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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, Im having a little bit of a problem here. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for some time now and she seems to complain or lead on that "if only you were a little bit taller..." because she is about an inch taller than me. She says she still likes me but there seems to still be some unrest in her. I think its messed up that my height bothers our relationship and im not going to take any type of growth pill. What should i do about the situation? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (11 December 2006):
 Hello Anon,
I agree with you, I think that is pretty messed up. I can't imagine why she'd think to say that to you - it's not like you can do anything about it. And even if you could, then I still think it would unfair of her to say anything like that. It's may be because she is really self-concious and doesn't want to be taller than you since that's not how most couples are. It sounds like she has some issues to deal with on her own.
But as for what you two can do together - if you find that it's really bothering either one of you, you guys need to sit down and decide if this is actually going to be a major factor in the relationship. If it is, then I suggest you get out early. It's going to get old hearing that for much longer, I can already tell from your post. If this is something that she can overcome, then that's great. But I think it's important for her to know how much it is and has bothered you. Just tell her what's on your mind, but try not to sound like you're attacking her (or else it will probably just turn into an argument).
I know when my husband dated girls before me, some of them were really shallow and broke up with him because of his height. Lame! You can really see how they valued him, right? But there are girls out there who like guys shorter than them (like me) or they just don't care about that sort of thing, so if your relationship with her doesn't work out then it's not like all girls will be this way (but you probably already know that). Plus if she tends to value your looks over anything else, it's probably better that you got out of the relationship anyway, you know? (I agree with Rainee when she says, "If height is such an issue to her, why did she get with you in the first place? ...get with someone who appreciates every aspect of you.")
So try talking to her, and if she can't let it go then I say good riddance.
Take care.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (11 December 2006):
 I dont think its messed up at all; I know quite a few women who prefer taller guys. I would say that the point is that shes still with you and obviously it doesnt bother her that much or else she wouldnt have got with you in the first place. I cant help wondering if the unrest is in you and this remark has caused you to feel a little insecure. The bottom line is that you said it yourself, you have been together for some time, why let this spoil that??
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A
reader, Rainee +, writes (11 December 2006):
 Technically you can gain a little height by doing stretches (yoga is good) but that will only get you about half an inch or so (I'm proof).
The real problem lies in that fact that your girlfriend is shallow. To be hung up on such a minor physical issue (not even really a flaw) suggests that she at best is an extreme nitpicker (a real flaw), and at worst is someone completely absorbed with herself and how she looks (and by extension as her boyfriend, how you look) to everyone else.
If height is such an issue to her, why did she get with you in the first place?
It might be better to break it off with her and get with someone who appreciates every aspect of you than to try to figure out her hang-ups.
GL
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