A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I've been seeing this girl for over a year and a half now. We've broken up and got back together countless numbers of times. We're sooooo in love and the whole world can see it. Even can't deny it, even when we hate each other's guts.The problem is, she doesn't think I understand or connect with her at all. She thinks that after like 20 months of being around her, I should know almost everything there is to know about her. She wants someone that can read her mind almost, someone that totally gets it and can see right through her. I too agree with her on this to a certain extent. I wouldn't say that I don't necessarily understand her, I just don't the way I should after a year and a half I guess. Our chemistry id soo f'd up. Our relationship is not what it used to be. We've grown and come to realize that we're totally different people and sometimes want we want different things. I don't know what to do when shes upset with me, and she hates that. I don't know what to do when shes upset period. Frankly, I'm a little scared of doing anything just cause I don't want to piss her off any more. She has quite a temper and she can give you shade like no one else, and that crap hurts.And other things that bring us down, are our never ending jealousy issues, we don't have sex anymore, haven't been for the last 6 months (I'd like to blame that on her, just cause I'm all for intimacy anywhere anytime cause I'm just a touchly feely person like that, but I know better than to blame her for anything cause ts always my fault), and I guess we just don't spend a lot of time together nor communicate very well, but she says that all goes back to me "not understanding and knowing how to talk to her"...I know I have these problems, and I want to fix them and learn how to pay more attention, satisfy her needs, and try to understand her, I just don't know how or where to start. I love this girl with every fiber of my being and I can just never let her go. I always try, so that she may find someone else who does get her, but we're always drawn back. I would do anything for her, and I really want to this for her. I'm just wondering if its too late for us...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jim Kirk +, writes (18 December 2010):
It ain't late man. If you are always back together and still love each other, than it ain't late. I really don't have an answer like "do this and you'll be happy", no. But I do have some sugestions: Don't, I say DON'T ever try to understand her completely. You won't. And don't take everything she says seriously. Sometimes, women don't even know what they want. They THINK thay want that, but they actually don't. Dig that?
For example, your girl always says she wants you to undertand'er, but I wonder what would happen if you really achieved that.
Observe her. Than you'll begin to understand many stuff.
About your relationship: It's normal that after one year and half things are a bit different.
And one question for you: She wants you to understand her, but...does she understand you?
Cheers.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (18 December 2010):
 Honeymoon period over, your relationship is on a new level. It takes years and years and years to understand our partners, we all have our own needs and our own personalities, life styles etc. So complicated. Your relationship needs to be worked at. You two will destroy each other. Is she trying to control you to start being and thinking like her. She will not get her wish because you will be yourself and that is who she must love, at the end of the day, Acceptance of who you are is the key. You are yourself, not someone she would prefer you to be. The jealousy between you is all part of it all, all about who controls who. Once Trust is established then jealousy will disappear. You both need to take time out of the situation, a change of scenery. Do you see each other too much, have you other things in your life, you need distractions, a different job, something to focus on other than each other. You are in a rut. You need outlets, there's more to life than been obsessed with one another. Go out there and find other interests, then come back together and talk about what you have learned.
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