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age
30-35,
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writes: Hey,So I like this guy in my class. He's just a friend, but suddenly I've developed feelings for him. I really like him, but i don't know why I like him This much... is it because he's playing hard to get (unintentionally) or I genuinely really like him ?He's really funny and extremely intelligent, but i think there is something more to him which makes me like him...Alot.I mean, I often get the feeling that he's The one, he's just what i dreamed of and I've just pictured us getting married (very embarrassing, please bear with me) and living happily. But I know its too far fetched and I'm just acting like a fool. Problem: He's totally preoccupied with studying. And i don't know how i should tell him that i like him.At times i feel he likes me too, but other times i just feel there is nothing between us. I'm extremely shy and according to me, chances are if i tell him, he'll be all awkward about it and it'll be so embarrassing for me. He's got me crying everyday. Every time i see him, i feel like crying because i feel nothing is going to happen. And because he's in my class and i get to see him Every single day, its hard even trying to get over him. Its got me feeling so depressed these days...like I'm constantly crying and just hoping that someday something will happen. I really don't know what to do. I'm feeling Horrible :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): Hi!
I want to speak generally here for a sec; guys that show signs of shyness you have to WATCH. Like rhythmnblues said, the key is that you don't know him- what's going on in his head; why he sometimes acts like there's nothing between you two (if there is??) shy guys are hard to fathom because you just can't tell if they're interested in the way you want and of course the ultimate crinch is that they need so much encouragement to admit it. And of course he might not be so shy just conceited, non-committal we all learn that nobody's perfect.
He seems nice and if you think you saw something there don't give up. Also this is all so so normal, how many girls women get emotional frustrated because they can't have what seems the perfect man- likeable, intelligent hard working your crush is completely justified. It's just your emotions but it will pass. And it will always happen we all go through it- some worse than others, such as myself.
So make sure to put yourself out there; be yourself and don't show off, read the first answer but don't ask him out yet you have to persevere and remember if it's worth it hang in there don't lose it. Take care XX
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): Hey! I want to ask you this! Would you rather try to pursue a guy or be pursued by a guy? He may like you but is not interested right now. I would maybe drop a little hint to show him that you kinda have feelings (just to show him you care) and WAIT. If he likes you, he will pursue you...if he doesn't, then he is just not interested right now!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): Wow rhythmandblues2 you hit the nail on the head. I am actually someone in my late twenties who had similiar feelings and a similiar range of emotions for my older boss. For months I could not quite understand why I was so drawn to him. I never felt like this for anyone and it was embarrassing because I knew it was not at all practical. I never flirted with him because he was my boss and because I realized I really did not know him even though I felt like I did. I also came to the conclusion that it really was not about him at all but something I was going through. It actually took months of theropy (other issues as well) to fully understand this sort of obsession I had developed for him. The best thing to do is to get to know yourself better and as much as you may not want to concentrate on other guys try to go out and force yourself to socialize with other guys more. Thats what I did to break this obsession. I am still struggling with it but not like I was. Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): I am not trying to make fun of you or make you feel the fool, but I do want to explain some things to you about your feelings and why I think this is happening, I am after all a female, I am 53 now, but I was young once and I know why you are feeling this way.
I know you have feelings for this guy and I am sure to you they are real. But what is going on here is that you have a strong physical attraction for him, and you have seen enough of his personality that you see some traits in him that you like quite a bit.
But the reality is that you do not really know him at all, not even a little bit. You are building him up in your mind, you are fantasizing about him and even fantasizing about a future with him and because of all the emotions that are swimming around inside you, let's call that a soup, you are projecting what you want him to be onto him and calling that the truth.
You have a lot of hormones that are raging at your age, your body is telling you it needs to bond and reproduce and mate and this is an overwhelming biological urge you have, and you want to meet a handsome man and have babies...that is what your hormones are telling your emotions and mind to do.
But there is a danger in thinking that our feelings are facts, that they are reality, and they simply are not. You cannot make a leap to judgement that this boy is the ONE for you, you cannot allow yourself to feel down or rejected because he isn't magically drawn to you and reciprocating your feelings because he doesn't, it isn't
real at all, it is all in your mind!
This is very typical of a young woman your age, so I am not judging you or even calling you a fool or crazy, what I am telling you though is to get a hold of yourself!
Put your mind on something else when you start to cry over this kid you don't really know. There is no sense in it at all. I wouldn't even suggest you go up to him and try to tell him how you feel, because he will think you are nuts!
If you want to get to know him, then just talk to him some more and get to know the real him. Let's a friendship develop. He could very well be serious and focused on his studies instead of girls and that is a very good thing about him. If you get to know him a little better you may find you don't like him at all, or you may find a friendship developing and friendship is always a great foundation for romance. Who knows he may realize some of the same feelings you are having for him and will ask you out, but until then you need to control your emotions and realize that you are putting this boy up on a pedestal and no one belongs up there.
You put your focus on you, meet some other guys and date and have fun. He isn't the only one out there that is for you....and until you realize you are causing your own distress, he isn't likely to be so attracted to such a needy girl either. You are not going to die if he never asks you out, you don't need him or any other guy to be happy, if you continue to cry a lot over nothing, you may even be a little depressed about something else.
Do a little thinking on what that something else might be that is making you sad and work on that issue, take some steps to be happier with your life...and you will be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thanks for helping me out. yeah i think i really need to be confident. and my hobbies arnt scrapbooking and collecting butterflies lol ! i guess he doesn't know too much about me, because i don't talk a lot ? I should probably try doing that. And yes if he doesn't like me, I'm really not the types to throw myself at him, it will be hard to get over him, but i wouldn't let him know.
Thank you :)
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (5 December 2009):
 Confidence is very sexy. Stop obsessing and ask him if he wants to go for coffee after class. If he accepts, ask him intelligent questions, find out what his hobbies are, has he lived other places, talk about exotic places you've always wanted to see (Greece, Morroco, Germany stay away from dreamy places like Paris and Venice, it's so typical of women to want to see those places, so pick something unpredictable) Try to talk about the things you're interested in too -- share what your hobbies are (provided it's not scrapbooking or collecting butterflies) Don't be afraid to let him know if you are an avid hiker, like mountain biking, or snow skiing. Guys who are focused on their studies don't want to hang out with some air-headed chick that have no life goals other than going to the mall and listening to Britney Spears music. The best way to win this guy is to be confident, show him you are intelligent and not just a bowl of squishy romantic jelly. And whatever you do, do not tell him how you feel or gush on about silly girl-things. Now if he does not accept your invitation, back off you may simply not be his type and he's already sized you up and figured it out. Accept it gracefully and consider it your rite of passage. There will be plenty of men you fall for that break your heart. Each experience teaches you something valuable. Use it and move on.
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