A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really upset and cant stop crying. My boyfriend didnt spend the day with me yesterday, and i thought he would have as it was Valentines Day. He only asked me to go round to his house at 7pm, so i only got to spend a few hours with him. He was drunk when i got there. I didnt like him being drunk, but he made us a meal and had bought me flowers, chocolates, a jacket and a card. I felt really bad as i hadnt bought him anything. I hadnt been out as i hadnt been feeling well. I was feeling a little bit better yesterday. I told him i will buy him some clothes soon, but its best if he goes with me as he can pick something he likes, and he knows his size. My boyfriend knows a gay man who has had a sex change. This person left a comment on his facebook page this morning saying "hi, how's your head?. Thanks for yesterday, it cheered me up more than you will know ". I started crying when i saw that, as i am hurt that he chose to spend most of Valentine's Day with someone else instead of me. I also wondered what they meant by " cheered up ". Also, if anyone on his friend's list sees the comment, they could think that he spent all Valentine's Day with them and not with me. And they could think he was spending time with another woman ( he uses a woman's name ). I feel humilated, and i have to wonder why my boyfriend didn't ask me to go to town with them. As far as i know, my boyfriend has never had any feelings for men, but this person might have feelings for my boyfriend. I dont think that is the kind of comment that you would write to a friend, and i think it's disrespectful to me that they posted that comment. Should i end the relationship ?. My boyfriend knows that i have seen the comment, as i rang him up and told him. He is supposed to be meeting me later, but i'm worried that he might not turn up now, as he knows i have been upset. If we do stay together, i guess we both have to make things up to each other. We hadnt argued or anything before yesterday, so i cant understand why he chose to spend part of Valentine's Day without me. Do you think i should have a word with that person, and tell them to back off, or should i leave it ?. They know he is with me, as it says that we are in a relationship on his facebook page. That person might have been wondering why he wasnt spending time with me too, unless he told them that he was meeting me later. I know he has had other problems lately, such as with bills, so maybe he wanted to get out the house for a while, but i still think he should have asked me to go too.What should i say to him when i see him again ?.Even if he hadnt been with that person, i would have still been just as upset if he had been out on his own, or if he had been with any friends.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Sorry but you sound too clingy to me, and im only saying this from an outsiders propective. He cooked you a meal, gave you flowers, card and jacket. He spent the day with a friend in need but chose the evening to spend with you. You cant live in each others pockets. That is unhealthy for any relationship. Dont end it for the sake of a trumped up commercialised day. Valentines was supposed to be a day to show your love and appreciation of having someone special. He showed you that. what more are you expecting?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): I know. Believe me, i feel terrible. I wouldnt be surprised if he ends it with me now. I'm not going to try to stay with him. There's no point. I bet he hates me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): "You cheered me up more than you will know". His friend obviously had something up with them for them to be down. It's not a bad thing that he's there for his friends, just like I'm sure he is for you.
Secondly, you shouldn't care what other people will see it as. It's your relationshsip, not theirs. The only thing that matters is how it made YOU feel. It's obviously upset you. You need to talk to him about it. You're not 16... Don't break up over something this silly, especially on a commercialised day just designed to bring in money - you should love each other every day of the year, not just on feb 14th!!
I agree with the other posters, in this day and age there's no excuse for not buying when sick. You obviously have internet access as you're on here. My fiance and I just buy each other a card and spend the night together, but you two clearly like to spend a lot of money on each other for valentines. You made no effort at all for him.
Be grateful for the time he gave you last night, and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Don't see what the problem is,he spent the evening with you,cooked you a meal bought you lovely presents.Do you two not go to work as it was a weekday and most people only had the night together anyway?
I think the 3rd person was probably just thanking him for being a mate when he/she needed one.Nothing sinister.
You could have ordered a card and present online as you were too ill to go out,you did nothing to make his day.Even bought a bottle of wine or something on the way over and made a card for him.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (15 February 2013):
 HI
First of all Valentines day is a day for romance not how much you buy eachother, I thought that is what birthdays and christmas is for ! secondly if his choosing to spend it with someone else I would say he may be feeling less love than he used to towards you, why who knows, but unless you sit and talk you wont find out. I would be very firm and blatantly ask him outright does he have feelings for this man/woman.....She has had a sex change which gives her an advantage, she knows what men wants!!
OR
he may just be a guy who don't do romance and soppy lovey dovey things. but I doubt that as he did buy you flowers chocolates a jacket and a card! yes i'm leaning more towards the fact he has feelings for this other person. So it's crunch time you have to tell him everything whats on your mind, but be prepared for anything.
Mandy x
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