A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing this girl for a while and last night we finally talked for the first time since we broke up. She said she always knew in the back of her mind that i wasn't a relationship person and we weren't going to be anything more than what it was because she knew i was emotionally unavailable.What does this mean? And what exactly does she mean by she knew i wasn't a relationship person and that she knew i was emotionally unavailable??....I know i should have asked her, but i was just thrown off and didn't know what to say to that!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): She might mean that she thinks that you dont want or can't have a committed relationship but you won't realky know unless you ask her then at least you can find out what she means and move on.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): I take the term 'emotionally unavailable' to refer to someone who is not ready/capable of dealing with the emotional side of a relationship. My ex was like that. He was more than happy to take the sex and fun date nights, but when it came to anything important he didn't want to know. I eventually got sick of him refusing to talk about anything remotely serious (my worries about upcoming redundancies at my company for example) and prioritising himself and his needs above anything else, regardless of plans or promises made to me. I obviously don't know what your relationship with your ex was like, but that is my feeling on it which I hope helps you.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 I wouldn't worry about it at all. She probably means, she couldn't have everything her own way and is looking for a Mr Wimp to go out with instead. Someone who will tell her his inner most feelings and treat her like a Mum rather than a girlfriend.
Someone she can wrap around her little finger.
Have a look on AskMen.com about this "emotionally unavailable" comment. It'll open your eyes. She, like a lot of women, think that intimacy is about telling her everything and anything about you and your past and crying in front of her.
It's basically woman speak for "I can't control you and get whatever I want".
At the end of the day, she's an EX and the relationship is OVER.
Check out AskMen.com
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 February 2013):
 if you left it civil with her there is no crime in going back to her and saying 'hey I heard what you were saying and it kind of threw me for a loop there... but after thinking about it I was wondering if you could elaborate on it for me so I can learn from my mistakes"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): I agree, there's not much info to go on.
Perhaps rather than admit she's feeling let down and disappointed that things didn't work out, she's taking the rational view and thinking it obviously wasn't meant to be.
I wouldn't take the comment too personal. Yes deep down she may blame you for the break-up, but it could be worse. She could have started a full blown conflict over the break-up, and blamed you for leading her on by pretending you plan to be long term with her, when you knew you had no intentions of a serious relationship (if that's how she feels about things).
As it stands from what you've said, I'd say to save on the arguments, she was blaming herself for being naïve and expecting too much from a person who (in her knowledge) wasn't ready for a commitment.
Just one theory.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 There is very little detail here. She's wrong to break up with you and make assumptions. It's almost like she rejects you first before you reject her. You know what? I have no idea. In general an emotionally unavailable person is a someone (usually a guy) who would not invest emotions into a relationship for fear that would turn him into a pussy, or being smothered and losing control and freedom. He is into chasing and would leave after the relationship gets boring. I don't know how you gave her the impression that. Every relationship has its learning curve. It could be a misunderstanding because of differences of the female and male brain.
Actually I can give you a list so you can eliminate: You are seeing this girl but you did not claim the relationship to be official in facebook and in real life. You did not read her mind when she wants something. You did not spend enough time with her. You don't express your feelings. You didn't tell her how important/special she was. You didn't spend enough money on dining/gifts/movies. You didn't take photos together or travel to faraway places together. You didn't introduce her to your friends and parents. She's afraid that she won't get anything special on Valentine's day since you didn't mention anything. You didn't include each other in Christmas time. You are still on a dating site. You watch porn and lied to her. You play video games too much. You just didn't see how upset she was and asked her why and expect her to just tell you. You didn't call her enough, it's always her checking up on you.
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