A
male
age
30-35,
*ix_Floors_Left
writes:Hey. I just found out last night that my gf of 2 years broke up with me. We've been kind of off and on because we live just far enough away that we can't see each other that often. Another reason we don't see each other is because my parents hate her because i tried running away with her. But anyway friday was the day that we were supposed to hang out since 2 weeks ago. We talked constantly on the phone, video chats on skype, IMing on myspace, and txting. That is, until wednesday. My dad's remodeling his workshop so he's been making me help and the only times i was able to get to a phone or online my gf couldn't. So we didn't talk for 3 days. When i finally got time to sign on she wasn't online again... but she left a message. It said that thursday night she made out with three people and that me being far away has made it hard on her. She said that we simply couldn't be together anymore. Now, if there is any such thing as teens actually being in love then i would no doubt be in the small group of people who have expirienced it. It wasn't until last night right before i went to bed that i checked her myspace and it said that she was taken by a guy named alex. Now i've noticed for a couple days that alex has come up a lot in her myspace mood. I wasn't too concerned though because i knew how much she loved me, and she wasn't bsing me when she told me. I would know because ive been in a lot of relationships where they are. But now i've pretty much been dumped for this kid named alex. Now, it's a safe assumption that my gf was high when she made out with him and decided to break up with me. So I know that if that's the main reason then when she has time without me for maybe a week or so then she'll want me back. This has happened before which is why im trying to get her to stop smoking. But a part of me also worries that maybe she really does like this guy. But for now i am completely cut off from her because she won't reply to anything i send her. I just don't really know what to do until she comes back... or if she doesn't. This girl is my life... 9 months before our 2 years together began, we were dating. It ended because i tried running away with her and my prents grounded me for so many months. But over the course of 9 months i only dated two people during this time. Both of which i dumped in less than a week because i missed my ex too much. She has told me before that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and i wouldn't hesitate to say the same. That was just on teusday... 3 days without talking and she got high, made out with 3 guys, and is now dating one of them and ignoring my msgs. What should i do? Any advice is apriciated!~SFL
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male
reader, Six_Floors_Left +, writes (7 December 2009):
Six_Floors_Left is verified as being by the original poster of the question Accidentally sent the last message before I was finished-
Honestly I really like what you wrote but the real problem I have with it is that I don't have a choice but to say not all of it is true. First of all my career is in the auto repair field and i got a job at GMC already so I don't have to worry. I am definitely smarter then I need to be to get all A's in school, which is why I choose not to do all my work because I am simply not learning anything new from the material. And I am in every AP class they can put me in.
With that cleared up, it's time to move on with my point about my ex. First off I must have miss typed something because we have only been not dating since friday. We have broken up in the past because we weren't able to see each other, but as soon as we could be together again, we started dating. The only reason I can't let go of this girl other then the sheer amount of love that I have for her, is that it is extremely likely that we will be dating again withing a month or two tops, maybe even by the end of tonight if I talk to her.
Yes she has another man and she might say that she loves him and he's the most amazing person that she knows, but I am confident when I say that I know her better than anyone and I can tell when she's not telling the truth. I can't rule out the possibility that she's just using him as a way to hold herself back and give herself more of a reason to not want to take me back because every time it ends the same. We're in love but not being able to see each other is too much for either of us to take. I know because we've had that conversation many times before.
And my parents don't even have any more feeling about this situation because they know nothing of it. All they know is a year and a half ago I ran away with a girl after dating with her for two months. They don't even know that the reason was because they were keeping us apart. I would check with my parents at least 2 weeks before me and my gf planned to meet so I could be sure that nothing would go wrong, but they always denied it when I reminded them that they told me I could. So as far as they're concerned I've completely moved on and this girl has absolutely nothing to do with my life. I don't care about what they feel about me seeing her because they only didn't want to let me see her because they thought I would try it again. I don't feel now as though I can trust them to understand what's going on in my head and just let me be with her.
Anyway I think that your advice would be great if it pertained to my situation. But the few variables about my particular relationship can be used as evidence that our relationship may not be completely over.
