A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, here's my problem.I've known this girl for years now and I developed a crush on her. By that time I tried to make a move (2-3 years ago) she had a boyfriend and to be honest, I was in a long-term relationship myself. Once, we went to a bar and there was a kiss in the heat of the moment but she said we were both in committed realtionships (though they were about to end) so we shouldn't be doing this and I had to admit that she was right, so that was all. Still, she was always on my mind at that time.After we both became single, months later, I tried to make another move but she was depressed because of her breakup, so that was it again. We had a drink, held hands for a while, I told her half-jokingly that I can only imagine being with her and she said let's just be friends, life is difficult enough for her right now.From then on, there was nothing between us, months later she kissed me on the lips once when I took her home by car. But I said okay, I won't put more effort in this, so I got interested in other girls, went partying had one-night stands and later got into a one and a half year relationship with an other girl, where I was madly in love, but the whole thing turned out to be destructive, so I dumped her in January.And that was when my old crush appeared again: she was single at that time, we started going to the same class in college, got closer and closer and we ended up as a couple.My problem is the following: I know I should be really happy now to finally be with the girl I wanted to be with for long, but the fact that she rejected me years ago and than had sex and tried to be in relationships with other guys bothers me. I did the same though and she knows the girls I screwed but she has no problems with it, saying we were not together then.I know I can't change the past and everything is fine now and we are having a great time, she's nice with me and everything but still - were these men better than me? Was I only plan B? She says those were different times and the thing that really counts is that we're together now. And that se had to mature, because talking about relationships and sex, she was pretty inexpereinced back then. Which is again true, so was I. Still, I have this feeling in my heart and stomach I can't really get rid of... when I imagine her with all these guys. I know it was none of my business, but my pride is hurt. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers, they were really helpful.I don't want to wallow in the past, really, it may just be the details about her past sex life ("he was so lazy he always wanted me to finish it off with my mouth" etc.) that I did not want to hear but we talk about everything so openly she might have thought it is just another funny story she yould share with me, but really, it didn't help much.But again, thanks for all the advice!
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Hi, I understand where you are coming from with your question but you really do need to remember one thing, this was before you guys were in a committed relationship. As you have admitted, you yourself have had sex with other women and even went as far as having a relationship for over a year. You are with the girl you have wanted to be with all along right now...is it that thrill of her being unavailable is gone? Or is that she seems tainted a bit to you? Because if that is the case, then you were not really interested in her but the idea of what you perceived her to be...which would have been some untouched princess in a glass case. Why are you even thinking about her with these guys? You have the opportunity of a lifetime here to be with the person you have always wanted to be with...she understands that you are with her now and whoever you were with before is in the past..only a ghost wallows in the past my darling.I suggest you speak to someone professionally about how you feel. Talking to her will not help ...she is going to end up feeling ashamed or dirty or a disappointment in your eyes and that will push her away. She is also not thinking about your escapades before her...so she will feel like you are judging her. I know this is going to sound a bit harsh...and I am sorry...but I do believe in blunt honesty...you need to grow up a bit...we all have pasts..no one comes to you out of a plastic wrapper. If you want to be with her....then enjoy being with her without thinking about other men who she has been with.Best Wishes
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A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I dont think your plan B. I think the timing was right now and not before. Dont stress and enjoy it, i wish you the best with her. :)
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