A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:sad storey that i cant get over,i was having an afairfor over 25 years. she was a wonderfull person,she had a husband me a wife,we went out together 3 times per week and it suited both of us, 2 years ago at christmas time new years eve to be correct i phoned to wish happy new year, and was informed that she had suenly died that morning, i loved her so much,cronic broncaitus i was told, i never went to the funeral as respect to her husband, i hurt so much inside, i never had the chance to say goodby or even pay my respectswhat can i do to ease the pain rob
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): As some have said, a death of a loved one is hard to cope with. Regardless of your status towards each other.
It was very sweet of you, very kind of you to not attend the funeral to respect her husbands wishes. You can visit her though?! As a friend, as someone she cared about.
I'm assuming your still married. Use your wife for support, your friends. If you want to chat with someone about it, I suggest a trust-worthy friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Thanks Ms Srict, people can always be so unkind.... Sorry dear caller, I can only imagine how your feeling, having to put on a brave face and hold her in your heart, and grieve at the same time. No words I say can take away the pain, there is nothing I can say. Please know you have touched many hearts and we're thinking of your lady who has gone so far away.
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (10 July 2008):
Anyone who has suffered the death of someone they love doesn't deserve insensitive, unpleasant and nasty responses - no matter what the circumstances of their relationship.
So I'm just letting you all know that I've removed two of the responses to this question and I will remove any others that are similar.
Susan
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Dr Solutions - unfortunately the standard of written and spoken English in UK schools is absolutely appalling and has obviously not improved over the years.
Perhaps we should send our kids to Egypt for their education? It wouldn't do any harm by the look of it!
I knew a couple with a similar lifestyle, so this one isn't particularly unique.
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Oh, by the way "Dr Solutions", the word "mistress" in the title was used by the moderator. The OP did not refer to her as a mistress in his post.
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male
reader, oldfool +, writes (10 July 2008):
I am sorry to hear your story. The fact that this was the kind of relationship frowned on conventionally doesn't detract from the reality of your grief over the death of a person who meant so much to you.
I believe your anguish is a result of the contradiction in your relationship.
That is, you were intimate with her for 25 years, but it was strictly "on the side". Now that she's gone, you realise how much she meant to you, but because of the nature of your relationship you can't resolve your grief publicly like her husband can.
I can think of no way to assuage the grief, except to hold her in your heart, secretly, in the same way that you had your relationship with her.
I am not religious, but I would like to think that wherever she is, she will feel your grief just as much as if you were to make a public display of it.
My other suggestions are:
* Show your remembrance in some other way. For example, donating to some charities or causes that might have meant something to her. Is there a charity for sufferers of bronchitis?
* Write! Write a book, write your memoirs. Unfortunately your English is not very good, so this may not be very practical, but you may be able to find someone to help you. As your life together flows into the pages of your memoirs, so will the grief that you feel inside.
Sorry I can't be more helpful than that.
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female
reader, Aisha  +, writes (10 July 2008):
I am sorry to hear that. I am not for infidelity but I also believe that you also can not choose who you will fall in love with. It is a complicated situation. I believe you should go for counseling for these things and have them to also help. But, Ale is right. You should focus on your wife and those that are in your life now. Work on repairing your marriage if you also love your wife.
Best of luck.
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female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Ooops... and I thought I was harsh! Since someone thought so from my last reply.
Anyway anyway, I forgot to offer some tissues !
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): It is never easy loosing somebody that you cared for;
BUT
hold onto the good memories; the pain does ease with time;
Best wishes
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): CRUSE is a UK organisation that will help you deal with bereavement. Google it for details.
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A
female
reader, °Ale° +, writes (9 July 2008):
Well... that is a sad thing and I am sorry that happened. If you really loved the woman then why haver her on the side and act in such way for so long? Now that shes gone you can try on focus on your marriage and love those that are in your life so that later on you don't find yourself in the same situation. Take it as a lesson and appreciate your life and honor the ones you have, if you're not happy in your marriage then end it before it ends you. Live your life to the fullest and be greatful you spent time and space with such special person and let the hope of another love (or current one) live in you until you achieve that happiness again.
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