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female
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*06girlie
writes: Ive been dating a wonderful guy for three months now, although that is a short amount of time, its been non-stop since we met..spending almost all of our spare time together, already talking of living together. Ive been anti-relationship for the past year and a half after a bad burn, but this guy is just so sweet and kind to me I was willing to take another chance and become involved. The first month into the relationship I became upset over myspace comments between him and a girl who lived thousands of miles away. He told me she was an old friend who lived in our city...when I found 30 page of msn logs between them I knew it was a lie. They talked of being in love and were checking their vacation times to plan a trip to meet. I tried to pretend I wasnt snooping and was hoping he was telling the truth, I kept asking about her and he kept lying until I showed him the logs. He became really upset and promised me to cut it off and he did.. Its been bliss since then until I got a myspace message from a stranger telling me my boyfriend had slept with "their friend" last week. The message pointed out that he had my car.. he did..I was out of town. I did some thinking and asked for the number of the girl he was casually dating when we met...he gaveher number without a second thought. I called and left her voicemail, a nice message because im never the kind of girl to be rude. She called me back and said that yes, while I was gone they had sex. She gave me the date and it was the same night I had been unable to get ahold of him while i was on vacation. He denied it and said he was at home sleeping that night... he told me she was just mad because he had broke it off with her using the line "im not ready for a relationship" and was now 100% with me. Her and I talked more and she told me exactly what he had on.. clothes he had purchased rather recentally. He then changed his story to say he had hung out with her for a few hours..nothing more. He is mad at me for not believing his word and trusting him. I am the kind of girl who usually trusts what the other girl has to say. I dont know what to do..he is still (48 hours later) SWEARING its not true...that she is just saying that for revenge. I trust him, I care for him, but the facts add up to cheating. What to believe? him or her?
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Hi,
I've got to say I agree with Dazzerg on this one. You'll never know exactly what happened. There are facts pointing either way. I would stay with your boyfriend, keep the Relationship going. If he did cheat, he probably won't be able to live with the guilt and confess. If he didn't and this girl continues to cause problems, you can kind of tell she just want to stir things up between you two.
This sort of thing, (pulling together) in a relationship can actually sometimes strengthen it. Increase the bond between you. Be strong and work through it. You never know what might happen!
I Wish You Well,
All The Best
Phoebe xxx
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (8 April 2006):
 Hiya,
I think when you can't go with your gut because your emotions are too involved in a situation then you have to look at a cold hard presentation of the facts. The problem arises here when the facts are a little inconclusive themselves.
i) He has previous form for lying and maintained his lie until you confronted him with the facts.
ii)The message you got, where did it come from? It seems to me that this message is a bit suspect, like somebody is diliberately seeking to stir things up. This at least fits his side of the story, that shes out looking for revenge. However, even if she is that doesnt mean they didnt have sex, she may feel used and such.
ii)It's true that she does have an agenda of her own so it wouldn't exactly be implausible to suggest she would make this up. He changed his story which doesnt bode well, however it is possible that all he wanted to conceal was the meeting. He may have felt this would have hurt you and so covered that up for that reason. Just because he concealed the meeting doesnt ipso facto mean they had sex and make his story untrue.
The fact is that you will probably never know 100% for sure what happened. The only two people that will are the two that are telling different stories. All the above doesnt change the fact he lied about meeting her and sought to conceal it, for what end that was its hard to tell. You have to think long and hard and go with your gut feeling. Hope that helps.
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