A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've posted questions regarding this before, but here's a quick rundown, just in case you all aren't as obsessed with my love life as I am... :)I'd known this girl for four years (calls me her best friend), finally told her how I feel after her boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with her. She stayed single for about 2 and a half months, then finally told me she felt the same way. We dated for a few weeks, and it was great. Then her ex called, and the poop hit the fan. She told me she still had some feelings for him and didn't want to just "use me to get over him." This is the guy, mind you, that sent her running to me crying countless times when they were together. So we decided to take a step back, and I gave her some time.She has since kept things from me, notably taking her ex to a family function, all the while blowing up at me when I told her I had flirted with another girl. I still have some feelings for this girl, but I know for a fact that her ex has stayed over at her place a few times during our "break" and it's really infuriating. Every time I confront her though, she always has some excuse, and being the person that I am, and knowing our history together (sharing most everything with each other), I tend to believe her. It's getting to be too much to bear though. I've since told her that I'm not going to sit and wait for her to make up her mind, but that I'm still open to her if she decides that what she wants.I'm wondering if I should wait for the inevitable call that she's "officially" back with him (which would more or less kill our friendship of 4 years), or if I should just cut the cord now, no matter how painful it may be.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, ex called, flirt, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): if you love her fight for her. I fell out with my boyfriend and he started seeing someone else but I couldn't live without him and he felt the same and i am glad i fought for him, but if she carries on messing you about and hurting you maybe it would be for the beast to tell her to not contact you again, at least then she will maybe realise who she wants!
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Talk to her before you cut the cord. Tell her that the honesty between you is the most important thing, and the fact that she's keeping things from you really hurts. Now is the time for you two to put all your cards on the table. Let her know that although you love her, you can't continue to be her back-up plan.
If she loves the other guy, she should pursue that fully so that she won't have any "what ifs" later. But that will mean that you are allowed to be the single guy that you are and date whomever you want without any complaints from her. The double standard isn't fair.
(This is not the time for you to attack the other guy in any way. You don't want to put her into a position where her loyalty makes her defend him, no matter how wrong he is.)
If she wants to try to make things work with you, then she needs to pursue THAT fully. This half-in-half-out is really hurtful, and can't continue. And the dishonesty while she spends time with the other guy is not okay.
Tell her you're not going to call her for a while, to give her time to make her decision, and you'll understand either way. Then don't call her. Leave the ball in her court.
If she doesn't choose you, then you should cut the cord now.
Good luck.
...............................
|
