A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just found out tonight that my girlfriend cheated on me a month ago. I'm 21 and we've been going out for almost 2 years. We were living together for 9 months until February when she moved abroad to do her dream job. We were still really close and she was going to come back at the end of the summer. I found it hard when she first went away and we argued but we patched it up when she came back after a month or so I thought because she cheated on me with a bloke from her work 2 weeks later. She didn't tell me about this and I came over to see her for my birthday. We had an amazing time and I planned to propose to her on our second anniversary in June. I found out she had cheated by looking on her email as I know her password. She had emailed her best friend here saying how bad she felt for cheating on me and that she still loved me. I know I shouldn't have looked at her email account but curiosity got the better of me. I really didn't suspect her doing anything though. I guess you could call it curiosity killed the cat but I'm glad I know now.I phoned her up just after I found out tonight and told her to tell me the truth and gave her loads of time to be honest with me. She just kept denying it which was awful so eventually I told her how I knew. It didn't help that she was out drinking when I phoned her. She said she still loved me and just seemed bewildered and annoyed that I'd looked at her email. I really didn't want to end our relationship over the phone while she was drunk. I told her to ring and speak to me when she is sober. I really don't know what to do now. I know I should just walk out and never see her again but I know she still loves me and I do still love her. It seems a waste to throw it all away especially over a one night stand. She did tell me why she did it and I can half understand. We had been arguing the first month she was away and she was upset that I wasn't supporting her. She got close to a bloke at work and eventually they slept together when they ended up very drunk and alone together at someone's house after a night out. She hasn't talked to him since. She said this wouldn't have happened if she hadn't moved away and it was because she can't cope without regular sex. She also said it didn't mean anything. This seems like just a get out on her part. I don't want to chuck this relationship away but I don't want to stay with her away if she could do this again. Can anyone suggest a course of action for me to take? I don't want to make a knee jerk reaction and regret it later.
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male
reader, rk06  +, writes (18 April 2007):
 You are better off. Let her go cheat on someone else. You dont need that.
God Bless, and there is someone out there that will actually love you... love doesnt cheat
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have talked and she decided that she wanted to split up. She says she wants to stay abroad until next year and its not worth us staying together. I can understand this though its very difficult for me. Its obvious the cheating was just a symptom of the problems with the relationship. I'm gutted but I guess this is for the best.
Thanks for all your comments.
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A
male
reader, rk06 +, writes (13 April 2007):
You are a kind man. I envy you because of it... however in this case you are being weak. Take it from me, buddy. You deserve better. I've been there, been cheated on... it was hard, but I knew I had to move on... and now I am with someone who treats me like gold, and I am SO happy.
You deserve better by the way you come across. Think of it this way... she cheated on you, she will most likely do it again... and do you really want to worry your whole life on whether or not shes going to cheat on you again?
About the email thing... I understand why you looked through it, it wouldnt have happened if you were not meant to be that way.
Move on. There is a woman out there who will treat you like you should be.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (13 April 2007):
 The key statement here is "she couldnt cope without regular sex". Is that all you mean to her? A bone on a stick?
You need to question HER motives for staying in this relationship. It is clear that your motives are just, but you dont deserve that kind of treatment; no-one does.
Yes, you might of been wrong looking in her e-mails, but she was lying to you all that time. That in my book is far worse.
She says she still loves you, but what does that really mean to her? Her commitment to you needs to be clear, and more than what she has shown in the past. She needs to let you know exactly how she sees your relationship and you need to know she means it.
Be careful you dont let your love for her cloud the issue. You need someone you can trust 100%, and she now needs to prove that to you.
Goodluck...
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