A
male
age
30-35,
*ellium
writes:Hello everyone :) I got a wicked situation right here. I fell in love with a girl I knew 2 months ago. There are a few things that are pretty weird. Sche ist the ex and first girlfriend of my life-time best friend (we know us since he was born, just one year after me. We are just like brothers) and she ist the best friend of my best friend's girlfriend. As strange as it may sound, we met eachother at the exact day where she cutted up with his boyfriend, with who she was 2 years together. Her life ist a little bitched up; she splitted up once from her boyfriend, for about 2 months. In the meantime she dated an other guy, but in the end she went back to her boyfriend, but ended, as said, once again.At the time we met, I got asked to play the role of her new date or something ( Not even I did understand what I was supposed to do), because one guy started stalking her. We got to know eachother pretty well at that night. From that night on, we started to have a lot of contact to eachother (via SMS and internet Chat).As a soldier, I'm at home only at weekends, so the next weekend, my best buddy and her girlfriend organized a walk through the city, and as awaited, this girl was also there. WE ended up at my buddy's house, watching horror movies. We were laying on a big bed all together and she started gettin closer and closer to me. Then she held my hand, started touching me softly and so on. I was getting a little nervous because I liked her pretty much, but I didn't expect souch situation so soon. I kept calm and just enjoyed the night. The day after, they planned another night for us 4. Ironically, they wanted to make a horror movie session... The situation repeted itself. Under the blanket crossing our legs and so on, jently touching and teasing (not sexually) eachother. At that night I got a blank head and didn't really thought about my next reaction; I talked to her and told her that I liked her a lot and so, and that I had the feeling that she felt the same. But then came something that I didn't understand: She said she couldn't be with me. As a matter of fact, I accepted it. We kept on having contact. A bit less but still there.At the next weekend, we went once again out, this time to a big city. I got myself into trouble with 3 Irish guys, into a fight. I managed to defend myself rather to rip them into pieces (would have been just trouble if the Captain would become a letter from a Police Station) and not get injured untill the 3 morons disappeared. I barely had a scratch on my forehead and a little injury in my mouth, from the punches. She felt guilty, because I took her away from those 3 bastards, who were overwealming her. at that night she was literally my shadow. At the way back, she was all the time leaning herself on me, wanting me to hold her and so on. I was saying to my self "dude, something is very wrong here. I feel the "just a friend" situation coming up close!"I hate that situation because untill today, I never had a girlfriend. The reason was always the one and the same: "I just like you as a friend"I decided to tell her that Ineed some time for myself and that I wanted to stay a few days appart from her, because I didn't want to get injured. 8 days after, I decided to talk to her. It seems that she tried often to write to me, but somehow the messages never arrived, and she thought that I didn't answer her because I was angry. I explained what happened, and told her that I cannot be that easily without her close to me. I expected something like "are you sure that you won't get injured again? It may be a good idea that we get a little appart..", but nothing! she started posting to me the links of some love songs and so. At last but not least, she just invited me to go camping with her, and as expected, my best buddy and his girlfriend. We will camp in the middle of nowhere, in 2 tents (primarily she said that she will sleep with my buddys girlfriend, but I'm pretty sure that we will both land in one tent..), watch some horror movis on a laptop and have a fun night. After all this strange sucessions I am sure of one thing: I do not have a freaking clue about the way Women think and act. One night she tells me that she can't be with me, and at once she starts the whole thing over again, being perfectly aware of my feelings, witch I ensured that will not change. So I only see 2 possibilities:-She likes me A LOT but just as a friend-She loves me but is not sure about being with me, for whatever reason there should be.Witch sounds mor plausible? as a pessimist, I think it's the first.. I just would like to know how to act, because she knows from me that I still love her and she doesn't act as if she would care about my feelings :-SA little help would indeed be nice :) Thanks and sorry for this horribly bad written text!
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female
reader, LizaA  +, writes (30 May 2009):
Hiya,First of all find out WHY she can't be with you, she must have a reason... if she doesn't maybe she wants the affectionate side of a relationship without the rest.If its becuase of her relationship with your friend, find out from your friend if it bothers him - explain your feelings for her, becuase if it bothers him, you can't let it affect your friendship and will have to remain friends with this girl, if hes not bothered, then at least you know that he is not standing in the way.Explain to her that you like her, and don't feel that there is anything stopping you both being together. Explain that you will treat her how she wants to be treated and everything and ask her for a chance.Tell her if she insists on being 'just friends' then all this behaviour needs to stop becuase you want more, but you want the whole relationship or nothing. Tell her there will be no more links to love songs, there will be none of that whatsoever.If she loves you, she will take the chance and be in a relationship with you.If she can't be in a relationship then why wait around for her, she has her chance which is right now!
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