A
male
age
36-40,
*ice Guy Ste
writes:I met this girl about 5 months ago over the net we got on great from the moment we started talking, but when it came time for our actual meet she went all quiet and i didnt see her or speak with her for a couple of weeks, finally she came back and told me that she had only just finished with her ex of 6 years and she still loves him, she asked me if we could just wait until she sorted her head out which i agreed to.A couple of months pass and finally we go on a date, it was amazing we had a good time and she was really relaxed about meeting me, but i then found out she went home that night and cried about it all me, her ex and moving on which made me feel bad, so again i dicided to not rush anythin.Now a couple of days ago i got a txt saying she wanted me to stay at hers during the night, i made sure she was ok with it, she said yes so i went and stay with her and again was a lovely time, but then 2 days later i get told that im moving to fast and she doenst want anythin like a bf at the min and doesnt think she ever will. I really like her and want to be more than friends, but at the same time dont want to rush her, but dont want to just get stuck going no where.I have had 4 failed relationships in the past all never got of the ground and i dont want this one to go the same way.Sorry for the length just had so much to say and no one to say it too.So my question is what should i do?
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male
reader, sheerdetermination  +, writes (13 July 2008):
You are setting yourself up to be really hurt. Very seldom does the one who 'is there' as a friend is 'understanding' and 'patientiently waits' ever the one who ends up with the person when they are ready. You would be much better off to totally walk away from the picture, not even be a friend, just an aquantance. What seems to happen is that when the person heals from all the hurt they want nothing more to do with anything or anyone that reminds them of that hurt. If you are in the picture now and try to stay in the picture, you won't be in the picture in the future. You will become part of the 'load' that she wants to get rid of. Back completly out now, go on with your life and check back in a few months/years... you might be the lucky guy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): hi thanks all for ur replies, me and my friend who is a girl are getting on ok :d and i am even meeting her on my birthday to go out for a meal will just be nice to see her again will keep u updated
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): Hi there,
I'm basically in the same sit as you are. Met a girl in a bar a little over a month ago and took her out to diner twice. In between there were some random meetings as replacement for planned dates which were cancelled by her for various reasons. The second time I took her on a diner date I asked her if I could see her a little more often than just once every two weeks. She said no as she considered me just a friend. And she said she was not ready for a new boyfriend. Turns out that she broke up with her ex with whom she was engaged to be married five months before I met her. She said it was too soon for a new boyfriend. I then told her that I was not looking for just another friend as I have already so many friends that it's kinda hard to keep pace with all of them. She said that at the moment it was just us being friends and she didn't know how long it would take before she was ready. I'm willing to wait, but in the back of my mind I know (or at least I should know) she's just letting me down easy. I meet a lot of women who want to date me (due to my position and standing and my anchestry) and I get loads of txts and calls from girls asking me out. I date most of them just once to see if they can add something. She knows this and she doesn't seem to like it (or at least I would like to think that she doesn't). I'm not a player, I'm always fair and honest, but I think dating other women might just speed up the decision she has to make. But to be honest, the decision is already made. Just date other women and check out her reaction; if she mentions the subject in some conversation, she should be interested. But then again, I don't even know where my sit is leading to as she still sees her ex.
Sorry for the length and the chaotic nature of this answer and I'm not really sure if this helps, but at least it should be good to know that you are not the only one in this particular sit :)
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A
male
reader, Nice Guy Ste +, writes (24 February 2008):
Nice Guy Ste is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks hun, i have taken what bemused said and trying to take a step back and not over laod with txts and stuff see how that works hehe but will keep u posted
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (24 February 2008):
 Sounds like you are willing to take the chance. And i hope it works out for you.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Nice Guy Ste +, writes (24 February 2008):
Nice Guy Ste is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi thank u both for ur answers i know that a couple of months is not enough time for anyone to get over someone they loved, but i feel for this person way before i knew about him, and its hard to turn off how i feel about her. just hope everythin will go well later down the line
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (24 February 2008):
Hi
You might of had relationships that never got off the ground, but she did, a 6 yr one. So i guess you wont completely understand how long that can take to move on from.
You are almost certainly heading for a rocky ride, if she still has feelings for an ex and is trying to establish something with you. You're in danger of being a rebound to be honest. And rebounds have a very low long term success rate.
There is no way, if she really does love the guy, that 2 months is enough time to grieve and be ready for someone new.
You have been great giving her the time and space though. Hats off to you for that. But ive got this awful feeling, you are leaving yourself open to a fall.
She doesnt sound anywhere near ready to meet anyone new yet.
Its good that she has been honest with you though. Its a shame you didnt meet her 7 or 8 months on from now.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (24 February 2008):
 A couple of things struck me as I read your post. You have put all your eggs in one basket with a girl who does not, at this time know what she wants. Why is she acting this way? It might be that she is still in contact with and seeing her ex and she is kind of coming and going with him because that is easier than a clean break in her mind. She may be letting him know about you thinking it might be a way to get back with him. If she was in a relationship for six years and it has ended I do not think you can wait her out. I think the odds are, from the way she is acting that you would be more of a rebound. That is the thing about the net...you met her and it really is an unknown till you meet up with her. I suspect the history of four past failed relationships has made you doubt yourself and as a result you are determined that this one will work. I would suggest you relax and get on with parts of your life that give you fun. She has set boundaries in the sand and you can too. Cut or minimize contact with her. Perhaps when you are out and about you will meet someone better suited to you who is available for a relationship and there is no waiting period needed. Needs to be someone who accepts you for who you are and wants what you want. Good luck and keep us posted.
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