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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: My husband had an affair and I threw him out. I was furious after reading texts and e-mails and packed his clothes and threw them out of the window, swearing at him. He has a good job and has moved into a flat in London. He calls occasionally to speak to our son and has been to see him but will not make any unnecessary conversation with me. When he even hears my voice his voice turns as cold as ice. We had had a lot of relationship problems and weren't getting on, he was out till 3pm every night but I really didn't realise things were that bad! We have been married for 14 years. Prior to me discovering the affair he had told me he 'wanted out' but I thought he was being silly and didn't mean it. Now I realise he does and I really want him back. He told me that it took until he said that he wanted out to make me take any notice of him and because of that he doesn't want to know. I have tried everything, teling him I'll change, try to be more sexy, get on with his friends etc but he says its over. Please can you advise me what to do, whether to leave alone etc. He is still seeing his girlfriend but he says that is nothing to do with our relationship. I am turning boiled bunnies here!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006):
Ooops! you forgot to say why you want him back- I think you really need to figure that out for yourself.
You were sending signals for years that you didnt want and value him and appearently he took you up on it.
Why didnt you want him? What makes you think you want him back now? Just because you dont want to lose?
I'd say you ought to take this time in your life to work on yourself. If you are ready to change, change for yourself and your own benefit. Whether you get him back or meet someone else eventually you'll be moving in the right direction.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): This is coming from a couple here in the US State of Michigan, we don't have much time but our take on this and the answer given by kellyO is that the guy obviously needed more than she was giving and told her so earlier on before he was cheating. Most wives that we see don't give there man enough of what he needs. That being sex. We all know men think about sex every 7 seconds and yet women don't want to put any effort in and help with mans needs. we know lots of men who don't get sex but maybe once or twice a year, yet women are shocked to learn there men are cheating on them. HHHHEEELLLLLLLLOOOO!!!!
the only thing else we have to ad is that we are swingers and for what we see in this lifestyle and one that is monogamous is the only relationships that work are ones where the man and woman talk and communicate openly about what they want and need and make some effort’s both ways to help each other in there needs of sex and any other aspect of life. That’s all FunMiCpl03 on yahoo and AFF.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (28 December 2006):
 Hi there,
Complements of the seasons.
Let me get this straight. He cheated on you then blames you for the entire affair, is currently involved with another and u still want him back. Why?
Dearie, why bear responsibility for something that isnt entirely your fault. if what he was seeking is attention and he really loved u he would have tried to get you to take notice through other ways. he will want both of you to work on things to save the marriage. He will fight for his marriage. If u want to take some responsibility that is fine but dont make him feel that he is completely innocence in his actions where he is the sore reason behind the failure of your marriage.
My advise really is to think of your children, move on. He will always be their father. If he truly wants the marriage back he should be the one fighting for you, you shouldnt be the one doing the repairing. Dont make him feel u are accepting responsiblity he should be accountable for his actions.Try to maintain a good relationship with him for the kids sake.try to get back ur life and move on to better things.
Goodluck.
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