A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey there peeps, im having a really hard time right now in my relationship or the allusion of what used to be. She found some conversations i had with an ex and flipped out on me...i can completly understand that. I have never cheated in my entire life but this girl was five thousand miles away i didnt see it as cheating at the time but now i see it was. She still married me in fact she was the one taking care of everything and did everything to get married then we where seperated for six months she came back and didnt want anything to do with me and wanted a divorce. She says she cannot forget she forgives me everyday though..She says she loves me and wants to be with me just has to get her own mind right and get her trust back. We have had sex a few times but we went on vacation apart from each other and after twenty days we returned to each other and it was amazing better than we have ever been it was magical if you know what i mean...well that was about three weeks ago she seemed to want to be close to me that night and pulled me closer and closer which is what i want. since then she has been avoiding me and making it seem like its my fault she keeps breaking dates calling me an asshole and everything. she told me tonight during my five minutes with her that she had a gift for me but isnt going to give it to me she changed her mind until i can be more of a man. From a month before she found out i had stopped talking to this other person and have not spoke to them since. i became one hundred percent hers. She says i have changed completly well to that its what marriage does to a man. She says i am pushing her farther away and making me hate her more all the time. I am sorry for rambling but my question is what should i do because i have no idea i am exhausted?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): I agree with Lucy Lee she may feel guilty for getting close to you after that vacation...The fact that she gave into you emotionally probably makes her feel weak. But I really feel like she is projecting her feelings of self disgust and personal weakness on to you. I especially get that sense from this bit of your story:"since then she has been avoiding me and making it seem like its my fault she keeps breaking dates calling me an asshole and everything. she told me tonight during my five minutes with her that she had a gift for me but isnt going to give it to me she changed her mind until i can be more of a man."If a man did this to a woman, this would be called emotional abuse. Obviously she feels this term doesn't apply to women. Provided that you didn't cheat and that this communication was the only one of it's kind, and you apologized, my impression is that she is over-reacting and she is deeply insecure. She sounds controlling and incredibly manipulative.How can you build a relationship with someone who abuses you and refuses to trust you? You've done enough to make amends. It's up to her to give a little and she is being emotionally stingy.My advice is to give her the ultimatum of couples counselling or divorce. The will probably cost the same amount. You are both young and have a lot of room to grow and change, so if you love her, don't give up. Good luck.
A
female
reader, AmyN +, writes (19 January 2011):
This one is difficult indeed. It is obvious that she is not happy with something, and that she is not telling you the whole story of what is going on and how she feels. Trying to press this out of her though probably is not a good idea. If you have kids together then I would try to make it work a little harder for the kids sake.. but if not then perhaps it is time you consider your own happiness. A word of warning though.. If you do tell her you want to end it, and she tries to convince you to stay and begin a family do not do it!!!!!!! I know too many girls that have used this ploy and it never ever ever works out well for the guy, or the children. The best advise I can offer in any outcome of this situation is to wait for a long, ~long~ time before children if you two are without them. I wish you the best, and my heart aches for you 3
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