A
male
age
41-50,
*dizzlefosizzle
writes:Alright so I've been with my girlfriend for a year now. We live together and love each other. I have a 11 month old son and she doesn't have any kids. The problem is that I get him twice a week. Once during the week and once during the weekend. The one day during the weekend that I don't have him, her and I go out or spend time together. The day I do have him, she usually stays home with me. I have been a bit controlling due to the fact that I don't wanna sit. At home alone after my son goes to sleep becuz none of my friends would come over becuz they are all out doing their thing. I really apreciate her helping me out with this, but lately she says I'm controlling her and she wants to go out. She lies to me about places she goes becuz she says she doesn't wanna upset me from time to time. The other day, I found a message from a guy she had sex with from her past asking her to hang out. She replied with "yea boyyy name the date and time." I was crushed and confronted her and she says she did it becuz she felt trapped with me being controlling but never intended on hanging with him, nor did she hang with him. I'm really confused. I would never associate with ex's or past fling no matter what my situation is. I can understand going out with friends and hiding it, but that really hurt me badly. She also used to do drugs and stopped when dating me becuz I am totally not ok with that. She admitted that she started doing some pills not too long ago and blamed me for that too. I just don't wanna be blamed for her poor decisions too. I find it unfair. Can anyone please give me an overall opinion on my situation? Please? Thanks so much.
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crush, drugs, her past, she lies, trapped Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): i htink you should have a massive conversation about this and get it all out in the open and see whether it's worth staying together or not
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): You are not to blame for her taking drugs, she alone is to blame for that.
Why do you have to stay home with your son? Couldn't the three of you go out somewhere during the day? Surely if she is with you she should get on with your son too?
Maybe she isn't ready for having a child around and would rather be with someone who hadn't a child. If this is the case, better you find out now than later on when it would hurt more. I think you should have a talk about the whole thing.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 She isn't ready for responsibility yet, however, you have a son so you have to be responsible! Let her go, don't see her again, she sounds like bad news. Don't bring your son up with her around! X
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A
female
reader, bellaaddison +, writes (24 April 2009):
Well, I think she's being as honest with you as she can be reagrding how she feels... However, she's not being honest with herself if she wants to continually use you as an excuse for her "behavior"... be it intimate conversation with an ex, hanging out with friends in places she shouldn't be or doing drugs. ALL of those decisions are hers to make and NO situation or ONE person can MAKE you do anything. Maybe, if you love her enough, let her go. Give her the space and "freedom" she claims she needs. When you are no longer there for her to push the blame and responsibility for her actions on she will either learn to accept it as her own, or she will find someone else to blame... either way, the outcome only proves to benefit you AND your child. I wish you luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 April 2009):
Well if you are being controlling then she should have stood up to you and told you to back of and grow up or lose her.
She shouldn't go off and rebel against you like a naughty teenager.
She obviously feels very trapped and this is her way of acting out because she can't talk to you about it. It could be that she's a bit too immature to talk to you, or it could be that she knows it's pointless because you'll manipulate it and turn it against her.
I had an ex like that. I could never talk to him about anything without it being my fault in the end.
If she is not happy then she should have left you.
Talk about it and really LISTEN to how you make her feel. If you love her then try again and stop being controlling. Why would you do that anyway?
If you can't change or you can't forgive her then let her move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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