. That doesn't mean better. She obviously didn't enjoy it and she obviously does with you. If you have an average size penis you basically have to accept the fact that you probably aren't the biggest she's seen.
Women have to deal with similar issues. My wife hates that one of my exes had big boobs. I don't give a crap about it, I am perfectly happy with what my wife looks like.
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A
male
reader, Agoraki +, writes (26 May 2015):
Agoraki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all, you are very helpful.
However, when I try to believe her story theres a voice inside me saying: "Hey, c'mon, don't be a sucker, just accept the truth. Bad luck, she had bigger. Accept it or leave."
I know it's not her fault, she didn't do anything wrong. Not in the past I mean. Because to overemphasize to me about pain with her exes was not a wise thing.
Especially since I never asked.
And especially since she didn't have a convincing explanation about it, other than the size I mean.
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A
male
reader, Agoraki +, writes (26 May 2015):
Agoraki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all, you are very helpful.
However, when I try to believe her story theres a voice inside me saying: "Hey, c'mon, don't be a sucker, just accept the truth. Bad luck, she had bigger. Accept it or leave."
I know it's not her fault, she didn't do anything wrong. Not in the past I mean. Because to overemphasize to me about pain with her exes was not a wise thing.
Especially since I never asked.
And especially since she didn't have a cnvimcing exlanation about it, other than the size I mean.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 May 2015):
 Her story rings true to me.
Clearly you are far more interested in male genitalia (for comparison purposes) than she is so perhaps it's difficult for you to accept that she doesn't keep a mental filing system of her previous boyfriends' endowments.
On top of that I imagine she is probably fed up being asked about it, and subsequently not being believed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): EXCUSE ME?And what would you prefer,sir? That you "hurt" her instead of please her just to satisfy your male ego???I can be honest-my ex had a big ****. So what?It was great for some positions, but other positions were literally impossible because it hurt so much.Also,I think because it was big he never made effort in other ways (pleasing me,I mean). He thought his big **** was enough...As your gf can testify (coz she is NO longer with them, EVEN IF they were big), it definitely isn't the most important thing in the world.Btw, shortly after I met a guy with a magical tongue. Believe me when I tell you, I'll take Mr. Magical Tongue over Mr. Big **** any day!
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (23 May 2015):
 While to men certain vagina size and shape would matter, for women, the size largely does not matter. Females are capable of a vaginal orgasm in so many ways but statistics show that up to 80% of women never orgasm via penetration of penis. Given that your woman finally is having penal orgasm from you then you should be proud that you moved her out of the majority 80% and into minority 20% who are capable of enjoying such orgasm. Given your accomplishment, I would say that there was something truly wrong with her previous penises who were unable to make he joyous. Therefore, relax and enjoy that your woman is satisfied by your bedtime capacities. Cheers!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (23 May 2015):
Her explanation is totally possible.
Generally women do not pay to what a penis looks like a tenth of the attention than mysteriously men do.
I have seen penises of course, and some of them, I have seen them consistently for years and years , and still I would be hard pressed to describe them in details or comparing them sizewise to other penises. Well, I am also very bad at recognizing faces, I just have no memory for this kind of stuff- but for genitalia , even more. Maybe it's true that men are much more visual than women,- or perhaps veginas lok prettier than penises and are more memorable ? Anyway, I had sex in full light, in front of mirrors, etc.- and how " it " looked like still did not quite register . To tell you the truth, I find penises visually unappealing, the typical stuff like... seafood, it feels great once it's inside you, but who wants to LOOK at it ?
So, it's perfectly possible that she does not remember the size correctly, but just the sensation ;and the sensation was bad.
- The bad sensation has got nothing to do with size, but with her degree of lubrication and excitement, and with her general psychological condition. A vagina is very elastic and can easily stretch to accomodate bigger sizes if the person is psyched up about it, or, au contraire, the smallest sizes might feel like a bothersome, intrusive, painful extraneous object if the woman ,for whatever reason ,is not completely willing and ready to have intercourse.