Ill check back in the morning or tomorrow after school for a reply. By the way if you have a myspace or facebook that would be easier since I go on their every day and we don't have to wait hours to send one message back and forth about this. I'm just worried that this might drag out and you definitely are more helpful then the friends that I will have to turn to for advice. But if not like I said I will check back soon.
~SFL
A
male
reader, Six_Floors_Left +, writes (7 December 2009):
Six_Floors_Left is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHonestly I really like what you wrote but the real problem I have with it is that I don't have a choice but to say not all of it is true. First of all my career is in the auto repair field and i got a job at GMC already so I don't have to worry. I am definitely smarter then I need to be to get all A's in school, which is why I choose not to do all my work because I am simply not learning anything new from the material. And I am in every AP class they can put me in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): I am sure that you feel that you love her and that you did not run away with her for the drama.
You are kind of missing my point here. Everything you said was about you and how YOU feel about being with this girl. You don't even care how your parents feel about driving you to see her, or about how they think this girl is messing with your head perhaps. You aren't even thinking about how this girl feels, she has a new boyfriend, all you are doing is feeling your feelings and being consumed with them. Part of being an adult is realizing that you can control your feelings and not always act on them or let them consume you....such as not worrying about school, that it doesn't compare to how much you want this girl back.
This is what I am trying to point out to you. This is not healthy for you! You say you have your career mapped out for you so you don't have to worry about school. What a family business? Well, you are a little to young to realize that businesses get sold, they go broke and your family can still fire you if you aren't qualified or do a poor job. You need a good education...and math is kind of important for a lot of things. So don't you think it would benefit you to concentrate on your studies and get a good education so that you are a well rounded educated person who has Options in life?
You have to accept that this relationship has run it's course that it is over, she has moved on and it has been months and you are still pining away terribly for her. I understand, break ups are one of the worst things to have to go through, and this one probably won't be your last. As long as you hang onto this girl you are going to continue the pain for yourself, so what are you getting out of that? You write about only how you feel, well don't you ask yourself how you feel about getting nothing out of this carrying a torch for a former girlfriend who at 15 has no real idea of who she is or what she wants out of life or a man? She is not ready to settle down forever with you, so neither are you ready. Why not get out and date some other girls? You may really find that you enjoy getting to know other types of girls. You probably don't want to do that but you may just have to force yourself so that you can move on with your life.
I know it is hard to do, I went through a break up myself about 10 months ago and I was doing great until he started calling me again and pushing to see me, but you know what when I did give in to that, I ended up getting disappointed because he found a new girlfriend about a week later, turns out she was there for awhile, he just failed to tell me and he was hiding her from me and vice versa and I guess he thought he was going to get caught, not ready to break up with her yet, but he just wanted to see if he could get me to like him again, and again I ask you what did I get out of that? Aggravation.
She isn't coming back to you, it is time to let her go and concentrate on something else like your own goals. If you need something more to occupy your mind, then get active in something new a new sport or hobby, something you always wanted to do but haven't done yet. Sometimes taking a big risk helps you move past the past.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Six_Floors_Left +, writes (6 December 2009):
Six_Floors_Left is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere's one reply below for each person who posted.I don't like what the first anonymous person wrote because you really don't know how my mind works at all. I know what I want for the rest of my life and it is to be with this girl, no matter how impossible and improbable it sounds.Rhythmandblues2- I like what you wrote for the most part but really thinking about it you did get a few things wrong. I know that part of me is addicted to drama but it's really the worst thing in the world when it costs me my relationship with this girl. And I have already tried not talking to her, for 9 months. I still thought about how much I missed her at least 4 days a week minimum. And the dreams about her were relentless. I didn't run away with her for drama. I ran away with her because my parents had promised me on more than one occasion that they would take me to see her/let her come over, but when the day came, they said no for completely unjust reasons. And I am not just saying that. One time my mother told me she couldn't come over because she had to go out and I had to watch my sister but she never left and I asked her about it and she had no idea what I was talking about. So the next time she changed her mind, I told her to come over anyway and I snuck out and we ran away. They caught up to us at around 1am and it was fucking hell. 3 months of staying barely even leaving my room. Not