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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi there, I'm 19 and I have been with my girlfriend for almost 9 months, and we are very happy together. There is a few problems though. She is almost 15, I did not realize this at the time, as she said she was 18, and by looking at her she could pass as 18. But now I'm concerned that I could potentially get in to some serious trouble for dating someone whom is significantly younger than myself especially if her parents find out and don't like it, I have no idea if they know. I don't want anything to happen because I absolutely adore her. My parents think she's 18, and I think they'll flip if they find out she is 15. At times we've been kinda intimate with each other but nothing I would consider as wrong doing. No sex, noting like that as I don't ready for all that yet anyway. And as she's 15, so certainly not until she's at least 18.Another troubling concern is the lack of communication, cause we live a fair distance between each other it's kinda difficult to see each other regularly, but we have seen each other a lot. So we tend to phone, text and instant message. The problem with that is, she's stopped talking to me like she used to, and I don't know what is wrong. It's concerning me as she has been like this to me for about a month, I seriously love her, she's absolutly everything to me and I don't want my relationship with her to dwindle, become distant and fade. I don't know what is going on. What should or could I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): Thank you all for your replies and for the advice. Well, to be totally honest I have really got over the choke of her lie(s) to me. Yes, she has lied to me on numerous occasions, and I can get over them and forgive her for her actions. But what concerns me more is her actual age, I myself am totally comfortable with her age and I can live with that and I'm not worried about the names people call me, as all that doesn't really change the person who she is, and that I love. However having said this, I am worried that there could be problems up until she is 17 or 18, especially legally, and IF her parents were to deny their daughter and myself to be together.
I'm unsure as whether it is illegal in the United Kingdom to engage in such a relationship with someone whom is significantly younger than yourself i.e 19-14. In any case even if it is wrong, I don't wish to end our relationship, that at many points has be a very strong one indeed. Although now, it's seems as if it's a relationship that is crying for help. But to end it would have for me, a devastating consequence or both of us, as she's very important to me.
I can see what you are all saying that her lies show her immaturity, but, with time wont that get better?b If she's having second thoughts about our relationship I would prefer it if she was straight with me, even though as I said above, it would upset me tremendously, but I would prefer to know where I stand with her, which is something I do not.
I have on one occasion asked her personally 'face to face' as it were, for the reasons why she has lied, but I haven't yet plucked up the courage or had the opportunity to ask her if she still really loves me. Her reactions are probably what you might expect of someone put on the spot like that, she just goes quiet and smiles at me, and then cuddles me like nothing is wrong. So I don't ever get an answer.
She may have been disrespectful to me, but the thing is that I can and will forgive her. I'm beginning to wonder that it could be my fault for being too soft or caring on her, or maybe it was my fault for walking into a relationship with my eyes shut, and not looking to see what was happening.
Whatever the reason is, I still absolutely adore her and I couldn't bare to think of letting her go, even if it will do me more justice to.
She must be incredibly lucky to have someone like myself, and I must be terribly unlucky to fall into this situation. All I ask from her is to know what is going on and if she really still feels the same towards me. Could it be that she is not talking to me as much cause her parents have found out about me and are unhappy with the situation and are influencing her, is that a possibility?
Regards
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (28 December 2006):
 Well look at it this way. She lied at the beginning, then as time went on she found she was trapped in the lie. Have you never told a white lie for it to come back and bite ya on the ass? I suggest that if you love her and can accept this then you need to discuss how the pair of you are going to go about telling yours and her parents. If you are a mature nineteen (and you sound it) you will realise this is probably the best plan. If her parents can accept you then you are probably going to be ok.
The second issue concerning the communication. You need to ask her why she is behaving like she is. I would suggest that whilst you are mature she is immature for her age. She may have even decided against this relationship herself but doesn't know how to stop it. The heart can be a fickle thing in your teens! You need to ask her outright. Preferably face to face and not via text or on the phone, so you can read her reactions and body language.
I wish you luck and joy for 2007.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Malyce is correct and I totally concur with her. You have an very immature girlfriend there, who disrespected you and disrespected this relationship right off the beginning by being deceitful and lying to you. The problem is likely, she didn't realize the impact of what she did. Some teen girls do this and it's an indicator they are not 'ready' to date older boys. So instead of worrying about how you will lose out if you continue with her...just tell her it won't work. But please tell her, to do some work on her self-esteem and help her grow and mature by telling her to learn that 'honesty is always the best policy'.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): She is 15 and honestly believed it was okay to lie to get what she wants. It is not. Lying is lying and there is no degree as to how dire it is; no such thing as a small white lie...a lie is a lie and will tarnish your integrity.
To begin any relationship on a lie will bring heartache and unhappiness.
I say let her go.
She doesn't even know how to be a friend.
You dont' sound happy with what is going on so I say...move on.
She is far too young as her actions denote.
Best Wishes.
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