| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Iv known my girlfriend for well over 10 years now and we've just got together a few months ago. She's a great person and i really like her a lot but the sex for me is all give and no receive. She just doesn't seem interested. Even when I'm simply stroking her and going somewhere a bit more intimate such as her breasts she pushes me away. At first i didnt mind, i just thought she didnt feel like it, but after a while I started to ask questions. It turns out her previous boyfriend, whom she split up with about 6 or 7 months ago, used to treat her bad. For example, one night she was in bed and he came to her house (as he had his own key) and wanted sex. She was feeling a bit ill so refused, but he was adamant and pinned her arms down, and, as far as im concerned, raped her. She tells me this happened about four times. Shes got rid of him now and hes out of her life but the memories and stress are always there and she gets worse when it comes to sex. This is the reason she doesnt seem interested and pushes me away. Im willing to stand by her and give her time to get over it, but we need some help. Could you please advise us...thank you
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (28 December 2006):
 Hi dear,
perhaps an option might be to get her into counselling. just an additional person she can talk to and who might be able to help through it all.DOnt see this as a negative sign, counselling can be very good and might speed up her recovery.
Also, u have to be very patient with her. i can see u care about her dearly. It seems she has been through alot and sometimes a nice talking might be something she needs. she might not be too keen as fight but if she gets to trust you and with the right attitude u can get her to open up.
For now, be gentle and try not to rush to sex. a nice cuddle might be all she needs now.i can see u are doing just this already. u are handling this alot better than u realise.
Goodluck dear and happy new year!
A
male
reader, Dolomite +, writes (28 December 2006):
You are right - he raped her. What she needs to do is talk to someone who can help her deal with the rape; a counselor or therapist who has experience dealing with rape victims. Speaking up and talking about what happened is often very hard for victims, but generally is very helpful once the process has begun. Your local social services shoudl be able to direct you to resources that can help her.
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