A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a close female friend, who I've known for a few years. I think we know each other very well, we've always been pretty open with each other to the point that when I started to feel that she could be more than a friend I felt comfortable that I could tell her without affecting anything too much (although I waited until she was single, not wanting to risk causing any trouble in her relationship).I don't really know how she feels about it, obviously I'd like her to feel the same way, although realistically any kind of relationship is impossible as we live miles apart.There's a whole list of reasons why I like her, which I don't need to go into, she already knows.All I want to know is what's the best thing I can do for her to be happy? I don't want to lose her as a friend, we're really close, and I like that. Am I causing her more trouble now she knows how I feel, and should I just back off, stay friends and let her get on with things? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice :)
I've no intention of falling out with her, she's an amazing person and has helped me through a lot with my previous (less than perfect) relationship. Even if it doesn't go any further, I plan for us to remain close friends, I don't want to do anything that may jeopardise that. I've a feeling that the distance would be pretty insurmountable. She's got commitments where she is, I've got commitments where I am, I think that would put a brake on the whole thing realistically.
I think the best thing to do may be to try and find something (or someone) who can take my mind off her, she's in my thoughts for most of every day at the moment which is probably doing me no favours!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): If shes only recently come out of a relationship she may need time before she can pass any judgment on whether it feels right to her or , and discuss her feelings in general on the subject.
Friendships turning to lovers, particularly close friendships can be difficult territory, and with the added strain of long distance it could be a big worry for her.
Talk to her but understand she may need distance and space, and you may not get the result your looking for, however if you don't remember that relationships often fall apart where strong friendships remain.
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A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (2 February 2007):
 Have you already told her how you feel? If you guys didn't discuss it when that happened, then it's a safe bet that she's either confused and doesn't know what she wants or she's not confused and just doesn't want to have a relationship with you.
Just ask her what she wants; you guys are good enough friends that you can talk about anything. Talk about it with her!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust want to clarify something, as the title of this question isn't completely accurate. My friend is single, as am I. I just want to know whether I'm fooling myself in thinking anything could come out of this and I should just be grateful for what I've got, in her friendship.
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