A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have known this woman for 20 years. We are now both divorced. We've been dating basically just to get out of the house and we enjoy each others company. The first date we went out on, she stated she's not into sex out of no where. I thought gee I had no intention of bothering her for sex, nothing sexual was spoken at all. So I avoid the subject with her and respect her feelings. As we continue to date I feel she's trying to get closer, wanting a little more of a relationship. I'm not ok with this, I don't want to say we can't be in a relationship because we have different feelings about sex. But then I don't know if she said that to try and keep me off the topic and keep sex out of our friendship. I'm ok with not having sex with her as friends. But now I'm feeling she wants more of a relationship, even though I am attracted to her, I'm being reserved, not leading her on in any way. I still enjoy sex and don't want to turn this friendship into a relationship if there is going to be little if any sex in it. I don't know if that could change if we take this to the next level. I don't want to ask her, so babe are we going to get laid if we go into a relationship, that seems rather crude to say that to her. So I'm asking you out here if this is something that will not change with her or can passion take hold and we can have an active normal intimate relationship down the road. I don't want to be in a sexless relationship.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 August 2014):
 It wasn't " out of nowhere ", it was a prudent and useful, " just so you know it ", in case in time you were going down the road which you are actually on now : toward further closeness and the possibility, although still vague, to think of a relationship.
You did not say anything, so she might think that you are OK with having a sexless relationship.
I think you should be clear and honest as well , so nobody gets the wrong expectations. There's no need to say," so, if we date would you give me some ? "- but you can say that you really enjoy her friendship and companionship ( which is true ), and you would think / hope to make it into something more, if it wasn't for the fact that for you sex is still an important part of a relationship and you can't picture yourself in a sexless one. But, of course, you value and appreciate her friendship regardless.
I think eventually this is more respectful ( and mature ) that embarking into a relationship hoping that somehow you'll change her mind, when she has already told you how she feels about sex.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 August 2014):
 Be honest with her, right back. Tell her you really enjoy her company but you are NOT looking for a sexless relationship, so you rather be JUST friends with her.
I think it's fair enough that she no longer has an interest in sex and it's fair enough that YOU do. It just means you aren't that compatible.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 August 2014):
She just wanted to throw it out there, sort of like "btw, I have herpes." You didn't leave so maybe she feels like you're okay with it.
And even if she does have sex with you, it's not going to last. I'd just be honest,tell her you enjoy her friendship and are attracted to her but you still enjoy sex so you want to keep things platonic.
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