A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I made the mistake of not deleting my internet history after watching porn one night recently, and my wife discovered what I'd been up to. She was annoyed about it and said porn counts as cheating unless we watch it together. At the time I didn't retaliate but now, a couple of days later, I feel quite angry with her reaction.I'm angry because she often resorts to using her "battery operated boyfriend", most usually during early mornings when she assumes (wrongly) that I'm still asleep, but also sometimes immediately after we've had sex!! Apart from making me feel totally inadequate, surely this must also count as infidelity if watching porn does? Something is actually going up inside her for goodness sake!I haven't mentioned these thoughts to her yet and would appreciate some other folks' opinions before I do so. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): If she pulls it out right after sex I bet you are not making her come. Get her to come well and she will be much like a guy in that she won't want any more stimulation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): Generally women don't shove up vibrator up themselves. They apply it to the clitoris as this is the area that needs attention for an orgasm to happen. Not vaginal penetration. Basic fact of the female anatomy that is crucial to a mutually fulfilling sex life.
I've been known to get the vibrator out after unsatisfying sex, not to upset my partner or rub his nose in it (actually its often while he's cleaning up in the bathroom) but because I damned if I'm going to sit there feeling all sexually frustrated while my partners in post-orgasm bliss.
I think she may be less satisfied by your sex life than you think ..... Talk about it with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2013): Yes she hates you getting into porn but she pulls out the vibrator after sex because she still needs more attention. Sex is a two way street. My boyfriend of three years hasn't watched porn since we have been together because we talked about what I didn't like in a relationship. No porn, no sex texting, no cheating or lies. He told me he didn't want me shoving a vibrator into myself while we were having sex. He wanted to satisfy me without the aid devices. It took about three months of trying different techniques and he got into my groove and I don't miss or want a vibrator. All I am trying to say that you have to find out what makes your wife happy if you don't want her using a vibrator after intercourse. You need to investigate intimacy between the two of you to the point where you would need or want porn or she wont need to shove a vibrator into herself. Intimacy is a two way street between couples. Hard thing to do. Good-luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2013): I personally never understand why women are so up set about porn watching. For me its not even a su get to talk about, unless it's a legal porn.
The fact that she is using a vibrator right after sex with is a different story. She obviously doesn't orgazm with you, that's why she uses help. It's the same if. You masturabate right after sex with her. Why would you do it if you finished? If it makes you feel inadequate why not ask her how she likes it to satisfy her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2013): I assume my wife is satisfied as she usually climaxes when we make love. I know she isn't faking as I can actually 'feel' her coming. As to whether it's enough I don't know, but am assuming not if she feels the need to whip BOB out straight after. I guess we need to talk about this, although I agree with the poster who said that her getting the vibe out immediately after sex with me isn't particularly tactful.I've decided to stop watching porn, for my own reasons as much as out of consideration for my wife. If she in turn agrees to ditch the vibrator, at least straight after sex the way she uses it at present, then all's good. If not, I may invest in a blow-up doll. After all, that's just an inanimate object (like a vibrator) so would presumably be acceptable to her. It'll be interesting to see how great my wife reacts when I get the bike pump out and hop aboard "Plastic Pam" directly after marital intimacy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2013): i hate porn but my boyfriend lies and watches it behind my back and i know how she must feel its horrible, and just one question that you shouldnt take badly. do you satisfy her you dont know how frustrating it is we men can always orgasm and women cant, just let her do it and you should stop
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2013): If the two of you are not on the same page about porn viewing and one person is against it when you are in a relationship or married, then there is no business for porn in a relationship. Considering you had to hide it and slipped up, there must be something wrong. If you already know what you are doing is not acceptable in your marriage, but you are doing it anyway, you are not a trust worth person and you are going to sabotage your marriage if you keep it up. Doesn't look like your wife is hiding anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2013): Porn is watching a person and getting arousal and orgasm, a vibrator is a piece of material. Porn is a lot more hurtful, just my opinion.
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A
male
reader, appliance  +, writes (1 June 2013):
1- Watching pornography is not cheating. I'm always amazed, browsing this site, at how much this is a problem for some couples. It's fantasy, it's not real! How can something that is NOT real could be cheating?? As long as your viewing habits are not interfering with your sex life (or life in general) there is absolutely no problem.2- She has every right to use her vibrator, but I agree that using it immediately after sex is not very tactful. I would also feel inadequate. How would a woman feel (even if she's perfectly ok with porn) if you were walking straight to your computer after sex to turn on some porn and masturbate?I don't think infidelity is the point here. Using a vibrator is no more cheating than watching adult movies. Cheating is having sex with another person while in a monogamous relationship. Did you ask her about the vibrator use right after sex? What did she answer? Is this a case where she wants to do whatever she feels like, no matter how it makes you feel, and at the same time "prohibit" you to do certain things? Is she using it as some kind of revenge for you watching porn or are you watching porn out of anger for her vibrator use?
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