A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have started dating "lee" since dec i actually drove 2000miles to met him he drove w me back to my state to live w me everything was fine til he started his new job which was a nite job which ended up him finding drugs and booze... i kicked him out and sent him back to his home town. he calls me everyday and tells me how much he has messed up and he is in rehab and counsoling for 2 mos so far which i am happy he finally got the help he needs. we are 35000 miles away from ea other and the distance is hurting. i was introduced to a really nice guy that dosnt do drugs. Should i stay with Lee or see where this new relationship goes?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): I can only tell you my experiences...I was married to an addict for 16 years...I knew from the beginning that he was a drug addict. We met at an N.A. meeting (Red flag)
Throughout our 16 year marriage he was in 5 rehabs only to use again once he was back out on the streets. I tried everything I could possibly do to help him in recovery (I too was in recovery) of course, after a while, he dragged me down with him. I allowed it to happen.
As time went by, it only got worse. He became physically and emotionally abusive. He eventually died of a massive heart attack from chronic drug use. The body can only take so much.
I went from that relationship to an LDR. This guy seemed so different than what I was used to. I fell in love. He was also 3,000 miles away. After a year of making plans for a future together it all fell apart. The stress of long distance became too much for either one of us!
You have to follow your heart, I know, but the logical thing to do is check out the new relationship!
Good Luck!
Britt
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (30 May 2009):
 It's obvious.3500 miles away(sweety, LDR's dont work)Addiction (realize that most persons that go through rehab are in a "Honeymoon" period when they get out where they think that becuase they go to rehab and they are cured.)It doesent work that way. The reason I am saying this is no one fresh out of rehab should be worrying about anything but maintaining their sobriety.I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict. I have battled it almost 30 years now. I have had many relapses, but have now been clean some 8 yearsAnd I said "recovering". Addiction to drugs and alcohol can never be cured. It is an ongoing process and first and foremost the addict needs to not be placed into any situation where his recovery can be sabatoged...Rule #1I know you may feel that if you breask it off with him that he will use it as an excuse to go off the rails. He may, but then he has not hit rock bottom. Addicts only get better if they hit rock bottom, albeit rock bottom is vastly different for each individual.If he is in a rehab, he is obviously asking advice about it,. and any sponsor worth his mettle will tell him that continuing in an LDR with you is a surefire way for him to start using again, It is nothing against you, but the addict who is not committed to his recovery first will use anything they can as a trigger and excuse to use again.And I think if you really care about him, you will understand that the best love you can show him right now is to let him go so he can begin to recover. Once again it is nothing you did..please understand that. But addiction is a baffling thing. It took me many times of slips(having months, sometimes close to a year sober before something would make me use...then it got worse. I used increasingly dangerous drugs, drank harder each time I relapsed... blew threw money like it was no tomorrow(...it was the 80's so we all thought there really was no tomorrow..lol)Move on with your life for the time being, meet new people. And in time, because actions speak louder than words, if he can prove by actions he has a year or more of sobriety under his belt, you may want to reconsider.
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