A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have currently moved countries from Europe to Asia- on my own. While here, I met a man from a different part of Europe. We met up almost every day during the initial stages and I was very happy to have a kind thoughtful and handsome man to share this new experience with. There was a bond, I remember thinking when I first met him that I really liked him. Initially, we were both taking the relationship as it came but with that in mind, my boyfriend (being the kind thoughtful and chivalrous character that he is) invested a lot more energy into the relationship than I could imagine doing.I felt truly loved and how a woman should be treated.I have never felt so secure and safe with anyone and highly doubt anyone could ever make me feel as secure and loved as he does. Importantly, I was madly in love with a guy from my home but he desperately hurt me emotionally and part of the reason I left the country, to get away from him. My current boyfriend is the complete opposite to him and in most parts I value that. Currently, I could not ask to be treated better.5 months on and we are still going out.Our situations have changed (some of my friends have moved out to live with me). This has placed a huge strain on me as I am finding it hugely challenging to divide my time between my friends and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is leaving soon to go back to Europe. We have agreed to stay together, so are spending more time with one another before he leaves.Important to note that while my boyfriend is quite good at getting what it is he wants, I am more passive and very poor at decision making. I over analyze. Something my dad gives out to be for. My query is,is it all too much.Is it wrong that he has invests more in it than I can?Is it wrong that I when im not with him, Im not positive about my feelings for him?keeping in mind that when I am with him, I feel loved cared for and v secure. When I am not with him, do I get anxious, over think and analyse? Or does it simple mean that he is not right for me? I am the type of girl who tends to turn men down than to allow something to develop- is that because I strive for perfection (something that does not exist because of my own insecurities and idealisms) or do I simply not care/love him enough. How can you tell the difference.I am v confused about it all and finding all the changes in my life v difficult to deal with (moving continent on my own, starting my first professional job, getting into a relationship, my friends moving over, boyfriend leaving soon,staying with him despite leaving).I dont exactly want to break up, I think he would make a trustworthy and honest life partner and completely has my back.If anyone can please shed light on this matter,Id appreciate it greatly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): So with all this is mind. We had a big discussion about it and decided that i realized that it was this place that was impacting upon my feelings towards him. I was so caught up in work and I was projecting that stress in this busy law firm onto other areas of my life. I love him, I know that now. We are planning a move back to my home (Wales). He is also then closer to his home, Brazil. Thank you all for your responses.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): We, as human beings, have the tendency to entertain the notion that the grass may be or is greener on the other side...... even while life is good.
Committment is something to be taken seriously and the one thing you should be certain about before taking big steps. I can only say that time is what you still need. He seems like the perfect mate but are you really ready to dive in head first into a relationship that you are not certain about? It seems that you are not and would only be fair to hold off rather than become a disappointment to him later.
At the end, it really depends upon what you want out of a relationship. Much luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): Thank you both for your responses.I personally do not think that I am on a rebound. I will always have feelings for my ex, but no longer is he someone I admire and respect. I know that he loved me, but I also know that he wasnt ready for the kind of relationship I wanted. He promised me all kinds of things 'love, you're the one, marriage'. This equates to dishonesty, immaturity,disrespect. I know how I want to be treated and aware that I was not going to get that commitment from him. Yes, in honesty- it makes me sad. However, I have moved on with my life and happy to do so.My current boyfriend, if he would ever say any of the above, I know 100% that he means every word. Honesty,maturity, respect. What more could I ask for, right?He has even mentioned that he would move countries for me. Commitment. And then I wonder, maybe thats what makes me anxious? Commitment that is. As it is such early stages still in the relationship, I feel that it has been propelled into a more serious one due his upcoming move back to Europe.Its a huge thing to hear from someone, knowing that where they move to in the WORLD, depends on you. If I said I wanted to move to Africa- I know he would follow. Is that too much commitment from someone- or is that how its supposed to be? Because that kind of commitment is somewhat alien to me, after my only other boyfriend as I do not get into many relationships because I think you need to save yourself. Although, this type of love is something I know I deserve.I also worry about some of his querks. Such as due to cultural differences, will he get on well with my family?
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (16 June 2014):
You sound a very open,honest,senstive,caring person so try and be gentle on yourself.Yes you have found a wonderful man and man worth holding on to .Remember you are still trying to get over the boy back home and the hurt that you felt then and still.Do not doubt your feelings so much about your new boyfried but give it Plenty of time for you to hea even more and fall deeper in love with this special man that you have meetEven on a wedding day that morn a man/woman will think do i love enough.Try and not OVER THINK THINGS TO MUCH. Be positive.Best Wishes NORA B
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2014): Wow! Seems right now that you may be on the rebound. I'm not sure what to tell you except that you may have been looking for all the traits that your previous boyfriend lacked. It's possible that you have residual feelings for your ex and you may be measuring the love you had for him with the feelings you currently have.How to measure love? Hard to say and are you confusing love with the yearning left for someone who hurt you? Either way, take your time with this. While he seems like an excellent prospect, he may just not be the one intended for you.It's also not wrong of you to analyze within reason. But also remember that many married couples started out as great friends. Best friends are mostly honest with each other. They are confidants. They are caring and like spending time together. This is very important in a relationship. Out of these traits and in time, your feelings may deepen. Again, just give it time.
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