A
male
age
30-35,
*ugby steve
writes:Hey everyoneMe and girlfriend broke up after about a year of dating and i am still madly in love with her and I would give the world for and I would fight to my dying breathe to keep her safe and i feel completely heart broken to the point where I had to cried myself asleep to sleep last night and I am just ridiculously sad. But the reason why we did break up was because she spends an outrageous time with her ex boyfriend and she would spend just about everyday either at his house or in his pool or hot tub, and she would lie to me and say she is buisy so she could cancel dates to hangout with him. I looked through her phone, which I feel like a dick breaking her privatecy, but she called him about 2 or 3 times a week and be on the phone for hours at a time and they had very flirty texts and she would say I love you to each other, which I don't know it might just be me but I think those words should be only said between a couple. But after begging and pleading for her to cool it with him and she knew how sad these things made me she refused and told me to shut up. We would continuously fight about these things and it pretty much made her want to break up, so after we had talked about breaking up for some hours we did decide to break up and before she hung up she said she still loves me. But this happened yesterday and a bit ago I asked if she thinks there is anyway she can forgive me and I could never bring up this guy again because I just miss her so bad, and she said she doesn't know and she wants to see how she feels about being single and she wants to see if she is happy, but she is also at the beach with her best friends so she might be a bit extra cheery. So I just need help on like....should I just give up and except the fact that we wont get back together or if you think she might want to get back together so what should I do or say, but really....all I want is for her to be happy...because I care for her so much and she is a very sweet girl so what can I do so that I make sure she is doing the decision that will keep her happy.Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LovePanda +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Everyone who posted their answers is right: this girl is completely selfish, and she doesn't deserve a great guy like you. It's absolutly NOT okay to cancel dates, send flirty texts, and it's DEFINITELY not okay to say I love you to another man, unless they're best friends and they mean it in a friendly way, not a romantic way. (Which it's pretty obvious she means it romantically) You need to leave her be. She's not worth your time. But don't move on right away. Give yourself time to feel better and more confident about yourself. Don't rush things! Hope this helps :-] Good luck!
A
female
reader, SewSew  +, writes (26 July 2010):
Yes I agree she's very selfish and I think you have to move on
Just like her I mean if she loves her ex the what ever
You seem like a sweet guy and she doesn't deserve you at al !
I mean who'd Go to the beach after a day from a break up..
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A
male
reader, lowercaseq +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Let it be man . I feel really bad for you because I know how hard this can be . ive been in similar situations . the best best best solution to this is keep your self extremely busy . and when you cant find something to keep busy. spend that time sleeping . dont let your thoughts attack your mind . because I know they are. keep your head up . brighter days are ahead. ! I promise
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A
female
reader, Angelripper  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 She is being extremely selfish. She is clearly manipulating your feelings for her and has you totally wrapped around her finger. She is making you suffer and from the looks of it, she couldn't give two s h i t s about it.She is definitely still into her ex ... or perhaps she is just using you and her ex to garner attention from both of you to make herself feel better ... I couldn't say exactly, because I don't know her personally, but either way, you shouldn't have to deal with it.It's totally fine to be friends with your ex and still care for them dearly, but there's no way you could just hang out with your exs without your current boyfriend/girlfriend being there (if you're seeing anybody), that's just screaming trouble and is a total sign of disrespect to the person you're seeing (unless they give their consent, which ... is highly unlikely).Drop her. You will definitely find someone else who will treat you with more respect and compassion, and dedicate their time to you, which is something everyone deserves. It will definitely hurt initially, but it's only been a day, so of course you're going to be immersed with a feeling of emptiness for a little while. It's hard having something/someone ripped from your life that you're so used to being a constant, but you will get over it. You got along just fine before without her, and you will get along just the same in due time. Just remember: YOU'RE PROBABLY BETTER OFF WITHOUT HER.-The Resident Metalhead
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Hey man, I'm going to put in my own opinion from what I read, and it may come as a harsh reality to you.
I think she is completely selfish, and perhaps not the girl you thought she was. It is fine for men and women to be friends while in other committed relationships. However, breaking dates to hang with another guy and telling the guy she loves him does not qualify as being okay.
I think her statement of "I just want to be single and see if I'm happy" is her way of saying she's already moved on. It's hard to tell if she's even been interested in you at all recently, even before the breakup. She more than likely wants to see her ex again, and is not worrying about your emotional state at all.
My advice: Leave her. Find someone who will want to devote time to you. Find someone who really cares for you down to their core.
In Him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): You made the right decision, you just need to stick to it. Trust me, she's not committed to you. Maybe she's seeing him or having a relationship, maybe she's not. Regardless, she's not respecting you, and respect is 9/10 of a relationship. Stay away and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): You may care for her a lot, but she cares for her ex more than she cares for you. You told her how her conversations and spending time with her ex made you feel, and she told you to shut up. She isn't going to stop the contact with her ex, even if you beg her to come back.Don't get back together with this girl. She has no concern for you or your feelings, which is probably not what you want in a relationship. Don't answer her texts or calls, and do not agree to meet up with her. She's not worth the time or effort to fight for, even though right now I know it seems like she is.
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