A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a long story but i need peoples feedback because i don't know what to do :(Right so i met this girl out one night and we kissed, she was completely drunk but the next week I saw her again and we started talking and she seemed really nice so i added her on facebook and we got talking. I met up with her and she invited me out with her one night and she said it was a shame i didn't try kissing her last night so i said next time i saw her i'd kiss her. We met up in a club and i kissed her but her ex who broke up with her 6 months ago was there. Everything was going fine, we'd slept together but her ex was messing her around saying he wanted to get back with her but then next he was saying oh well f you you've found someone else blah blah blah. So anyway it was obvious she still liked him and i really shouldn't have got involved and one morning i got a text saying i'm sorry but we should just stay friends. It wasn't long until she and her ex were meeting up again. They were thinking about getting back together but then one night she went up to see him and he'd kissed another girl whilst out in town. She ended it all and we ended up meeting again because i'd left my bag in her car from a night out so i needed to see her anyways.We ended up sleeping together again and I said to her i'm not being her second best. She said her and and ex were properly over this time and that was that. She's deleted him off facebook again and wasn't going to have anything to do with him. I met her the next day for a drink and she ended up being really ill and tried overdosing, she then got sent to a hospital (which is where she is now). I've text her asking how she is and told her she can call me whenever but I've had no reply. She's been on facebook on her phone though and she is friends with her ex again?!?! What do i do? She's not replied to me and I really have no idea what to do. Is she just messing me around or what? She's blatantly ignored my texts and if she really did like me and wanted to be with me she'd talk to me. I take it she's talking to her ex again as they are friends again :\ HELLLLLPPPP
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): Yes all the other posters are right. You've just become part of their game dude.
Now if you didn't have any feelings for her I'd tell you to just stick around because she might want to have sex again in the future and rebound sex is fun. But it seems like you do and you're going to get hurt so you have to leave her alone and that means not giving into the temptation to have sex with her.
It's a pity you have feelings for her, because you're just going to be hurt and you already are hurting by the sounds of things because she doesn't want anything from you. Just using you to make her ex jealous.
It's a pity because I love being that guy hehe, it's a hell of a lot of fun and usually the sex is great. Plus you know you don't stand a chance so you don't have to invest any emotions into it. Just take this as a lesson learned and don't go for women if you know they're just fresh out of a relationship, they're okay for meaningless sex but if you actually like them then you'll just get hurt. Only get with a girl like that if you won't develop feelings for her.
A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Long story, short answer, I fear. You have become a unwitting pawn in the drama of their still not properly ended relationship. Unfortunate and not very fair on you but not uncommon. She obviously has major issues about the end of this relationship which have not been resolved - hence the overdose. She probably, to give her credit, also cares enough about you to feel guilt about how shes treated you(which explains the timing). Having said all that, where does this leave you? It leaves you having to let go and move on. The best you can hope for with this girl right now and for the foreseeable future is friendship. By all means, be there for her if you want (I rather sense you do want that, because you care about her an awful lot), but DO NOT allow yourself to get sucked into this vortex again or else it will drag you down into the whirlpool of badness. You have to come to terms with just being a friend before you can be a good one as well. If you cant do that then I suggest you make a clean break. Im not going to be as uncharitable to her as bam bam, I think shes in that confused place between being pulled back and moving on but dont let yourself get sucked in. It will only damage and hurt you and confuse the situation. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 I'm sorry but she was never interested in you. You where the rebound guy. She got with you and then as soon as her ex clicked his fingers she went running, and dropped you as soon as he said he wanted to get back with her, this shows that she still loved him and it was him that she wanted to be with, but then he went with this other girl and it hurt her and she started seeing you again. I guess he is back in the scene again so she is ignoring you again.
I am really sorry but I guess you just need to accept that it is him she wants to be with and move on. She was actually quite cruel using you along the way, but my guesses are she is in a really bad place at the moment and doesnt mean to mess you around.
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A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 You have to move on in reality it seems like she is using you. When she don't feel like being alone she calls you and she is using you as her booty call. Many guys will jump on to a no strings attach relationship and be happy but seeing that you already have feelings for her it not such a good idea. You have to leave her and delete her from facebook and erase her number from her ph. And don't be fool you are her second best and she only runs to you when her boyfriend is not around.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): i would leave this girl alone, man. she's clearly got instabilities and needs help. not only that, but she's clearly not over her ex, either, and you're just her fall back guy. don't let this girl do that to you. you deserve a nice girl who will be there for you all the time, not just when her boyfriend doesn't want her.
i would try and take her off your mind and delete her from your facebook account and erase her number out of your phone. i know it will be tough, but it's for the best. she's just dragging you along. best of luck.
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