A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright so I'll try not to write too much, but I'm sure it'll happen anyways. Try to keep up with the story and I'll do my best not to confuse you. Those of you who don't care to answer, you might find our story quite interesting, I believe it to be a true love story.My girlfriend and I started dating, and went on our first date, on November 22, 2008. We'll call her and I, Jim and Pam for future reference. Her ex-boyfriend we will call Steve.Two months before we started dating, is when we met. I was just browsing Myspace one day(which I do not like) because I was bored and had nothing to do. I was talking to my friend Jessica, who is friends with Pam. I was browsing Jessicas myspace when I saw Pam's. So I clicked on it, and read about her a little bit. I just couldn't stop noticing how beautiful she was, and I was bummed to see she had a boyfriend.I asked Jessica if I could add Pam on msn, and Pam allowed me to. Right off the bat she said "I have a boyfriend and I'm not looking to date, nor am I leaving him" and I replied "that's fine I just remember seeing you at Jessicas birthday party and wanted to say hey".We talked for a while, and just enjoyed talking. There was nothing more and nothing less at the time, that's it. We talked every day when going to bed, which is the only time I got on the computer. Still nothing going on, plain and simple. Eventually we started texting, and we would text and talk all day and I became really good friends with her. Eventually, she let me know things about her relationship and how bad they were. She had been dating Steve for almost 4 years now, and had her life planned out ahead of her. She talked about how unhappy she was. He would make her come over only to watch him play video games for hours and hours, there were times he had hit her, he cheated on her 2 years into their relationship, and he CONSTANTLY lied to her.Notice here, that over a span of a week or so I vigorously helped her try to FIX her relationship, not break it up. I gave her advice, ideas, tips on how to talk to him, etc. I did the full workup to help her. But the more I did this, the more I was falling for this woman. Everything about her, all that I knew of her, honest to my grave, was every single thing I wanted in a woman--everything!Not too long after, I let her know that I loved her, and that we needed to stop talking. She let me know she had some feelings for me too, and we talked and actually got into a fight and stopped talking for about a week and a half. Not one word--not one. Later on, I appologized to her and let her know it's killing me to have never met her and known her and there was some small talk, but nothing much.A few days later she had broke up with her boyfriend over a fight and I was told that she said they were done. My friend Jessica invited me over with her and her boyfriend, and Pam was invited also. We talked a little, and it was kinda quiet. Some things happened between Jess and her boyfriend got into an argument and she left, so Pam and I left about 2 minutes later and were going to go our seperate ways.I knew this was about the only chance I'd have, and I sat and talked to her, out in the freezing cold I shivered my ass off to tell her how much I had fallen for her and some time passed and she said not one word(though she's always been a quiet person) and I looked at her and saw something different in her eyes. I asked her if she wanted to be with Steve, and she nodded. I hugged her and said goodbye, and watched her get into her car. For me, I figured that was the end of it.Two days later(November 22, 2009) I'm at a local burger place with my mom, aunt, and cousin. We're just heading into town to go shopping at Sam's Club when I get a text on my phone that reads "I did it". I'm so confused on why I got it, and I reply with a "?". She then goes on to tell me she has left him for good and she wants to see me, tonight! I am so excited I just am overwhelmed with it, and I tell her I will take her to a movie tonight at 8pm.That is how we met....We went on through the relationship happy as ever aside from the point of getting over her ex, it was hard for her to do and at times she wanted to leave me for him. I stood strong by her never failing her, not once, and she came through.My problem now, one year later, is that lately she has been suffereing from depression. She is ALWAYS easily frustrated by me, by school, by work, by...everything! Everything every day, ruins her day. She's just literally never happy anymore, and I still have kept strong. I have always been loving and kind, and at ease with her. I treat her like a princess, because that is what she is to me. Even though, she still will get frustrated and be mean to me, doesn't like being touched(holding hands, etc).She admits she has depression, but since she is still living with her parents while she attends college, she won't see medical help, whether it be pills or a psychiatrist, because her family does not approve of things like that.If you read through all of this, feel free to comment. At the very least, I feel better writing it all down somewhere.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell let me clear up a few details that I left up trying to not have it quite so long. She definitely doesn't love her ex. At college this last spring quarter he threatened to chop her up and kill her and send her earring to me saying I'll never get her back. That really took a toll on her. The only thing she is stuck on I think is afraid to move forward. She's afraid that what if in 4 years it will happen again. I'm trying to reassure her by all that I do that life doesn't repeat itself, and she has someone who loves her.
To the question about moving in...we're both in college, I'm 18 and a half and she's 22. But we're right on the same college level, I graduated high school 2 years early. Also, I am a christian, and obviously do not believe in moving in until after marriage.
But aside from that, I just need to know relationship wise how to let her see that she won't be abused like she was. I've been absolutely nothing short of 200% of my best for her, no matter how much it would take out of me. From opening every door she walks through to doing a homework page or 2 for her when she was so overwhelmed she couldn't do it.
I do know she is the love of my life, otherwise I would not do all that I am and I have not one doubt in the world about being with her. I also know, the woman she really is, is still down in there somewhere. Our anniversary was 2 weeks ago from tomorrow and she gave me a ring. Earlier in our relationship she told me how importand rings are to her and that she loves me but she would not be able to get me one until she knows in her heart that she wants to be with me forever.
To my COMPLETE surprise on our anniversary, I received an amazing rin, and its the first I've ever been given. At this point in time I had already given her two rings, one as a gift on vacation and one on valentines day. I've known since the first minute I set eyes on her, as corny as that may sound, that I wanted to live my life with her. And I now know that deep down, the woman I met, she is still in there and is begging to get out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): she is abusing your patience. Sometimes women don't like it when you show excessive patience. Just tell her that since you can't make her happy you need your space to think about the relationship. That should give her a shock to snap out of it. Other reason is that she could be wanting to move in with you and is too shy to say it. So she acts up to try push the relationship forward. If you see her as a long term partner why have you not asked her to move in? But if ou decide to let her move in, tell her that you don't want any attitude.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 December 2009):
Ask her why she's depressed. And ask her to talk to you, because you care for her and want to know how to to help her solve it. If she won't seek help though, then you really need to do some thinking. Also, if she hasn't really gotten over her ex, then there's another problem. I wonder if at this moment in time, you'd be better off breaking from her and moving on. It sounds like there's a lot going on, and if she won't seek help, it's unfair on you to have to take on the burden. And also, if she isn't over her ex, then she doesn't love you enough. You've got a lot of thinking to do.
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