For reason of hers ( insufficient chemistry, she did not feel loved or appreciated, issues with her own body,.. it mmay have been everything ... ) she was not quite comfortable having sex with these men, and the painful sensation reflects her emotional and psychological condition, not the size of her lovers.
But- important point- suppose they WERE bigger . So what ? She did not like them, i.e. , even if your theory was correct- obviously she does NOT enjoy bigger. If it HURTS, in her case the bigger they are the less she likes them, obviously. ( Which is also totally possible, I will never understand why men can't believe that every woman is an individual with very personal preferences and quirks, there's LITERALLY no " one size fits all ": some women enjoy the sensation of being stretched, filled to the max, let's say tested to their limits- and some other women just DON'T ). So why would you have to worry , in this case ? Your ( totally hypotethical ) smaller size would be a plus ,not a minus in her eyes ! ).
And.. I guess we have reached what's the real point of this issue . This is not about her or her sexual satisfaction- this is about you engaging ( as often men , God only knows why ) in some vaguely homoerotic " big dick contest ". No disrespect or impertinence meant OP, but- if she feels fulfilled and satisfied and had the best sex of her life ever with your medium sized dick- i.e. if she does not crave big dicks ; but you feel upset / mortified / jealous that she MIGHT have seen bigger dicks than yours - logic is logic, OP, then the one who puts a prize on big dicks , and thinks they are beautiful ....it's you, not her.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (23 May 2015):
To my previous post I'd like to add one thing.
WHATEVER the reason, your partner says sex with you is the best it has ever been for her.
There is no better compliment than that.
If you are more focused on having the biggest dick in a competition with men who you will never meet - and who do not matter - than being the best lover you can to the woman who adores you, you are MISSING THE POINT.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (23 May 2015):
Her story is completely true.
I've had eight partners in my lifetime - about a 50/50 mixture of casual/one- or two-night stands and committed relationships.
I saw ALL OF THEM in lighted rooms, some dozens and dozens if not hundreds of times, and in all honesty the only penis that is memorable to me in any way (other than my current partner's because I see it just about daily) belonged to a guy who had hypospadias, a condition where the urethra ends somewhere OTHER than the very tip of the penis. Before I was with him I did not know such a condition existed.
I honestly could not tell you how they rank in order of size, but I can tell you that "biggest dick" and "best lover" are not the same person!
I'm betting you ALSO make better use of foreplay than her previous partners, because she says that sex with you is enjoyable for her whereas it was not with the others. It sounds like they cared more about their own pleasure and didn't bother trying to get her off.
For the record, ANY size penis can cause pain when a woman is dry and not aroused. I love my current partner, and I feel all kinds of emotional connection with him, but I still need foreplay or sex is going to hurt. A woman who "has no real sexual desire" and is doing something out of a feeling of obligation definitely isn't aroused and probably won't become aroused even WITH attempted foreplay. In that situation, just about any kind of sex with any size partner is likely to be an unpleasant experience.
Again, your partner isn't lying to you, and making her relive these memories of sex she genuinely didn't enjoy probably upsets her a lot.
Hope this helps you move forward from this issue. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 May 2015):
It sounds believable to me. Some women are so nervous and uncomfortable when they're having sex with the wrong person that it just can't be enjoyable. They're too tense.
My wife has said similar things to me about her past. I never asked about specifics but she said she had never truly felt comfortable with anyone she'd been with before.
I think you need to stop being such a typical guy and forget about it. You're going to ruin a good thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): Yes what she's saying could be true. Intercourse can be painful for all kinds of reasons but from personal experiences its been a combination of tension, lack of arousal and an inconsiderate lover which is similar to what your gf said.
She won't necessarily know whether they're bigger than you or not. I've had about half a dozen lovers but could not rate them in terms of penis size as one is much like another as far as l'm concerned. The vagina expands to accommodate whatever size men are so you can't tell by feeling either.
Just suppose your worst fears are true and her previous lovers were more well-endowed than you then what? She's made it clear that she's the most satisfied she's ever been with you so what do you have to worry about?
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