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male
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*truggling
writes: My girlfriend is 23 and initially told me she had been with 13 guys before me. We've been dating for about two years and about a month ago, I discovered she was lying to me. First her number moved up from 13 to 15 guys, then 16, 18, 20 and finally 23. I kept asking because I could tell she was still lying. At this point, I don't think I'll ever know the truth.In hindsight, I wish I had never asked her. However, the number isn't what matters at this point. It's the fact that she lied so easily to me so many times. I've been trying to work it out, but I can't seem to trust her. So basically, I have a lying, slutty girlfriend that I love to death.I can understand her lying initially. 23 guys is pretty damn bad for a girl of 23. Now I don't know whether to stay or leave. This has been our only big fight in two years and other than this, the relationship has been great. Any advice? I don't know what to do about this one. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Struggling +, writes (11 May 2006):
Struggling is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help everyone. I guess my problem is that I can't shake the feeling that 23 is more than just a little excessive. I was uncomfortable with 13, but i didn't say anything and worked through it because i thought, "Oh well, that's her past at least she's honest." So much for that line of thought.
Among my circle of friends, no one expects to marry a virgin but everyone is hopeing for someone with 10 or less sexual partners on their list. Everyone can say the past is the past, but I can't shake the feeling that 23 previous sexual partners is entirely more than any sane guy would want in a girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): Struggling, two of my relationships ended due to the sexual past of my partner, I can't stress enough to you that you need to focus on how she has been since she met YOU.
She might have been a slut in the past. Or maybe she felt worthless, and had sex like this for attention. Does that make her a slut? The past is something you have to accept, that she used sex in a way that you are not comfortable with and wouldn't have done yourself.
She lied. Yes. But this wasn't to deceive you. It was because she is ashamed of her past; she didn't want you to see her as a slut which you are doing now.
If your relationship is great, please don't punish her for the mistakes she made before she met you.
She loves you, and she wants you to look at her with respect, not with disgust.
If you don't show that you accept her past, you will loose her. The feelings you show her will damage her feelings for you.
So it's 23. That is quite high to your standards, but is it REALLY worse than 13? Do you have a cut off point in your mind that one number is ok, and the other isn't?
Sex seems to mean something different to you. You didn't spend your past sleeping around but she did. She didn't do this because she is a bad person. She did it because she hadn't found someone who loved her and respected her.
I hope you can get through this and see that she lied for understandable reasons, and that just because she has slept with more people in the past, it shouldn't change what you have with each other.
If you leave her believe me, you will regret it. You'll also really hurt her. You have a right to feel angry that she lied, but believe me, she is feeling absoluetely shit right now.
I hope you can work things out. Don't let your mind play on the past. Don't think about her being with other people, it will only damage the love that you have for her. You have to see a distinction between the people she went with before, and the loving sex she has with you.
My advice: try to understand her reasons for this and not judge her by your own standards. Girls and guys often have sex for VERY different reasons and you have no right in looking down on her for how many people she slept with in the past. I bet you any thing she regrets every one of them. Good luck mate.
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male
reader, Gibbon88 +, writes (9 May 2006):
i think she lied to you because what you said in that thing "slutty girlfriend" because if she told you stairght off and you barely know her you think shes a slut and you might of dumped her, i dont believe in soul mates you could, you could of lost your soul mates, because how many chaps she slept with, its not about her history its about you going out if she hasnt cheated on is that all what matters? ok she lied but what i said it maybe she like you to and she doesnt want you to thinks shes a slut. i wouldn't dump her if you love her.
good luck
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