A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this girl for 1 year and 6months. She always says things like "I love you more than anything in the world" or "I will love you for ever" or "I want to be with you forever" etc. etc. Which there is nothing wrong with that but I don't feel the same way about her. I do love her and I would absolutely hate to see her feelings get hurt. But I don't want to marry this girl. Whats even more worse is now both of us have a great relationship with each others families. We have lots of fun together, she is like a best friend. But I sort of pull away when she gets to close with all this love stuff. She is way more experienced when it comes to relationships and sexual partners. Where as I have only been in one serious relationship and only had intercourse with one women... and its her. She claims I am the most amazing person in every way, but yet I still feel like I'm not 100% totally in love with this girl. We are both 25 and have established careers, I have told her before that I feel like she loves me more then I love her and she seems fine with that. But I want to be 100% in love and I thought over time that would happen, but I just don't feel it. I feel like I'm just to nice of a person that I could literally live with this girl for the rest of my life and still feel the same way. TBH she is more of a friend then a lover, even though we do have amazing sex apparently (I wouldn't actually know lol, considering she's my first). The other bad things is, she married a man who was a virgin like I, and he ended up convincing her into having a foursome and then he eventually cheated on her. Its almost as if history is repeating its self for this poor girl, I don't want to hurt her :(Is there something wrong with me? I just cant seem to figure it out. thoughts?opinions?questions?
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 July 2013):
 I see no one mentioned the fact that you maybe unsure of how you really feel and the fact you want to try sex with someone else, the comment that you think sex is great, meaning you not sure its the best.
I suggest you try to end things amicably and also be honest. You may or may not find after leaving her, that she actually rocked your world and she was the best thing.
This scenario has also been played out and there is only one way to find out. Hence my comment try not to leave things too badly, also you just might have her as a friend for life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply's everyone, we are moving back to her hometown where she will be closer to her family. I just have to time things right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): Well eventually her love will fade for you, as in my experience girls like that are needy,because they want love and to be loved. She will see that you don't love her, and become unattached with you as your aren't giving 100%. And usually it will end with her having an affair. As it will be a new man that will strike interest in her. You need to think to yourself do you actually love her and just going through a stage of whoa I've only been with 1 women.. or if you don't love her at all. Ps fair. Play going out with a women that had a 4sum I couldn't lol
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (6 July 2013):
Sounds to me like she is a needy/codependent person. Her feelings for you may not be as strong as they appear; she could be one of those people that just thinks she's madly in love when she's really just very in need of someone.
Either way, don't let that make you feel guilty. I wouldn't stay with her any longer, the more time you waste, the greater chance Ms. Right will get snatched up by someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): Straight talk, I've seen this situation time and time again. I've even been through it myself. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that you're not ready for a relationship so you can't give her the love she desires. It sounds harsh but its better than the guilt of wasting years or more on something you knew from now was never meant to be. Just be straight so she doesn't assume things that puts you in hopeless positions. If you think your mind will change don't count on your heart changing without serious work. It doesn't sound like its meant to be so the cons are this. If you lead her on by being nice then there is a good chance later down the line you'll get fed up and treat her poorly. If somehow it works then it will take a change of mind and heart and that's like killing your old self to create a new you. Whatever the choice it would always be better if you're with someone you want to be with for the rest of your life or vice versa.The way to do this is to just look at it from her perspective. Would you like to be in love with a woman who has a relationship with you but considers you a friend?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): You were honest with your feelings, so no need to feel guilty. That is, if you are being totally honest about it.
However; I doubt you have been as firm about that as you imply.
She is needy; because things didn't work out with her previous relationship. Her desperation to get married is really the motive behind all her comments. You know that.
When caught up in an infatuation, the person on the receiving end has the responsibility of setting things straight. Women are almost always more emotional in a relationship than a man.
If necessary, you may have to breakup; before she becomes so deeply attached that you will be smothered. She is clinging in desperation; and trying to push you to commit beyond the extend of your true feelings for her.
Please stop leading her on.
Women who ignore the fact that she is more emotionally involved than the guy in her relationship, is a very needy woman. Foolishly willing to sacrifice her own feelings; just to make it work. That is totally unhealthy. It's also unfair to her.
It will be a very difficult thing to do, but only fair to her. Tell her you will never marry her. She is expecting you to marry her someday; and if you don't come clean, she will set her heart on it.
If you don't intend to. Let her go. She deserves to be available to someone who is looking for more of a commitment than you are willing to offer her.
Stop being selfish and using her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): It sounds like you should break up with her! Of course it will hurt her, and take time for both of you to get over, but it sounds like the best thing for both of you. I think 18 months is long enough to at least be considering marriage...if you don't see this girl in your future, it's time to let her go so she can find a husband (and you can find a wife).
But make sure you take time to be single before starting your next relationship! Both for your sake and your girlfriend's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): Nothing is wrong with you, on how you feel. What is wrong here that you are not being true to yourself. You obviously don't love her, don't say you love her, because you don't. You like her enough to be with her but is not love. Lots of people marry not because of love. Lots onpeople marry because they want to settle and have a family. What love is anyway? Mad crazy love goes away, that's why we have so many divorces. It's just how things progress. People who are true to themselves and want to be in love with their future wife/husband don't stay with a person who they have no feelings for. The fact that you developed good relationship with both families mean nothing if you have no feelings for her. You are not going to marry her family. The fact that she is crazy about you doesn't change anything, you still are not in love with her. You can still drag it to the very end when you need either to propose or say the truth, or end it now and let her find her someone who will love her. Good luck
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