A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Well, I'm 15 and gay, and probably full of overused cliché, but I was with a guy for 9ish months, then he broke it with me. Obviously I was distraught, considering he was the first person I'd had feelings for, first person I'd ever been with, and a lot of many other firsts. Around a month before he ended it, we came out to his best friend. His friend was pretty accepting, but told him that it was "obvious" he was gay. My ex, I'll call him Lewis, was and is very self-concious, and has a very low self esteem. Since his friend said that, everything abobut Lewis changed. He was less responsive, less happy, and then he started to say he wanted an open relationship with a girl to, and I quote: "Everybody still thinks im straight, i mean, i act gay, so they think im not gay, but i am, so if i got a [cover girl friend], that would futher re-inforce the straight alias." I managed to get him not to do that, but things were still awkward. On the 26th he kissed one of my female friends and broke up with me. Anyway, since he broke up with me he went from being completely against homophobia to being homophobic, got a new girlfriend (my friend told him it was off the second she found out he was still going out with me at the time he kissed her) and did his very best to fit in. Recently I came out to everyone, and one of my friends thought this meant he was out too, so the relationship was forced into the limelight. At first it seemed pretty bad, to the point I overheard people planning on attacking him. My mother told me I had to speak to my Head of Year, who speculated that an inner fear of his sexuality could be the cause of his frequent outbursts of anger and ever falling grades.Now my question is, do you think he's covering up his sexuality? On the flip side, he was usually quite unresponsive when we were talking and has always been an under achiever. I don't find it hard to believe he was only bicurious at the time and sees the whole thing as a mistake, but in less than a year he may be leaving school, and I want to know the truth. I don't deny I still have feelings for him, but I want to know who he is before I never see him again. So, how do you think I could find out? I don't think it will be as easy as asking, as he's obviously uncomfortable with the subject. Anyway thank you for reading through this lovely overthought teenage drama, I hope you can help me.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Aunt Honesty is absolutely, positively right. I have nothing more to say, except that you both are young and he may just not be ready to come out yet. Maybe he still is a little confused, maybe he's not entirely comfortable with himself yet. He needs to take this at his own pace.
Keep being supportive as best you can, I suppose and try to not force the issue. He may not be ready to accept himself yet. Good luck, sweet thing!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Hi well i could almost safetly say that he is completely gay and always will be he is showing all of the classic teenage signs. First of can i say well done to you for coming out to all of your friends that takes real courage and strength to show the world who you are so well done.
Now on to this guy. Yes he is gay but he is just not comfortable with who he is at the moment. He is trying to fight it because he doesnt want people to look at him differently or treat him different or judge him because he is gay so classic behaviour of a teenager under this pressure will be to lash out at things, develop a temper, let his grades slip, get a girlfriend so that people will think that he is straight and the big one, he wil become homophobic.
In his eyes at the moment he probably envies you for being so true to yourself and he is just trying to deny to everyone he is gay even himself he is trying to change who he is so he is going to become homophobic because he will feel ashamed of being gay and therefore naturally turn on everyone who is gay. Dont take it personally it is just his way of dealing with it.
Am not sure though that you are going to get the truth out of this guy before school ends. I think maybe you could talk to him in private try and tell him that you know what he is going through and that you are there if he needs to talk. But i think he needs to deal with this himself and sadly many men try and pretend that they are someone they are not, some even go on to get married then start sleeping with men behind there wives back because they are truelly gay. Its sad that in this day and age we cant all be who we are without being scared of being judged.
I hope it works out for you in the future and you find someone that deserves your love. Goodluck.
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