because I wasn't allowed to, but because I didn't even want to see their faces. If I really wanted drama then I would tell my parents right now what happened because they don't think i've so much as talked to her since that night. I truly do love this girl with every atom in my body. I would walk all the way to her house right now (about 5 miles because I am at my mothers) just to see her if it wasn't for the fact that she already has a boyfriend. I've already got my career set for me so I don't have to worry about school that much. I'm only failing French and math just barely but I'll be passing math by the end of the week. I only missed the midterm. But my worries about school are absolutely nothing next to how much I want her back.Rachelr- I plan to let her stay with the guy she's with now but the problem is that I really want her to come running back. And I can almost garentee that when she does it's going to be because she realizes that she loves me more than she "loves" him.2nd anonymous reader- You may have been the only poster to give me an actual answer on what I should do right now, and I thank you for that. The only thing I am worried about is that the only thing that seems to keep us together is my talking to her. I almost always know the right thing to say to get her back which is why I am worried that maybe not saying anything at all may ruin the only chance with her that I have left.Thanks for your help everyone. I'm still a little up in the air but getting it off my chest might help me sleep tonight.~SFL
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): dude go NC (no contact), for atleast 1 month. dont call her, dont reply to her msg's dont answer her calls etc. DCONT DO ANYTHING. wait and see if she comes back after 1 month. If she does not, then move on. GOODLUCK
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A
female
reader, rachelr  +, writes (5 December 2009):
you should stay away,if she wants to be with sum1else let her be with sum1else. because when shes had enough of him she will come running back to you, i know u love her but she aint worth it,so if she comes running back 2 you wen things go wrong u should tell her where 2 go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): I am sorry you are feeling sad, and you sound desperate.
You aren't going to like what I have to say do first I want to give you a compliment.
You are articulate and can express your feelings and thinking quite well for a boy your age, so my guess is you are smart and you have a lot going for you. My other guess is because you are smart, you are pretty bored with school, am I even close here?
You are not in love with this girl, not really, you are dependent on her and you like the drama of her getting high and wanting to run away with you, telling you she wants to be with you for ever, and then dramatically telling you that you can't be together, putting up a relationship with a new guy on mySpace to hurt you, making out with three other guys and letting you know about it...it is all so dramatic and exciting and you want what you cannot have.
Your parents probably made a mistake grounding you and forbidding you away from this girl. They probably would have been better off letting you run away with her so you would both learn how you are not old enough to be on your own and just how hard life is without the roof over your head that your parents provide....man, you are very close to making the biggest mistake of your young life and ruining any chances you have of a happy future.
Two years is too long to be with a girl at your age. You aren't developing or growing as a person at all, you are stifling your potential and instead wasting your pent up energy and boredom "being in love". How droll!
I am with your parents on this one. Stay away from this girl, she is toxic to you. You need to force yourself to grow up a little bit and stop all this damn drama in your life. She has moved away, let her go and get your mind on something else. Stop following her mySpace, stop emailing, stop texting her, stop calling her, IM every form of communication and I can guarantee you that your feelings of love will go away in a matter of weeks. Stop dating other girls at all, and put your focus entirely on you.
Figure out what you want to do with your life beyond high school. What are your other interests besides girls? What could you do to get into some honor classes at school where you feel challenged? Are your grades at school sub-par, do your parents encourage you to do better at school? Are you a high performer? Or are you lazy and wanting to run off with a girl and avoid your responsibilities to getting your own best education?
What you do now in your long life is going to affect what kind of college you can get into, it is going to affect where you end up as an adult. If you don't get your head on straight and buckle down and achieve some goals, it is shortly going to be too late for you. The child becomes the man, don't ever forget that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): Anyone who is 13-15 years old has no concept of "the rest of their lives" you cannot expect anyone, not you, not this girl, not anyone to have a clue about what they want in life at this age. News flash, you're both very,very, very young. You have your whole life ahead of you and there will be plenty of other people you will both get involved with over the next 5-10 years before you have any idea who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Just know that at this point you're both going to grow and outgrow people you think you love and other loves will come and go before you'll be mature enough to make a life commitment to anyone. It's harsh but true. You will recover no matter how much it hurts.
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