A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me (F, 20) and my gf (F, 21) are together for nearly 2 years.A while ago, i accidently noticed she was on a dating site. She said she still had it from before we were together, but that she wasnt active on it. I believed her, and just asked her to remove it. A little while later turned out that she didnt. I asked again if she would remove the profile. A couple of weeks later i noticed that, once again, it turned out that she didnt remove it and she was even active on it. Yesterday, I had enough of it. This time, her status even said she was in an "open relationship"! Which we definitely are not. It upset me a lot. I got angry and kept pushing through until she finally removed it. She was very angry about it. She said that it was no big deal. That i was making a fight for nothing. That she was only searching friends on it, complaining that i didnt trust her enough and i was too controlling...I dont think im that controlling at all. Is it really too much to ask a long term partner to NOT date other people?? She crossed the line by having the profile, by lying to me that much, by saying we are in an open relationship behind my back...This morning i noticed she removed her facebook profole, her skype, and everything else. Im unable to contact her unless through text. I sent her one text, but she ignores it. We live too far away from each other to quickly check things out.She always ignores me for 1 or 2 days when we have an argument. Which is a second thing im tired of. I dont know what to do. Should i try to contact her or should i wait for her to get back? I dont want to text her 20 times, just to be ignored everytime. She has to know she went way too far. If it wasnt her, I would have left by now. The thing is, this is the first relationship that i really feel happy in, that i feel comfortable in and i can be myself.. My previous relationships seem like nothing compared to this one.I just thought I meant more to her than someone to be in an "open relationship" with...I dont know what to do. And even if she contacts me, i wouldnt even know how to respond..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): Firstly let me say; i don't agree with you ' WiseOwlE ' I have an 'online relationship' myself. We live more likely 4000 km away from each other, but we still have a good relationship (and yes we do meet, like once a year.) It's HARD to have a LDR, BUT we manage it and we will soon in a year or so, live together. Secondly for the OP: She does not seem to care so much about you, and she is more interested in chatting with guys. I am not saying she is totally bad but she reminds me of the earlier me, i also chatted with guys, even though i had a LDR (not same guy as now!) No one found out... but.. it went really bad and my relationships was not good. Only reason why i went to other guys was that i was bored in my relationships. I needed affection and i loved guys attention. Now that i have a wonderful fiancee, and it doesn't lack affection, i am more happy and i don't eve bother to look for other guys at all. What my point is, that just go..... Just leave her. It might be good and might hurt, but she does not have the same feelings for you as you have for her. Be happy , find yourself someone who wants to be with you and actually loves you. That girl is not worth your precious time. I wish you all the best -
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2014): If you're having a long-distance relationship; these are the breaks.
People tire of online restricted relationships; and stray. She lied; maybe thinking she didn't want to hurt your feelings. For the most part, she may not really care.
You put too much stock in thinking you could maintain a relationship over social media. This is pretty much the usual outcome. One of the couple in an LDR decides they might start checking out other people. They don't want to hurt the other person's feelings; or just figure they wouldn't know the difference.
You really can't do anything about what she does; if you live too far away to be with her.
She will get lonely, and want sex or affection. If she is as young as you are; she may have outgrown the fantasy-relationship; and decided she wanted something real and tangible. A boyfriend she can see, smell, hear, and touch in real-life. She wants to talk to and actually meet other guys.
Maybe she told the truth and only wanted to make friends and talk to other people online; like she said.
She might as well; if you don't have a real relationship that you actually visit and spend time together. She can stay online and talk to as many people as she pleases. You don't own her. Her feelings aren't as deep as yours, obviously.
If she's talking to guys as far away as you are, what's the threat anyway? She doesn't really have to commit to you, if you're never really together. You're just another guy she chats with online.
Nothing but messages and Skype? Now you're bullying her and telling her what to do? Sorry young man, but she doesn't have to take that from you. You're not a real-life boyfriend. You're make-believe.
You've forgotten something. You're just an image on a screen. That makes it harder for her to feel real emotions for you.
It's hard enough being faithful to people sitting next to you. Someone you see everyday; only an arm's-reach away. It's even harder when there are miles or oceans between you, and you're only linked through social media.
Try to deal with it, and let go. You really need to practice having actual relationships with women nearby.
Interact with women in real-time, and learn not to fall so heavily for women you don't get to see and touch.
I guess this is where you learn and grow into manhood.
It's easy hiding behind a screen and not having to talk real-talk and do real things. Now you have to get out there and actually be with someone you care for, and experience real-life relationships. They take much more effort; but they are very rewarding.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (16 June 2014):
I think the real problem here is that you think this is as good as it gets. Her dishonesty and lack of concern for your feelings should be a deal breaker...
Let's just say she really only wants friends. Why would she lie about her relationship status?
It's likely that the reason this is happening is that your relationship lacks intimacy because of the distance. Is this a temporary thing? Do you have plans to close the gap?
Don't get me wrong, she's still cheating in some form (maybe even physically), but it's possible that she'd be faithful if you were closer. LDR'S should be temporary unless you're the type of person who is intimacy-phobic.
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