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age
30-35,
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writes: Hi so here is the situation:Me and my girlfriend were together for about a year but before we were good friends for about 5 years. It was highly passionate, and everything seemed perfect. We were both dutch, devout Christians, both had loving families and everything you could ask for in a long term relationship. We are both in different colleges so i lived in a student house and she commuted from her parents house. Valentines day marked the end of the good times. Around then she had helped a new guy from her school break up with an emotionally abusive girlfriend. Since then this guy flirted with her uncontrollably and became obsessed with her under the cloak of being a friend. Unfortunately, she started to become distant with me at the same time and lethargic and boring when we were together to which she just blamed her schooling for being so busy. After about a month, she sent me a message saying that she does not think we click as much anymore, that she needs some time to think and feels as if she needs to be single, but wants to work things out with me. I asked her that while we sort out our problems to please let this guy know to not interfere with our relationship. She freaked out on me said there is absolutely nothing between them and I assume too much, then she broke up with me. I went into severe heartbreak and depression, beating myself up for assuming things between them and thinking this is all my fault. 3 weeks later, my Grandfather passes away, to which her family comes to the funeral to support me, but not her. However, she sends an email, filled with supportive content for my grandfather, and that she wanted nothing more than to go to the funeral, but was afraid she might hurt me but still really cares about me. The next day after the funeral, I find out that she is now in love with this other person and are together now. I still love this person to death, and I have known her for too long and have never seen her do anything like this. She is unaware that I know about them being together. It is downright impossible for me to simply burn bridges and say goodbye forever. Shes a good person and I know it. My questions are these: 1) How do I handle this situation? I want her to know how much she has hurt me, what shes done is wrong, but still somehow down the road go back to where we were before the relationship. Should I do the no contact rule and if so, how long?2) How do I know whether or not she is just going through a phase or she is just showing her true colors? Or whether or not she really does care about me? 3) How do I get over this broken heart and this feeling of worthlessness that I have knowing that she is in love with someone else? Thank you so much and any advice could really help me out of this mess.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): sadly, it is over.
your true love 9reminds me of shrek) is out there. you are hurting now, but soon, you can open your heart to someone else, someone who will love you for you and be there through thick and thin. there are many good people out there but you must be willing to be open to meeting them.
perhaps for now, just be happy to have friends. you are also having to deal with your grand dad's death. take time to mourn him, and also learn to heal, a little at a time.
i am sorry the relationship with your g/f did not work out, but she has chosen and the one is not you. If she is amking a mistake, then that is her burden to beare. you please move on slowly, but surely. In the end you will find THE ONE.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother Problem that I just cant seem to cope with, is that even though the guy isn't christian, or has the same background than me, they seem perfect for each other, but in a different way than the way me and her seemed perfect for each other. How can I cope with this??? God knows I still love her and knowing this just keeps putting me back to square one with getting over her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): I feel your pain, and although I'm not in the SAME situation, I'm in a similar one. I think this is God's way of telling you he has a different path for you. That this experience (although hard to understand now) WILL actually make you a stronger person.1)She should've shown up at the funeral regardless of circumstances. You would've done it for her, and if she comes from that family - she was raised right and should've came.2)I find that "killing people with kindness" hits them the hardest. Not go out of your way to let her know you're "fine"... I just wouldn't let the world see that you're torn apart - she'll definitely ask all your mutual friends how you're doing and they'll say "actually, he's great". This will definitely make her question what she brought to the relationship.3)If she broke your heart, you're not meant to be with her. The person worth crying over in life will never be the one to make you cry. God will set a different path for you. Hang in there! It'll all work out.
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