A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have started seeing a couples counselor again. It was my idea because I thought us having guidance was a good idea. However, the issues I brought up I wasn't happy with the counselor may not have seen the whole picture. Straight up, I don't like how often he plays video games. I have asked him for help around the house and although I get it sometimes, it's not enough that I feel relief. I voiced this wind understood where my bf was coming from and conceded that we should at least spend 2 hours a week together. I talked to my therapist about this and she suggested that another counselor may be needed.so to this morning, we got into a fight over music volume. Silly I know, but I wanted to hear music. He didn't want it too loud. I moved the music to my side of the car. He wanted to hear it but I like my music loud. I thought this was a compromise but he states that I always find a way to get what I want. I let it slip how I felt about changing counselors and he said I was evil. I'm evil because "I wasn't happy that someone agreed with him and I wanted an answer that I wanted to hear". He says I'm evil because he knew this was going to happen and that it's all about me. But If I'm paying all the bills and I clean the house everyday, I want more help. Him taking the trash out once a week after I remind him or his room looking like a teenage boy he just doesn't care. So right before we both start work we're mad and he's said we're done. I never wanted us to be done, I wanted us to be what we needed from each other but I have a history of depression and anxiety and my therapist stated I either have to deal with how he makes me feel or leave, but I feel like everyone's losing. It's not that I want vindication, I want understanding from my perspective. I get him and how this appears, but we're just not happy anymore. Am I evil because I want a second opinion? Because I want someone to be real with him and let him know his unhappiness translates to him using video games to pacify him.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 May 2015):
 If you don't feel the counselor is HELPING, request a new one. Other wise you are wasting your time and money.
It's not about being evil. Finding a counselor who can SUPPORT you BOTH is vital, one that takes sides? is not doing his/her job IMHO.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2015): You're not evil. You both are an incompatible couple wasting your money on couples counseling.
On a separate note; if you suffer anxiety, stick with your therapist. It takes too much time to rebuild a relationship, and you essentially have to start from scratch to get acquainted. It's odd to be told to get second therapist. Are you sure you weren't advised to seek a "specialist" regarding your anxiety, having nothing to do with your relationship issues? Health-insurance is only going to cover so much of this therapy you know?
You bicker over petty things; and calling someone evil is a terrible choice of words to use toward your mate. Why would he want to stay with an "evil" girlfriend? Why would you want to stay with someone who thinks you're evil; when he's an obnoxious game-head!
You don't look for counselors to tell you what you want to hear. You may as well just hand your money to anyone walking by on the street. Many couples-counselors are hacks anyway. They take your money, and won't come clean and just say you aren't meant for each other.
In the end, after much money wasted; you'll figure it out for yourselves. I wouldn't appreciate my boyfriend calling me "evil." You're clinging to this guy, and he's just going through the motions with this couples therapy; because you insist on it.
You don't want a second opinion, he was right. You want someone who agrees with you. You can save yourself a load of time and money by just dumping the guy like you should.
Saving a marriage is worth all that amount of time, effort, and expense. Not trying to cling to a lazy trifling man-boy, and poor excuse of a boyfriend! Especially when you're dealing with anxiety at the same time!!!
There you have it, free of charge!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2015): No its not evil at all.It is recommended that you ask for another counsellor if you feel you are getting nowhere. The issue your trying to get at is that you feel you have no control in this relationship and are being treated as if youre his mum then you might have to recognise that the relationship is unhealthy for you.This needs to be looked at for you to come to terms with it.
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