A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am having fights with my fiancee almost everyday which she is a woman btw....for instance this morning she takes me to work every morning and drops me off i was tired and didnt want to drive so i asked her the night before if she wouldnt mind driving she said sure she didnt mind...but when the morning came she stays up so late that she is very tired and she asked me to drive...I replied with "i figured as much" she said i was being rude...there is very similiar fights that we have had this and she is giving me til the end of this month or we are not getting married...was i wrong? somebody please help me i dont want to lose her i cant lose her!!!
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female
reader, rambini  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 this is such a pointless non argument. for her to be giving you ultimatums over something so petty she is clearly not happy in the relationship and so regardless of what you do she will just give you more and more ultimatums until she gets fed up and leaves.
If you can't lose her, then it is an unhealthy relationship anyway because your love for each other should always out do you need for each other.
if you want a relationship to work, snide comments like "i figured as much" are always going to provoke arguments. they dont help anybody, and its better just to ignore it.
you gf was wrong in saying she would drive then staying up late - but since shes the one giving you ultimatums she clearly doesnt think she is in the wrong!
ultimatums are the death of a relationship, and it sounds like this relationship has probably run its course. however if you want to try and make it work you need to relax, and dont sweat the small stuff. who is going to drive isnt a massive issue, and it isnt worth breaking up over. your fiancee probably resents the fact she has to take you to work every single day, and so thinks its reasonable to expect you to drive there.
its about give and take, and it sounds like you are both taking each other for granted, and in a bit of a rut. spend some quality time together, have fun, and see if you can rekindle the love, or even try relationship counselling.
best of luck x
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Whether you are right or wrong, if you 'can't lose her' then you will have to submit to being pussy whipped unless you can call her bluff and make her compromise.
Personally I would not respond to such ultimatums.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (22 April 2010):
Whether you are right or wrong, if you 'can't lose her' then you will have to submit to being pussy whipped unless you can call her bluff and make her compromise.
Personally I would not respond to such ultimatums.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): Turn the ultimatum on her. Tell her that if she can't manage to sort through small disagreements such as these with you without having to threaten your engagement/marriage, then she can send packing. Yet, let it be known that is NOT what you want, that you do want to sort it out but it just isn't fair that she would so easily call it quits the moment she feels you don't have your 'act' together. Does she fail to see her wrong in this too? Not that either of you are necessarily right!
Apologize for your seemingly rude "figured as much" response, but in your defense say you only meant that you figured as much because you knew she had been up late.
Remind her, silly arguments as these are not something to end a relationship with. Remind her that you love her and want to make sure all lines of communication are open if you plan to go through with this marriage.
Hoped this helped. Let me know how it goes =)
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A
female
reader, Just Diana  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Good golly, you are losing yourself! and she sounds like a manipulative control freak. Sounds like she likes to wield the power over your relationship. Hmmmm....I would be veryyyyyy cautious. And its not about whether or not you were right or wrong.......its about healthy communication.........and how a situation made you feel or her, TALK TALK TALK.........for her to be giving ultimatims now already is veryyyy worrying.
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