A
male
age
51-59,
*rch Angel
writes:Dear aunt's and uncle's, I am currently engaged to a wonderful woman and I love her very much, the problem being that she cannot let go of her ex. I happened across a note she left out, early in our relationship. It made me question a few things that she had told me and I asked her about her ex and she said she did not talk to him and nor did she want to. During several conversations, she let slip with information about him that she should not have known if she did not talk to him, so I checked her phone and emails. The records on both show a very different story. We have been together for 18 months and the only month she has not talk to him was whilst he was overseas. The content of her contacts has been both sexual and conversational. It would appear neither of them are eager to cease their contact, even though it now has the potential to destroy both parties relationships/marriages. I cannot fathom why she stays in contact with him, as he kicked her out of their home to move his mistress in. I have the information and means to end his marriage and my engagement, but I am torn between the hurt I have over this and my love of her.Please help...AA
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Be strong. Take care x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Im glad we were able to help hunny I hope you are ok WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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male
reader, Arch Angel +, writes (27 April 2008):
Arch Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the help everyone. I have gotten rid of her and am trying to move on now. Thankyou for all your help.
AA
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): Hi Hunny
You need to let her know that you no, The trust in your relationship is not good on your g/fs part if she had moved on forward with you from the beginning things of course would be very different hunny and I can only advice you on how this appears and it appears very bad for you...She may be thinking revenge but she could herself have shown the e-mails to his wife by now if there is enough as you have stated.. Odviously he has married the mistress he left her for then why on earth are they still playing this game. Unless the relationship is more exciting now it is private and she has now become the mistress in a way..Its not really great to pry through your partners e-mails and such but you were right, So love you have the information you have to bring it forward now, If your love is strong and you can come through this and continue the relationship talking now is the only way forward 18 months is a long time to be doing this for revenge she would have had enough proof within the first 3months for most wives, Im sorry for your pain hunny and I wish you luck in sorting this out TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): tell her that you love her very much but she needs to move on. tell her that unless she can leave her ex then you will call off the engagment. if she doesn't and you feel you want to go on with the engagment don't. because after an argument or something she'll go back running to him. confront her and hopefully everthing will turn out ok.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): Sometimes its the ones that hurt you the most that you cant let go of, first thing that springs to mind is that she needs to prove she can snatch him back if she wanted to, and perhaps she wants to ruin his marriage herself, Im afraid to say you are stuck in the middle of a game and she is obviously keeping things from you (assuming she has never mentioned the emails that she has been sending)So marrying her if I were you would be the last thing on my mind, if she is dishonest after 18 months the future doesnt look that rosey. Sorry.
My advice would be to confront her with all that you know and watch her try and wriggle her way out of it, what she says will be enough for you to know whether to stick around or not.
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reader, Arch Angel +, writes (21 April 2008):
Arch Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks anon, However I have a seen both sides of their conversations via text and emails. They are both unaware that I have full visibility of their contact and liaisons.AA
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (21 April 2008):
Wow, I'm so so sorry. That's so difficult and painful. It seems you are caught between a rock and a hard place. I have thought about what to advise you for a few minutes now... and the thing that keeps coming to mind is the old adage - if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. You are never going to "talk" her into being faithful to you. But perhaps you can help her clarify where her priorities truly lie.
My suggestion is put copies of all the incriminating phone records and emails in an envelope, and leave it on the kitchen table with a simple note from you along the lines of "I love you very much but I don't know what to do about this. I don't want to marry a woman who isn't truly mine... and mine alone". Let her come home to the envelope and find you gone for the weekend... week, whatever. Don't tell her where you've gone or if you are coming back. Just disappear. Leave your cell phone on the table too. Let her wonder for a few days if she's lost you... because sometimes we don't know what we love until it's gone. Then you can come back, talk it out, see what she has to say and what she wants to do. It might sound cruel, but she needs a serious wake-up call for both your sakes. And you can take the time out as well to think through what you really want to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): Before you end your relationship, you should ask yourself why she is doing it? If he hurt her so much maybe she has a plan of her own?
I suggest you talk to her, you should never go through someone's email and txt stuff coz you will only get half of da story. If you love her then you must talk to her
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