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anonymous
writes: Been going out with a woman (55 years old) who has been separated for 8 years but still sees her husband, who lives nearby, from time to time. She also finished with boyfriend of the last 8 years about 3 months ago - at the time I started seeing her. We have had an honest - but not physical relationship (although she knows I would like one). We hold hands, kiss occasionally etc but she does not want much more at this stage - despite appearing to like me a lot. But last weekend she went out with her ex- boyfriend (initially on the pretence he had come to collect a few things from her house) but they apparently had a pleasant evening. She has told me the only thing that will threaten our relationship is if I put too much pressure on her. Do I need to find out how far she went with the boyfriend, or should I play it cool and think nothing of it?
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (16 April 2005):
 Honey, I think you need to move on and to leave her to cool for a while! Shes obviously still dealing with issues with her ex. Its not fair on you to be some distraction for her, whilst she deals with getting over her ex. Its clear she isnt over him and is either using you to make him jealous, or using you for something to do when hes not around. She probably does like you alot, but shes not being very fair with you. She needs to be on her own for a while I think, so that she can decide what she wants. At the moment its clear that she doesnt know herself. She went straight from one relationship to another, with no breathing space. Maybe you should cool it for a while, leave her to have her space and see how the land lies in a couple of months, if you are still interested them. At the moment you are just in a waiting game with her, while she sees if her ex is going to remain that way. Move on maybe and found someone new, its not nice for you to be playing second fiddle. Shes secretly hoping that her ex will get back with her and your there as a back up should that not happen by the sound of it. Do whats best for you, if the relationship doesnt work for both parties it will be hard going and in the end destined to fail.Take care x
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