A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 22 and this is my first relationshipand it has gone for about 1.3 years. The first 6months were great, she was nice to me, a lot of love, lots of sex just perfect but from that on we have sex 1time a month and it seems that is just doing that to do me a favor, some times she has a really harsh atitude towards me on little things, and if we ever get in fights it always seems to be my fault. And if I get upset about something she doesn’t take it into consideration, and it still my fault. If it was the other way around I have to be the one to fix everything. I feel like I am involved in a one sided relationship, now I am not sure that I love her and I am unsure that she is the one.The problem is that she thinks I am the one for her and that we are going to get married, and again I am not so sure. Lately my feelings have been fading for her. Another complication is that an old friend that i really loved is in my life again and I feel that she is the one for me, I had an honest conversation with this girl, saying that I've always liked her and she sayed it too. I think I'm a good person and i care SO much for my GF. Please help me i am lost, my nature and conscience wont let me inflict that pain on someone, what should I do? Should I wait it out a little longer? Should I talk to her about how I am feeling?Please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've talked to my GF, about the whats going on, she doesn't even thinks she's a harsh person, she say's its all in my head, bahh, I know it isn't but i think it's best to let her think that so inevitable brake up won't be so hard, dont you think? I'm going to see her today and clear things out, i'll tell you how it goes, thanks for all your replys, I'm still very confused if I'm the problem or not :( thank you...
A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 We call the 1st year of a relationship the "honeymoon period". This is when everythingis exciting, your heart flutters everytime you hear your partners name and you can't imagine being without this person for even a second. You have sex everyday, and public affection is no issue. *sigh*. Ttthhheeeennn, something happens. A comfert zone has been established. The flutter goes away because now you are immune to that feeling, and it's back to reality. This dosnt mean you no longer love this person, you are just used to them. Probably so much that you get a little annoyed with the little things they do, leaving dirty socks on the floor, chewing their food loudly, leaving hair on the soap bar, etc. The key here, is to keep that fluttery heart feeling going for as long as possible. My partner and I do stupid little things for eachother constantly, just to keep that in love feeling alive. Leave little love notes out for eachother to read, bring home a favorite food or dessert for the other to enjoy, draw up a romantic bath with candles, etc. It's important to spend time on eachother because the comfert zone will cause us to be lazy, therefore neglecting our relationships. We don't get more sex from expressing our obsession with it, we get it from keeping the excitement alive. Study your lady, find out what her favorite things are, use it to show her how much you love her. Try new exciting things. Rent a fancy hotel room for an evening, and have chocolate covered strawberries ready for her there. Be creative! The obvious sign that she is not "the one" for you is if you do your absolute best, and put in your all, and she continues to keep it imbalanced. Communication is important too, as the other aunts and uncles have told you. Make sure that when you express to her your feelings, that it isnt in the heat of an argument. Do it out of concern, not anger. She will be less likely to turn it into an argument. When it comes to disagreements most people wait their turn to talk rather than listen. Good luck hon, remember to be creative. If you feel like she isnt "the one" already, perhaps you are right;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): It seems like the only reason you're staying in this relationship is out of guilt. I would break it off, give her time to meet someone else. Breaking it off may also wake her up to some of her destructive behavior.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 If you are only having sex once a month a year and a half into the relationship, that's not cool. Even old married couples in the twenties have sex 3 times a week. If she's not into having sex with you, is she not getting anything out of it? I probably wouldn't want sex if I wasn't having orgasms every single time. And frankly, that would make me give it up and become miserable and snappy.
I'd probably also be miserable and snappy if I knew that my supposed boyfriend went and had a heart-to-heart with a person that he was once in love with and professed his feelings to her, wouldn't you?
You know, I get that you are young, but this relationship is really all about you and you don't seem to care very much about her. Perhaps you only get out of a relationship what you put into it, and it would seem that your not putting much into this one. It would be fairer to let her go if you are talking to other girls behind her back. Don't count on any future relationships being perfect until you are a bit less self-involved. You have to be a giving and loving partner within a relationship, truly caring about the other one's feelings, in order for it to truly work. I can assure you, your next relationship won't be arguement-free, if that's what you are expecting. I'm sure that it seems like a perfect solution from the outside looking in. But you are going to have to learn how to make compromises and find solutions when you have arguements with your partner - if all you do is run and find a new relationship every time "love fades" - the problems that you are having are bound to resurface again in you next relationship, because you didn't deal with them. Anyways, this opinion is just another perspective on how to look at things and Food for thought...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): The right thing to do is to tell the person sooner rather then later. Tell them your feeling differently and you want to take some space.
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