A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'v been dating a girl for almost 5 months, but recently she has told me her true age :(I initially met her in a night club (pub) hence didnt query her age when she told me she was 18. Plus she looked 18, and the staff of the club must have also thought she was 18, otherwise she would not have being allowed in there. However, a few months later, she told me she was 17, then 16, and then a few days ago: 15.I'm now stuck in a no win situation. I don't know what I should do. Our relationship was perfect. I loved her soo much and probably always will. The lying I hate, but then she explained why: she loved me too much and knew if she had told me sooner, she would have lost me. But then she further felt she couldnt keep it away from me any longer. I can't really hate her for that as I suppose, she did have a valid reason for the lying.But now, i'm the bad nasty male for either answers. If I love her enough, I will keep with her, plus "age is only a figure" How the hell can I end such a perfect relationship. But then I feel its wrong. Although I suppose that is only because its illegal, and i am risking my career, and probably my life because if I got put on a pervert register, i'd just commit suicide. Its sending me crazy, I can't cope with seeing her cry. I can't sleep and I miss her more than anything. Any advice? and you can be honest,,,I'd rather you all tell me your honest opnions rather than what you think I would like you to say. My own views are that it would be perverted to keep with her, but then as she says, how can 6 months make such a difference? And compared to other countries ie Asia, the age gap wouldn't be enough. The law here is different, but yet again I get an answer back,,,since when did anyone follow every law??? It would be impossible to follow every law, and its a fact that every single person breaks at least 5 laws a year. I can't win,,,,,,,,,,Tom Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (31 May 2007):
 "but then as she says, how can 6 months make such a difference?" Great she in agreement, wait 6 month before you guys start dating again. These laws are not arbitrary they were created for a reason. Breaking this one is simply not worth the risk.
A
female
reader, starfish +, writes (31 May 2007):
you dont say how old you are!you know its not right, do you really want to get into trouble?, because you certainley could, think again, you could both wait and if you cant then it wasnt meant to be, couldnt you go n meet her parents?, think carefully this could affect the rest of your life if you get caught!and a woman scorned, even if she is only 15, would she be vindictive enough to get you in to trouble for finishing with her????????
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl +, writes (30 May 2007):
 I don't think you're perverted at all - you didn't know how old she was! And I guess her reasons are sort of justified... however 15 is so young...
Some 15 year olds are more mature than others though, it depends on the individual. I think if you really love each other you'll be able to wait for a year as 'only friends' - then you can be together, worry-free. You don't wanna wreck your whole life just because you can't wait a year or so.
But I really don't think you should ditch the whole thing just because of her age - plenty of couples have a 10-year age gap. Wait a year! Good luck! xxx
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (30 May 2007):
 You obviously care about this girl, because you are trying to justify why she lied to you. And to be honest, I dont think her reasoning for lying to you for so long is a justified excuse.
However, since you both have obvious feelings for each other it is difficult to just throw all of that out the door. In the same way, we have laws here to protect youngsters like her, and you have to obey them.
If you feel so strongly about each other, in a years time, you'll still feel the same way and you could resume your relationship then.
You are right that age is just a number, but when you are almost 10 years older than her when she is still a child, that is wrong too. You are much more sexually experienced than her, and as such, she will feel as though she has to do what she may not want to because you want to. Wait a year. It will make all the difference!
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A
female
reader, whiskey_cowgurl  +, writes (30 May 2007):
yikes...
first off, let me say, lying about your age is no way to get someone to like you. your relationship with this girl has started out being built on lies... but that's not your fault, it's hers. i do however understand her reasoning for not wanting to tell you, because she was afraid to lose you, but still... if she really did like you, she should have told you right off the bat, because if you really did like her as much as she thought you did then chances are you would have understood, and it would have been better in the long run.
but what's done is done, and now you have a real relationship with her, despite the fact. she is alot younger than you first understood her to be, making things difficult for you (not so much for her) because you being with an underage girl could get you in alot of trouble. but the heart dosn't exactly like to listen to the law, therefore you'll never just be able to forget about her and move on. if you really do "love" her, despite the fact, then i am sure you will be able to work things out. tell her you want to you know the truth, about everything, start fresh... so to speak. but remember, she is still young, so be careful. it might be smart to wait a year or two until she is 16-17 and go from there... that's just my thought though. the other aunts have given some great advice, and i am sure you will be able to figure things out
best of luck, whiskey
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (30 May 2007):
 I think you either need to wait until she turns 16 before you start to date one another. That way no one can say you are a pervert and you dont run the risk of things between you going to far.
Im sure she is a really nice girl, but i think a 15 year old may want different things from a relationship.
Is she ready to be in a mature relationship with you?
This is an awkward situation, you sound like you both really like each other. Do the right thing here though dont go out with her until she has reached 16.
xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): You are 18 She is 15 she lied about her age when she first meet you not knowing she was going to fall in love with you. She did tell you because she relized she loves you and she wants to be honest with you and have a real relationship. Telling you the truth first off oll took a lot of currage. I think if you love her and she loves you and her parents are ok with it then go for it because what if she is the one for you? You dont want to give that up plus when your 23 she will be 20 what difference does it make your only 3 years apart i was 15 when i meet my boyfriend and he was 18. And we have been dating for over a year and have a great relationship. My parents kove him and we even had a beautiful daughter. See dont give up do easly. Hang on to what you think is right . Alot of people look down on it but that is the way things are these days people are fallen in love younger and younger if you both can handel it then go for it. Im just being honest. If other people dont like it Oh well
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): Excuse me, lying about her age so that she will not lose you is not a valid reason for lying. She lied about her age when she met you, and tricked you into having a relationship with her thinking that she was of age and then all of a sudden, when it was no longer convenient to lie, she tells you three other lies and then finally her age, or is she 13 today?
That is an indication of her immaturity, and her inability to be in an adult relationship. Adult relationships are based on equality and respect, friendship and trust and the possibility of something deeper.
You cannot have the relationship you seek with a girl of 15, I don't care what country you are in, she is a child. I understand that the legal age of consent in the UK is 16...in the US it is 18, even so this is a very young age at 16 and 18 to consent to sex.
There are some biological reasons for this....women who have sex at a young age are at a greater risk for cervical cancer, their young age puts them at risk....that is one issue that makes it more than preverted, it makes it life threatening. Also, kids are more likely to be careless due to their inexperience; there are too many children giving birth to children, grandparents are raising their grandkids, while the tax paying citizens are paying for their child's welfare.
Next, it does not matter what the laws are in Asia, you had better pay attention to the laws where you live and work if you do not want to devestate your life. You are on a slippery slope to ruin if you are considering breaking 5 laws because supposedly everyone else does. (Where do you get this information, who are these people breaking 5 laws a day, and what does that have to do with your current situation? Please, stick to the issues at hand and don't add more BS into a relationship built on a house of sand).
If she is crying and carrying on, she is trying to emotionally black mail you. You did not do anything wrong here, you are not the bad guy if you pull the plug on this relationship before it goes too far. No relationship is perfect if you think this is then you are merely infatuated with her.
See her for who and what she is, someone that is deperate for love and attention from someone older, perhaps she has a poor relationship with her father, or an absent one...encourage her to get closer with her family if at all possible, for there she will find a source of strength and acceptance that she is needing.
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