A
male
age
41-50,
*hino
writes: Last year I met this girl and I completly fell in love with her.She has a boyfriend , but she was like everyday visiting me at my house ,because it wasn't going well in her relationship. Later on she fell also in love with me , we are even having sex now but still she wont leave him .Many times we had arguements and I told her why she doesn't leave him and she answers me: " I just can't ."Once she tried to leave him but the next day she went back because he told her that he would work on their relation .And now he is completely changed (how a boyfriend is supposed to do ) but still she visits me and we are doing are "stuff".The reason why we have arguements is because I'm tired of hiding , I can't do anything with her in public , everytime I have to be in my house with her.About sex : it's her first boyfriend , so many things she didn't know , I taught her a view and now she is doing things with me , she never even did with her boyfriend .What must I do ?? Should I leave her ? Continue with her ??Should I just step up to her boyfriend and tell him that his girlfriend is chaeting on him with me ??Can You please help me ?? I'm so fed up with this , but I love her soo much !!
View related questions:
fell in love, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): Chino, It is hard. You need to look hard at what you are doing here. Understand the difference between true love and relationship dependency. This is the only way you can avoid falling in the trap of loving someone just because you think 'you' need them. You need no one, actually..true love is being with someone, where you 'both love each other and both of you give the best of yourselves to a relationship'. It'd be far better to hook up with someone when you're in great condition and feeling good about yourself because you will be much less dependent and so probably will truely love this person, in the healthiest of ways. Good luck, dear.
A
male
reader, Chino +, writes (8 June 2008):
Chino is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot you guys !!!! All of you are right , it all came to my mind too but it's so hard to leave her because I love her .
All seems so real that's why it's so difficult for me 2 leave her.
last friday (6/6/08) she stoppped because I was putting pressure on her and she decided to stop . I told her don't take me wrong but as long as you don't leave him we'll always fight when you visit your BF. Because that hurts me.
The next day (saturday)she came to my house again , apoligized and said that she can't be without me ......
and then I just took her back , it's so difficult .
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): Chino, how can any good come of this for you. Stop doing stuff with her. You both know that what you are doing is something which is wrong. You need to be in an loving, open and honest relationship, with someone else...someone who doesn't keep you hidden. She says she loves you but she still chooses another relationship over you. That means she is willing to lose you, if you keep forcing her to choose. You tried that once and still, she went back to him. And still, you took her back?! She could've lost you by doing that and she took the chance, anyways. So that tells me, if she is taking chances like this and is willing to lose you...she doesn't love you. The thing is, Chino--she loves this other man. And let's not forget how huge trust issues are predominating in this situation, glaringly. She is untrustworthy to be doing this to her bf, in the first place. Even if she did choose you over him, it will be hard for you, to forget that she cheated on this guy. You may always wonder about her true character. So why did this woman become involved with you? Because her opportunities were limited, she was unhappy but...she is with this guy because...she loves him and not you. The only path to your happiness will come from making right choices. I think it's time for you to try very hard to stop loving her...and give yourself time to heal and recover. It will be hard, but face the pain and get out there and free yourself from this hold she has on you.
...............................
A
female
reader, mercerbear  +, writes (7 June 2008):
i can't say if she loved you she would leave him, because when it comes to a girl and her first anything, it is very special. but i can say that once a cheater always a cheater- you can't condone behavior that would have you screaming and cursing if someone did it to you. and even if you did love her, that doesn't mean that you can be with her- sometimes love is like that- and don't tell her boyfriend because he didn't do anything to you and hurting him will make her feel sorry for him and then she'll be mad at you because she will be looked at as a harlet a.k.a. ho.
...............................
A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (7 June 2008):
 cheating is wrong, and helping someone cheat is kinda bad too. this is not a good relationship for you especially if she wont leave him. shes trying to have it all, and people who try to have it all should have it all taken from them. so i would say that you should tell her boyfriend and be sure to tell him that you wont be seeing her anymore, and then break off all ties with her. it wont be easy, especially since you love her but its for the best. and besides if she was willing to leave him for you then what would stop her from leaveing you for someone else when things got bad, you would never be able to fully trust her.
...............................
|
